Whenever people discuss safer sex the topic of barebacking always comes up. A common argument against it is that you can never be 100% sure that your partner is not cheating on you. While this argument is true I don't understand why there is this level of distrust among gay men. Many straight couples throw "safer sex" out the window when both people agree to stick to each other. Why is there this trend of "Yeah, we're monagomous but he's probably cheating on me so we'd better wear a condom anyway."
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I have never worn a condom...I almost hate admitting that due to the pressures and sometimes judgements and I also dont' want to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't do concerning the topic as it is your life and you should 100% make your own choices but I have my reasons and I am willing to accept the risks. I have been with my lover for 24 years and we have sex constantly...no condoms...we didn't wear one on the first night...nor last night...or any night in between...and we are both HIV-.
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I'm pretty sure there are many monogamous gay relationships in which the partners don't distrust each other. It's all about faithfulness and love because men's libido is pretty uncontrollable. (I think so)
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Life is a series of risks we take based on our assessment of those risks and our attitude towards those risks. In an earlier thread I did mention that you can never be certain that a partner will not cheat (whatever the sexuality) and I believe this to be true no matter how strong a relationship is, people slip up - they make mistakes - it happens, we are all human.
Personally when in a monogamous relationship I make sure we are both of the same mindset, and we tend to agree that while we dont foresee being unfaithful if either of us has a slip up, we will make sure we use protection.
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Nick, in reply to your OP there are two reasons to stick with condoms first is what your partner might catch, the second is what he might have already caught. He might genuinely be a 100% monogamous guy and you trust him completely but are you sure about his ex, did he cheat on him?
I think the problem is that to avoid sounding moralistic health campaigners have only talked about safe-sex in terms of what you do and left aside who you do it with.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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My boyfriend and I don't use condoms anymore. We did when we started dating, but a couple of months ago we decided that we could trust each other. I agree it's a risk management issue more than anything.
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We don't use condoms now, though we did in the beginning. We both had HIV tests and when the results were through we stopped using condoms.
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Always with strangers. Never with my hubby, we're both clean and tested.
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I am 100% sure I am safe, I can have alllllll the unprotected sex I want (only if the other person is clean) since I never had sex in my life.
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