Telling family about older boyfriend - help

[peterinmalaga]

I think I might try going for the age thing first and the gay bit later.
For example you could say to your mum "how would you feel if I had an older girlfriend?
She might then say "Well, how old?"
You "32"
You can imagine the rest.
You could continue the conversation or finish it at that point, saying that it was just hypothetical - which would be true.
Later you could return to her with the gay bit. She might then realize that the age difference is not such a big deal.

[funlad89]

Again thanks for the comments guys. A few more facts in relation to what you've said:

There is only one slight age gap in my family tree, between my cousin and her bf, not exactly sure what the age gap is, I dont think its as much as mine but I could try and use it for support. Basically she's 26 and her bf has a 13 yo son so it must be a few years at least lol.

My boyfriend knows exactly my issues. I tell him everything, he knows my fears, and he's been a star to put up with my closetness and secrecy to my family. He is openly gay, has introduced me to all his mates and sisters (that's about the only family he's got), so you're kinda right about that princealbertofb, I think he's got a lot more confidence in his older age.

I have already thought about the point that there is a lot less choice for us gays than for straight people, I think if I explain that to them they will understand more. I had a couple of relationships with guys my age, none worked out, and now that I have a guy who I'm happy with I'd better hang on really.

And in terms of kids, we have both said we don't really want kids, and yes it's down to my brother to carry on the family name lol!

I'm not sure bringing an imaginary girlfriend into this will help, The reason why I'm coming out now is to end the lies mainly, I'm gonna be completely honest with what I say, just with a bit of strategy. And yeah I'm gonna leave out the sex side of it lol, unless they do ask about how safe I am.

[princealbertofb]

Or, Peter, that the gay thing isn't such a big issue???

[princealbertofb]

actually, you might make it part of your coming out strategy to tell them that you are being safe, even if they don't want to know about the sex... Make them understand that you've thought about it, and considered it as NOT optional (in any relationship, mind you)... They will feel that you've grown up a lot. What else do you do now that you didn't when you were younger? Think of other ways you've grown, that don't necessarily encompass being gay, and tell them about who you've grown to be as an ADULT.

[matty7]

if u think your gonna shock your family with been gay then you may as well throw the boyfriend in to the mix as well - get it over with in one go, saves shocking them twice mile:,

[princealbertofb]

Way to go, Matty... Shock'em once, and shock 'em good!!!! hehehe. He may be right, you know?

[SrChulo]

Wow... this is the exact same situation I'm in, except we're both 2 years older than you guys. Crazy stuff! We've only been together for 9 months though. I'm planning on coming out to my fam... next week. And this "older friend" they've been hearing so much about is bound to come up in the conversation if they have half a brain. So it's nice to hear some advice.

[funlad89]

Wow... this is the exact same situation I'm in, except we're both 2 years older than you guys. Crazy stuff! We've only been together for 9 months though. I'm planning on coming out to my fam... next week. And this "older friend" they've been hearing so much about is bound to come up in the conversation if they have half a brain. So it's nice to hear some advice.

Oh right, thats cool. Well I'm actually 21 in a month's time, and he is 33 in october. So we're basically in the same situation. The reason why I'm moving things forward is because I said to myself that I would come clean either before or on my birthday, as being another year older would help me a little bit. Would be cool to keep in touch mate.

[princealbertofb]

Good luck to both of you.

[peterinmalaga]

Or, Peter, that the gay thing isn't such a big issue???

It isn't for you and it isn't for me. What I don't understand though is why it has taken 2 years to come out to the family, if it's no big deal.