Telling family about older boyfriend - help

[Lee]

It isn't for you and it isn't for me. What I don't understand though is why it has taken 2 years to come out to the family, if it's no big deal.

Everyone is different, some people dont have a problem coming out, and other people are less comfortable about it, its not very fair to say its not a big deal, maybe for you it wasnt, but i know certainly for me it is, everyone deals with it in different ways

[funlad89]

I was going to respond with exactly the same words earlier, I just wasn't sure if that statement was directed at me or not. Everyone's circumstances are different, you cannot judge on how long it takes someone to come out. In my case, I've just never felt ready to discuss it with my family, even if they are accepting

[jimcrackcorn]

My mate (Tom) and I met when I was 19 and he was 39 and we've been together for 35 yrs now. When I introduced him to my family, I did not mention his age and my family never asked - which made the Meet & Greet easier. They eventually learned his age but by then they had already accepted him as part of the family and it wasn't an issue. I believe they were relieved to know I had someone older who could keep an eye on me (I was a terror during my teens!!).

As the years passed by, my family grew to love and respect my mate and were happy with the choice I made. Shoot, sometimes I think they liked him more than they liked me mile:

Let your family get to know your partner, chances are - they will love him too.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Since the people before me said pretty much all the right things you can do, I'll just say something general that might help (I really hope it does).
Whenever people around me, mostly my parents, try to interfere with my choices for such important things in life, I just freak out. We are people with free will. You get to choose what to wear, where to study, what to study, what to be, how to look, how to talk, what kind of person to be (without going to extremes of course). True, I've never had to argue with my parents about my sexual orientation, but if I had to, I'd just do it because I have the right to be whatever I want to and believe in whatever I want.

So, basically, my advice is to always be whatever you want to be in all means and choose whose disapproval to take into consideration. However, I don't think that anyone that disapproves of your sexual orientation deserves any attention. If your parents freak out over you being gay or/and having an older boyfriend, than that's their problem.

[peterinmalaga]

Everyone is different, some people dont have a problem coming out, and other people are less comfortable about it, its not very fair to say its not a big deal, maybe for you it wasnt, but i know certainly for me it is, everyone deals with it in different ways

I agree with you entirely and apologise if anyone took offense but my remarks were directed at Princealbert who was the one saying that it was no big deal (not me) if I understand him rightly. PA knows I love him and that any disagreements we have are not really serious.

[princealbertofb]

What I meant was that maybe they'd have more problems understanding the age difference thing than the being gay issue, or it could be the other way round, or even both issues might meet no real problems, or on the contrary both could be an issue.... Is there a priority in these issues? Maybe that's for Funlad to find out... "Mum, on a scale of ten, if you were to give points to the following issues, which one would reach the higher score (saying 10 is the worst possible issue and 00 is no issue at all)?

Hey, Funlad and Sr Chulo, maybe that's one way of presenting it...? Make it sound like you've been reading one of those survey things, or test yourself quizzes...
You'd have to find other issues, such as different races, maybe, someone having already got children and a family... someone being previously divorced... someone having transgendered... you can surely find some other issues that would definitely bring more raised eyebrows or concerns, (someone who's done prison time?), someon who sells their body? someone who has a disease, or is handicapped? etc

[funlad89]

I'd probably flinch at the questions relating to me lol, causing suspicion. Nah I've already decided I'm going to tell them straight, just need to figure when, in what way etc. In response to the last post, I am quite sure the age difference will be the harder of the two things for them to accept, as I think my parents know I'm gay anyway due to various hints. But the idea of their youngest going out with an older guy I'm thinking will be daunting for them. That's why I started this topic, for help and support on the age issue. And thanks to you guys, I am going to go through with it

[MegaFullbuster]

Well I can't say what you should do because you just need to do what feels right to you but I would say that if anyone says you should end it or w.e just remind them that it is your life and your choice and that you are very happy in your relationship.

[peterinmalaga]

From the perspective of your parents 30 will not seem so old. And they will not necessarily see your relationship as one that will endure - though I'm sure you intend it to last. So I don't think the bf will be much of a problem in reality. I'd say "Good luck" but I don't think you'll need it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the boyf of funlad89, and just want him and everyone to know how very proud I am of him for his bravery in deciding to finally come out to his folks. He is an awesome guy and I know I don't deserve him and havent been the best of boyfs at all times as I could have been. but its taken me alot to realise just how special he is to me, as my number one priority in life above all else. life is too short right?, so why shouldnt we choose to be happy?

I miss him a lot when he's not around and it is much harder now that he is back with his folks, which means we rarely see each other and he can't stay overnight at mine like he used to before, and it looks like that situation wont be changing anytime this year.

We've been going out for two years now, I want him to be my boi forever, (or at least until I die first) I want him to start a new life with me, move in with me, take my surname and to marry me.

Happy Birthday for tmrw funland and fingers crossed 4 u xx

Jan

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx mile: