Casual sex

[fredv3b]

I have never advocated equality only for some gay people. I think it is just bad politics for the movement to suggest any and all behaviour is OK, though we should resist attempts to enshrine morality in law.

I was specifically referring to sexuality and what point there was judging each other and if you want to make character judgements based on who other people have sex with you are of course free to do so but you must realize that this is the very same oppressive dynamic we are trying to overcome. I think one's judgements of others is a reflection of who they are and really says nothing about the people they are judging.

EofE, you may be fighting for a wider sexual liberation, I am only fighting against discrimination based on the gender of who one has sex with. And you are also free to believe that other people's judgements are, in general, nonsense.

[mactsar]

There are no commandments about casual sex, except to be safe and not to hurt others.

I grew up sexually in the free and easy 70s, when everyone fucked everyone, and of course everyone knows where that led... but it was pure chance, nothing more. Truth to tell, I miss those free and easy days, the thrill of pursuing someone new, discovering new kinds of sex, sharing... Finding that I enjoyed giving pleasure more than anything else, and feeling good about that.

But if casual sex becomes an addiction that prevents you from forming any kind of bond with a mate or even a fuckbuddy, you need to take a look at the role it plays in your life. If you find that you MUST have someone new every time, you need to be prepared for the day when the guy you're pursuing wants someone younger or slimmer or more... something... than you. Or the day you cruise and find that you've become one of the guys you yourself would have turned down a few years back. It happens to most of us. Yet I once had a casual encounter with a guy whom I thought had blond hair, but it turned out to be white, and he was 75 or so, but his cock was hard, and his hands were most talented, and I learned to look beyond the limits of my earlier imaginations. And that has served me well.

[Sil]

...what effect does other people's sex lives have on you personally and if you feel compelled to judge other people based on their partners then we have effectively done to each other what straight people and religion have already done except for me it feels like a slap in the face and far more personal because I expect it from them.

I agreed completely with most of this, I would never knowingly judge a stranger or a friend on their lovelife... but as a lover/partner/boyfriend their sex lives do have an effect on you personally if you have feelings for them. It's just the specifics- the safety of that knowledge in someone I know as a friend, and then something quite different with someone I'm romantically involved with.

It's not about judgement as such, but like East said, a reaction to things. I couldn't help the way I reacted to some of this knowledge in past relationships, and combined with some crass delivery it was really just unattractive. Paradoxically this was the same kind of slap in the face from the opposite side! But by extension that was down to a few exes personalities, i.e something I grew to dislike about them rather than a certain lifestyle.

[eastofeden]

I can totally relate to what you are saying Sil...when i was younger I was borderline obsessed with who my lovers had been with and I spent alot of time and energy on the details...

I did talk it out with my therapist over the years and in my case it was a deep seated insecurity and I really wanted to overcome this...it is ironic actually now that I think about it but I am almost opposite today and have been for years. Love kicked my ass Really...I am completely in love with my lover and I have been with him for almost 25 years and I had to face down my insecurities early on...it was either holding on to them or to him...I chose him and ultimately I chose myself because in the process I freed my mind and the rest really does follow naturally.

[TimeBandit]

Everyone's different. For me, I've had my share of casual sex and I'm not proud of it. I actually regret it, but I don't beat myself up over it. I've only been happy when sex has been in a committed relationship with someone I love. Sometimes I really wish I enjoyed casual sex more, because it sure gets lonely being single for going on 6 years. But I guess this is how I'm wired. That being said, I have to admit from time to time I get together with a friend I met about 2 years ago. It's probably bad for me to say this, but I only get together with him when I absolutely feel like I can't go another day without sex. I can't ever see me in a relationship with him, and he is fine with that. He's the total opposite to me: he has no qualms about casual sex, and thinks I'm weird for having hangups around it. Ah well.