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07-20-2010, 09:48 AM

Okay so I have seen this guy twice. We met online on adam4adam. Before our first meeting our intentions were pretty unclear. We ended up going out to eat, hanging out with a few of my friends and watching futurama, getting drunk, coming back to my place, we ended up hooking up like 3 times. It was some of the best sex I have ever had, and I think he agreed. There was this obvious infatuation with each other and he stayed in the morning and we went out to eat, continued talking and things were great. He opened up to me a bit during this date about how he has been dealing with a court case for several years. He is 23 years old and he is being sued for allegedly being involved sexually with a 5 year old boy. He used to work as a camp counselor, word got out he was gay, and now he is being sued. Because of this he had a 6 pm curfew for a couple years, he is not allowed to be in the presence of minors, and he gets drug tested monthly. I looked up the case and it's completely legit. And I am very inclined to believe his story, there is nothing he has said about it that doesn't make sense.

Time went by, I contacted him a couple times and got vague responses from him, then we started talking about a week later of weird incommunication about how he should come out again and we had a great time. I'd liek to also point out he lives like an hour and a half away. He told me in this conversation that he couldn't do a long distance relationship, had a great time, but just he would want to see his bf all the time. I said that's fine and I understand. I asked him if we could be friends and he said definitely. I told him I just wanted to get to know him better since he seemed like a great guy and he said that's one of the sweetest things anyone has said. So he said we should meet up again for like a whole weekend. He came up a week later and the anticipation was great and we got even closer. It got really really intimate, he really opened up about his case, he told me that he liked me and didn't want this to just be a hookup. He tried to assure me of that, we ended up having sex more, but it was almost like more loving sex. Like he really cared about making it great for me. We were both completely versatile and ended up both bottoming and topping.

He left and we had plans for the following saturday to go downtown chicago and we had decided we were just going to take this wherever it goes and would communicate with the other person if anything changed. He left that Friday and would be busy all weekend. So I waited a couple days and I contacted him asking how his weekend went. I got no response. Than I messaged him the next day just saying hey there. A couple days went by and it was Thursday and I needed to know about plans since I would have to do preparations to get there so I messaged him asking if we were still on for Saturday. He responded saying he was not sure since he forgot his old roommate's grad party was that day. I know for a fact his old roommate's grad party was this day mostly cuz of facebook so I just said why don't we do it another time since it sounds like we're both busy. He said okay sounds good, have a great weekend Smile

Then on Saturday I messaged him simply asking about bars in boys town since he is the only person I know who is a frequent visitor. He responded decently enthused and sent me a few texts explaining the bar scene.

Now it's Tuesday, and I still haven't heard from him since Saturday when I texted about the bars. It's been like a week and a half since we had a real conversation. Things went from intimate and talking at least every other day to barely talking at all. I'm just wondering why is he pulling away, why did he ignore me initially and then respond, and if he is still possibly interested. We'll both be online at the same time and he just won't message me at all. i know I probably shouldn't worry about this too much and do other things with my time, but our chemistry and connection just seemed really great. I think it got too intimate for him and he reacted because he specifically said he doesn't want a relationship while still dealing with his court stuff and really wants to have fun since his curfew was just lifted in april and he feels he missed out on the college experience. I want to give him his space, but I'm just wondering if he is still even interested.

07-20-2010, 10:07 AM

Life often gets in the way and sometimes you have to allow for that. Naturally it is more difficult before a relationship gets going as you have little upon which to build mutual trust and understanding. My partner have been together for many years, but we have both been very busy recently and we are 10 hours (as in 3 buses, 3 trains, a plane and a tram) away from each other. All the same we manage to stay in touch every day and I decided a few years ago that I wasn't going to take work during regular times each month so that we know when we can be together. Long distances can work.

We don't know anything other than what you've told us. If you want to continue seeing him I would suggest you give him plenty of space, but let him know that you would like to see more of him. Then make it happen. I don't see a conflict in my last two sentences Wink

Good luck.

07-20-2010, 10:09 AM

How do I let him know I want to see him more if I'm giving him space? Lol. He has been incommunicado for over a week, I mean he at least responded this past Saturday and Thursday to call off plans.

But yeah he said he could see it going somewhere and changed his mind about the long distance thing he just doesn't want to jump into anything. But yeah, still haven't had a real conversation with him in over a week. Should I just message him? He hates the phone.

07-20-2010, 10:21 AM

TheMonkeyIsGod Wrote:How do I let him know I want to see him more if I'm giving him space? Lol.

Like I said, I don't see a conflict. When you've solved that one you have found a way to conduct a successful relationship Wink

Quote:He has been incommunicado for over a week, I mean he at least responded this past Saturday and Thursday to call off plans.

But yeah he said he could see it going somewhere and changed his mind about the long distance thing he just doesn't want to jump into anything. But yeah, still haven't had a real conversation with him in over a week. Should I just message him? He hates the phone.

Communication is vital. It is the lifeblood of a relationship. The roadways have to be open, but they don't have to be filled with traffic. He had a life before he met you. It sounds like he is dealing with a major crisis in terms of his legal problems. Any new relationship takes time to find its own level. We all enter a relationship from different places and at different speeds. If he doesn't like the phone he'll have to find another way to communicate that you find satisfying and all of this takes time to sort out. I suspect you already know all this anyway.

07-20-2010, 10:36 AM

Okay thanks. Nice to hear that. I figured things were probably fine, I just wanted to hear some reassurance. I mean were basically just casually dating at this point. He made a point to say he doesn't want to be exclusive though and doesn't want to put a label on it. Which I'm fine with. I do really like him, but I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity just cuz I can't get the title to get to know someone. I'm in a very inbetween time for myself. But he makes me feel really good and comfortable in my own skin. We have a lot of similar interests. He seems like he has been extremely honest with me. Just the incommunicado thing freaks me out. He has responded though so I should take that as a good sign cuz if he lost interest he probably would just ignore me.

Anyways, he might not get back to me for even a week or so, but I think he will contact me eventually.

07-20-2010, 10:38 AM

It doesn't sound like I'm too clingy right? I mean I contacted him the last four times, but two of them were legit information questions and the first two were a few days after we hung out. And that's over a period of like a week or so.

07-20-2010, 10:46 AM

It's possible that he doesn't like messenger or mobile phones much. They both demand your immediate attention and stop you from really living the present moment and/or doing stuff that you really have to/want to do. I say this because that's how I am. I prefer emails, because they don't have to be responded to immediately. Perhaps if you sent him an email once or twice a week and really thought about what he would like to hear from you in the emails, that might help.

07-20-2010, 11:00 PM

That sounds good to me. PA and I exchanged e-mails only for months before we even exchanged phone numbers and certainly before we met for the first time and look where that got us Wink

07-21-2010, 12:57 PM

Btw, just wondering if based on what I said before if I may have given off a signal saying I might be clingy. Like we used to talk every other day and now it's been a long time of no talking still. I only contacted him like twice right off the bat and took the hint and then waited to contact him to ask about plans which we ended up canceling cuz we were both busy. Now it's been almost a week since we talked.