hello,
i am 25 and recently came out to family and friends. also everyone on my myspace which includes lots of people in my area who are acquaintances. i have bad anxiety as it is but now i have a lot more because everyone knows the truth about my sexuality. it makes me want to leave the area because i know how people are and how they can talk behind your back. i dont know what im looking for in regards to a response here. i should most likely talk with a psychologist as i plan. i thought it would be good to hear if others are going through this or have gone through this?
i know its a scary experience to come out. for me i have been straight acting and didnt want people to know because ive seen the way people from my area talk about it. now i feel bad about myself and have really bad anxiety. i know i shouldn't care what others think, maybe it was the wrong thing to do to tell my whole myspace page. i guess the point of my thread is that im dealing with a lot of anxiety about people knowing the real me and im having a very hard time overcoming it.
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Welcome to Gay Speak!
You don't say how your friends and family reacted to you coming out. I found that when I finally came out (last year) that I had very supportive friends. That has helped me a lot. It did take me a while to work up the courage to tell someone, but once I did it all flooded out. I didn't immediately announce anything on MySpace or anything like that, but once people began to know I did make reference to it on Facebook, twitter, and eventually my blog. (So, pretty much world + dog knows now)
You say that people talk behind your back. Is that close friends and family or everyone else? If it is people in the "everyone else" category then there is nothing you can really do about it. I guess it is also the category where you should care least about as well. If it is close friends or family you can at least talk to them about it and try and address their concerns. If they have no concerns then they won't have anything troubling to say behind your back.
When I came out I tryied to prepare myself for the possibility that I would be walking away from a friendship or two. Luckily that never happened.
Are there any friends you can talk to about this? They will know your situation a lot better than we do and may be able to help confirm whether people are talking and if so what they are saying. And if it isn't happening, it at least puts your mind at rest.
Whether it was right or wrong to tell the whole of your MySpace page is really up to you. I think it depends on how you did it.
Finally, I think that being open is the best option in general. The fact everyone knows means it is all out in the open. You don't have to worry about hiding it from certain people (I can't lie very well, and I'd never remember who knows and who doesn't)
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling and it is way past my bed time....
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I completely know what your talking about. I havent come out yet to my dad but everyone else kindof knows. Im afraid to tell him because of how my mother reacted to it. Im not going to get into details but life was a bumpy road to this point. I myself have been wondering if i should see someone to get all of it off my chest. i keep coming back to sites like this however in hopes i can find someone to talk to who will listen. Its hard but sometimes you just need someone in the same boat i guess.
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I'll just say that sometimes it is best to talk to a psychologist, as you consider doing, because he is someone you haven't known all your life, or as a friend. I mean, I can't really explain why, but a talk with the psychologist once or twice a week really helps one understand himself, his feelings and the world around him.
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That I call a "Coming out with music"... but now it´s done.. and it will be Ok. If I help some guy to come out, the first thing I say is: Tell it as first only where it is important : Parents, good friends ... and than you will see how they react.
Honestly I think, that you will lost some friends ( I don´t know you if should call them friends ).. but you will get some new. And there will be a lot of discussions .. How ? Why ? and the best: "really - i never thought ?!"
I think, there´s no need to leave your area. Why you should ? Only because you are honest ? And .. a psychologist... what should he do ? You are not mental ill .. you are gay and honest. ! And your fears... are only because you don´t know what happens and how people react. The next time will not be really easy for you... but your way is not the worst. In a couple of weeks nobody talks about, because it boring to tell news wich others already know.
Take some good friends ( You see really fast wich are really good friends ) and if it is importent, say that you need their support and help. Talk to them.. about problems and feelings... and they will protect you if it is needed and help you going further.
And others ... talking behind your back... why would you care about it? You don´t hear it...
da fen
* this language will kill the rest of my nerves*
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Some good responses on this already. Whatever the wisdom may have been of coming out the way you did, it's done and nothing can change that.
People always like to have someone to talk about. Maybe you are this week's topic, but if this were print it would be next week's fish and chip wrapper. They'll find someone else to talk about next week.
As we've often heard on here "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
Surely there's no ned to move unless you have other very good reasons for doing so, like starting a new job or something?
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anxiety about being gay
You'll discover soon enough who your friends are...
mile:
