The Gay Scene - do I fit?

[Sil]

I just wanted to ask whether people here feel the gay scene - nightclubs and bars - properly represents the gay community, here's my reasons :

So last night I went out for my birthday with my boyfriend after a nice meal with my family. He's a good guy and been on the scene many years before me, he loves all of it from what I can see so we start out in Baron & Baroness with Jaeger bombs, which is nice. The 'The Eagle' of worldwide fame, although upstairs it's tamer than you'd imagine. Next is 'The Loft' for something more lively, and here's where the point of my post lies -

I never felt so out of place *laughs* I'm a straightish looking guy who loves his hubby very much, but I don't feel right here. The sound system is insane in a good way, it's hard to talk. The choice of music is awful, some chart remix with added cheese, notched up about 20 bpm, over and over. A guy in a wig is poledancing (clothed) much to the amusement of a group of cackling 40 year old faghags. The woman at the bar looks at me like dirt in a Western saloon kinda way as I order while they're all dancing away.

At this point Les actually sees me trying to dissapear into my drink and says "Smile!" and he really tries to cheer me up. I love him for that. I want to enjoy myself so badly being here with him but the whole place/people/music just sets me on edge. I like metal, my friends, drugs, good laughs, a sweet atmosphere, videogames, movies. None of this seems right for me.

The next bar we have another 2 drinks and the barstaff go insane when Vengaboys comes on. The Vengaboys. That's right. boom boom boom boom. Les is really trying to make this fun but he doens't mind that I don't enjoy it, but later on I get in a real funk over it but we sleep it off and it's all fine. So today I got thinking about it.

I feel like a gay guy who doesn't belong on his own scene.

Anybody else had experience of this?

[Genersis]

I haven't had this expireance per se. But i honestly have no urge to even bother with the "Scene".
I'm no party go-er, Never have been. I often find my self sitting in a corner on my own at my family partys.:redface:

Its perfectly normal to feel the scene isn't quite "for you". I find it sweet how you still go with your boyfriend though.mile:

[fenris]

Last tiime I was in the Szene was 1993 in a leather bar...and sometimes in a disco... It´s not my thing....mostly superficial.... and the main focuses are completely false for me.
But I´ve learned one thing : Never switch the light on in a darkroom mile:
And because my man don´t want to go there, too.... we prefer swimming, visit friends....or being out with the dogs.... :eek: I´m a forrest-and-field-gay

[Ultra]

I never experienced, however I would not mind experiencing it. I'm a heavy metal dude and I would certainly feel out of place there. If I had a BF who was into it, I would be open to it and I would go with him.

[SrChulo]

A year ago I was going to clubs at least twice a week, till 7 AM, having a great time. Then i got burned out. And i haven't been to a club since october of last year! jaja... You're not alone!

[Aaycle]

Hey Sil,

There is no particular gay scene where one fits all! I myself don't party, and I definitely won't be comfortable either at a scene which you have above described. I am more of a home body, that is sometimes drawn to the quiet bookstore cafe. I often take drives to the beach, sit on a cozy blanket and read ALL day. That is my scene. However on your Birthday you should not have been forced to "gel", you should've done what you wanted to have done, on your B'day.

But I suggest a compromise; there are seven days in the week you get 3 days to do what you want to do, your hubby gets 3, and one day is absolutely nothing day!!! But you were right to be bothered mildly; clubs, dances, pubs, etc. can be a bit overwhelming!

[marshlander]

You are not alone. My musical tastes have often differed from those of my closest friends. If I goto my local gay pub it's non-stop techno of some sort ( I shan't even attempt to describe the sub-genre), but played at a volume that doesn't ever interfere with normal conversation. Quite often I like what I hear, but it is rarely, if ever, music I would choose for myself.

When I go out to listen to music of my choice it is usually by myself or sometimes with my straight friends or, of course, with PA. I don't think I have ever found a "gay venue" that plays music I would choose for myself except for the rare occasion (as in hell freezing over rare) that my band happens to be playing there, of course

[fredv3b]

I don't seem to fit either. However why should we expect all gay people to fit on the scene?

On the other hand one of the bars on Canal Street has just started stocking Black Sheep Best Bitter, so therefore I am an awful lot closer to fitting in.

[ShinigamiLegend]

Interesting most Gay and Bisexual men cant keep themselves away from the clubs and the parties they are always throwing one and its usually the kind with very strong instrumental beats, fast and loud music a lot of alcohol sometimes with weed and ecstasy and its dancing all night and sex until the sun comes up! That is the Gay scene always has been since the early 60's its only gotten more grandeur now than ever before. If you know some one who is always in the all night and just lives life like hes gonna die tomorrow that person is more than likely Gay or Bisexual in nature! Straight people go to clubs once or twice a week thats it and throw a party once in a while on a special occasion.

[marshlander]

Interesting most Gay and Bisexual men cant keep themselves away from the clubs and the parties they are always throwing one and its usually the kind with very strong instrumental beats, fast and loud music a lot of alcohol sometimes with weed and ecstasy and its dancing all night and sex until the sun comes up! ...

That is SO not my experience. I am fairly certain I know far more gay men who do not conform to this stereotype than those who do.