Before or After?

[Vikta]

Just wondering... Is it more typical for one to come out after one pursues a gay relationship or before? Presumably after... right?

Forgive me if i've already answered my own question ... but any insight would be appreciated

[eastofeden]

I don't think there is a correct answer...whatever feels right for each person I suppose. I came out before I ever even considered having a relationship or sex for that matter. (But I got busy right afterwards! :biggrin

[Vikta]

That's awesome! And you're probably right about there not being a correct answer... there usually never is to most questions it's all relative...

[marshlander]

I don't know about "correct" and I'm not sure about "typical" either. Surely it depends on upbringing and circumstances? I had the sort of upbringing where I found it very difficult to come to terms with being gay, so much so that I tried to repress it for many, many years. After I was able to come out to myself I decided eventually to come out to others as a pre-emptive strike, before someone else could out me. I guess it was prompted by falling for a man and wanting to be in a relationship with him. It never happened.

[Vikta]

indeed... circumstances would likely play a role in how/when a person comes out... I suppose one would know they're gay regardless of whether or not they've been in or pursued a gay relationship. The whole chicken before the egg doesn't apply...

[Genersis]

I came out before.mile:
But to be honest, i was never really "in" the closet. I had just never told anyone that i was gay.(And was a little nervous too)

[fenris]

I don´t know the right way.....

I think, I have done both at the same time, I never had thinked really about "coming out" or how and why to tell it.... as first staying out for nights sometimes, and because I was only 16 at this time I must explain to my mother why I´m not at home and who´s the guy in the car taken me home. mmmh ... Let´s tell me, that I wasn´t a diplomatic person at that time. I was only proud to have a boyfriend.... so I´m saying the truth... and could see how easy the blood from someones face get out. Two days we havn´t spoken together... and then she cames to me... "This Guy I want to see next Friday before you get out"..
But from my knowledge of now ... I´m thinking thats a really hard school for parents and friends to tell it this way.... and it must happen much more sensitive and careful.

[colinmackay]

Just wondering... Is it more typical for one to come out after one pursues a gay relationship or before? Presumably after...

For me, I came out first. I felt it would be dishonest of me to persue a relationship while still in the closet.



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[Vikta]

I like your line of thought Colin... being open and honest before pursuing a relationship.

Everyones insight has helped flip the script... In a good way ... thanks!

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I guess I'll never really experience coming out as a gay man (oh, how I wish I could..) to know what it actually is like. However, I believe that if one has discovered that he is homosexual and he is not in a relationship yet, it'd be better to come out first.