Having trouble with my boyfriend, help!

[ForumUsed]

Hello everyone! Im new on this forum and just wanted to ask for an opinion about the problem im having with my boyfriend.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years now. We met when we were in highschool together. I didnt know I was gay untill i met him. I used to be straight. Well, u could say im bi. Basically, he's my highschool sweetheart! We love each other so much. Well, atleast I do.

He is curently furthering his studies in the United States and was away for a year. It was really hard for me because Im worried that long distance relationship would be a bad idea. But we made it! He came back 3 months ago for summer break and we had the time of our life! And of coz he went back to the US last week.

Ok, here is something you need to know about him. He likes having "brotherly relationships" (according to him that is) with younger boys, most of them are cute and it pisses me off! The way they talk to each other are like... Hey ko, I missed u so much. That kind of stuff and Its not right!(ko means big brother in our language and its not normally called if your not blood-related. or atleast not guy to guy. Its like calling him sweety from where I see it.) He said it was nothing but I sence something more. He even lied to me(2 different times he did it with 2 different guys) just because he wanted to go out with them. He is doing too much just to spend time with them.

I used to have his facebook and msn password, so I usually log on to check stuff. That's how I found out about the way they talk to each other. I deleted them of my boyfriends facebook and msn friend list (I was pissed and I know now it was wrong). He found out and changed his pass saying that he needs space. He also said that doesnt like me checking on him, but what am I suppose to do if he is hiding stuff from me? He didnt even bother telling me about that brother relationship crap. Am I being jealous? or what I did was reasonable? You guys tell me please.

Ok, so here's another situation. Which adds on to the problem! He's really into christianity and after 4years being together he suddenly feels like it's wrong to God and his parents to have this relationship. He even said that being with him will bring no future. He feels that its his fault that im gay. But he said that he still loves me alot.

So guys, please tell me what to do. We been having arguments alot lately and I really want to fix this. I tried pretending like everything is ok on msn with him but it just isnt! On web cam he looks really down but when I ask he says nothing is wrong. He is not being open with me anymore. I can feel like theres alot of things that he's still hiding from me. I really want this to work but he isnt helping.

Sorry if theres any Grammar/English mistakes.
Thanks for taking your time in reading this btw.
Really appreciate it.

Regards

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Hello.

First of all, I am sorry that things between you and your boyfriend aren't going well at the moment. You sound like a nice person; he does too.

I think that the best thing here might be to be open with him about how you feel. Don't accuse him of anything or blame him for something. Just tell him how you feel. Brother relationship...sounds weird, but it may be nothing. Ask him. Tell him that you feel that those little brothers are taking him away from you.

Religion...oh, gosh. Tell him you're ok with being gay/bi. Tell him how you feel and try to assure him that he should follow his heart.

I think the most important thing is to be open. No secret thoughts.

I hope everything gets better soon!

Btw, your English is perfect.

[shyguy]

I can understand your concerns and frustrations with your boyfriend. I agree that those "brotherly relationships" you describe do seem sketchy. I have quite a few relationships with friends that I would consider brotherly, but we never call one another sweetie or anything like that. Still I don't think you should've gone as far as to delete them from his Facebook and MSN. I don't think it's really your role to decide who he can and can't talk to.

I think you two just have to work on trusting one another again. You should trust him more with his brotherly relationships or investigate them more before taking such drastic and intrusive action. And he'll have to trust that you won't take such drastic action every time you find something you don't like.

Maybe all the wrong feelings he's having about your relationship and whether it's right is just him being scared. Reassure him of how much you love him and that you're there for him when he needs you.

And as far as him not talking to you, I feel like it might be because he doesn't want to hurt you by saying that something is wrong. I'd try telling him that not talking to you is hurting you more than whatever he's avoiding saying. If that's the way you feel.

I hope this helps in some way and that everything works out. Good luck

[Fosra]

Note: Please do not feed off my anger/rage. These situations irritate and annoy me intensely.

You should spank him - I'll be Serious, he is either there in the relationship or not. How about he mans up?

Now I do have a brotherly relationship much like your boyfriends own, But I am not in a relationship myself (and let me tell you, the brotherly relationship is anything but brotherly. Which I'm not saying that that is happening!). So there shouldn't be any excuses there on his part. "I need space" Sounds like the typical bullshit spewing.

I don't blame you for feeling concerned and upset. There should be no reason for him to be hiding anything like that from you. (Unless it's a surprise party! -party streamers-)

There is not a whole lot any of us can do to help. Your boyfriend has to want to make it work also, and I do hope you can figure it out.

Best of wishes from the Fosman~.

[marshlander]

Hi ForumUsed,

Sorry to read about your troubles. While I'm impressed with all the responses above I lean towards Fosra's point of view. He's either in this relationship or not. If he can't deal with it any more he should tell you. If he is bi he has options. You clearly don't have so many of those.

If you've been together for nearly four years he should be able to offer you the courtesy of answers to your questions. Interfering with his online accounts, whether you were drunk or not, was a daft move and I would have been furious if anyone had done the same thing to me.

There is obviously stuff he's not telling you. If you've been together that long a fantasy life as a Christian shouldn't get in the way, unless he's using it as a cover. Admittedly we've only heard your side of the story, but I'm afraid this doesn't look good.

By all means keep trying to do all the stuff suggested by the others above, if that's how you want to go, but I wouldn't get too many hopes up at this stage. His life overseas has come at a time when we all go through enormous changes in the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us. For whatever reason it looks as though he may be questioning whether he should still be with a high school sweetheart.

Sorry to be brutal, but that's how it looks from here. Big hugs to you and good luck.

[eastofeden]

Ok, so here's another situation. Which adds on to the problem! He's really into christianity and after 4years being together he suddenly feels like it's wrong to God and his parents to have this relationship. He even said that being with him will bring no future.

RUN! FAST! I am sorry to be so blunt but that would be the deal breaker for me...the other part of it suggests he is full of sh*t and if you like him you should be prepared for more of the same. You can do much better.

[peterinmalaga]

You have both done some bad stuff but he is definitely not doing much to help with the understandable anxieties which you have being so far apart. His behaviour does not add up. If it's a sin for men to have sex together, then he should never have done it. This Christianity thing is a pretext, a smoke-screen, a lie. He seems to be hooked on gay sex and I doubt if you are his only sexual partner. Are you using condoms? You should - or just find another bf.

[ForumUsed]

Thx for everyones opinion and help! I dont think he's having another sexual partner, thats im very sure. So, we had a talk few days back. I told him that I couldnt take it anymore and wanted to end our relationship. Long-story-short, he then asked what could he do to make me change my mind and I said end those "brotherly crap". He said he will do it and everythings okay now. He'll send me a copy of that chat when he's done with them. But I still feel like theres something he's not telling me. If he dont start telling me stuff then theres no other choice for me.

[Ultra]

I can somewhat relate. However in my case, it was strictly long distance and it lasted 2 years... we were going to physically meet. Right now he's in a confusing phase in his life, but whatever... it was his decision. 4 years is a long time and the level of trust must be super high (wow you have passwords for Facebook and MSN... wow, I'm glad I never shared that with my ex), so I hope you guys can work it out. By the way, I like the avatar. "Love never fails" is quite a profound statement.

I know what you mean about him not telling you something. My ex-partner was like that, there was a multitude of things he didn't tell me and I found out about that stuff later (through his mother... which makes me suspicious). Hopefully he is not hiding anything.

[ForumUsed]

We broke up yesterday night. Its really a heartbroken moment. He choose them over me.

Well, thanks anyway for the help though.

Apreciate it