The Gay Scene - do I fit?

[Ultra]

I was giving it a good thinking. Personally, I definitely do not fit in the gay scene at all. I just met one guy recently who automatically thought I was straight. We were in a conversation with one of my friends about this slang word for vagina and then he said that I would love it... wow! I never met this dude in my life. It looks like I'm gonna have to get a gay-pride wristband (which I've been meaning to get anyway) to show that I'm gay and proud of it!

I really can't see myself ever fitting into the gay scene. I'm a gay death metal guy... I sadly met one who was one too, however he turned to the dark side. Anyhow... enough of that. Actually, it really doesn't matter if you fit in or not. Maybe I could create my own gay metal scene, however that is going to take a lot of work and time. I really don't have the patience for that.

[Sil]

Hi Sil,
Well, I am not gay, but I am from Newcastle, and I have some awareness of the gay scene locally, having gay friends and a gay brother. I agree with you that some of the bars on the scene aren't so great, if you're not into chart dance/pop type music, which seems to be mostly what is available on the main drag (that is, Scotswood rd type area). I say that not to dismiss it; I have had some good times there, and I do think there are some good places and good times to be had, but I accept that it is not for everyone. I suppose Newcastle is smaller and maybe less gay friendly than some places (we only just have had a pride event in the last few years, or so I heard), so maybe it is just not there yet, in terms of the richness and variety on offer in bigger cities like London, Manchester and Brighton.

However, I might tentatively suggest that Newcastle's gayscene is beginning to evolve and develop. A recent article in the Crack (I assume you are aware of this free publication), stated that

'It is refreshing and increasingly common in the north-east to see diversity and difference beyond that of the usually white gay male ghettos: alternative queer nights alongside events at The Star and Shadow and Tyneside Cinemas are changing our scene'

I must, in order not to misrepresent the article, clarify that it was not wholely complementary of the scene, but never the less this quote is true. It seems that the scene is reaching out from beyond the 'pink triangle' and thriving within other venues, for different kinds of people.
Other than those mentioned above, gay friends of mine sometimes go to a monthly alternative gay night, the reportedly draws a very different crowd to, say, the Loft. There were also several satellite events to this years pride that were a lot more specialist in there appeal, such as queer film events, lgbt history events and nights based around gender diversity etc. There are also a couple of club nights I can think of, which are not explicitly gay, but can genuinely be described as mixed or 'gay friendly'. I have witnessed in such places that kissing/holding hands etc between members of the same sex is far more common in these places than most mainstream (straight) venues (other than the odd pair of straight girls kissing to tittilate the men!)

I would sugges that you keep your ear to the ground, as it were; comb local listings, such as the Crack or Narc mag, and see what's around for gay people in Newcastle that would suit you and your tastes and preferences. From there, I am sure you would find like minded people, who may be able to introduce you to further events. I hope I don't speak from ignorance, since I am not gay myself, but I think there is a places for gay people who are other than 'mainstream' in the toon, if you look below the surface. Good luck!
xxx

thankyou so much for this post I'm really quite touched

all of that was good information, I'm really gonna have to start keeping my ears out and getting The Crack more often. They used to do it in my favourite sandwich shop but we've moved flats since then!

I'm gonna have to suggest some of these to my hubby and see if he's interested, I really don't want to give up on the scene and I'm far from it. Hopefully next time I'll out I'll come home feeling a bit more buzzed.

I like to think Newcastle is getting there, and I feel the whole thing kinda exciting but it's overwhelming too given I used to to the straight(ish) pubs and clubs thing. Middlesbrough is catching on slowly too, god help them my hometown

thanks again, hopefully see you out

[Lilmy87]

Aww, you're very welcome. I hope you can find a new place from which to source the crack (and also a good new sandwich supplier!) I find they are quite readily available around town, so I'm sure you will. Do message me if you like, I'll offer what help I can; I consider the night life of Newcastle to be my specialist subject, ha ha. And best of luck!
x

[vivivi]

i understand that feeling completely im still confused about my orientation let alone feeling comfortable on the scene but i think being comfortable on the scene has more to do with personality then not being comfortable with others like you you can be a non partier just be more of a private poker player at least you have your answers im still looking for mine but no one seems to want to help

[Jason74]

I really don't think everyone really fits into the gay scene of nightclubs and bars and that is why people go out to fit in where everyone is the same. I know that when I used to go out all the time I just did because I knew that I could just be myself without looking around like I am strange. When I was younger I would dance around shirtless and drink so much and just was so carefree when it came to just being relaxed at the gay clubs and bars. As I got older and started to have relationships I started to not be so carefree at the clubs and all that and was just a watcher or more like a people watcher, watching from afar.

Yet I soon realized that by being sober and not totally trashed that there are alot of cliques at bars and if you are not friends with alot of people at gay clubs that you just are an outsider, for a few months that bothered me but then I realized I am glad who I am and I really don't want to be part of a clique or make other people feel like outsiders so I am cool to whoever is cool with me. I don't have a scene in me and usually just go out these days to people watch and have a drink and thats it.

[ShinigamiLegend]

Fitting in Gay is and can be very confusing that is the reason why I believe there are a lot of Promotions advertised and marketed to create a gay scene that is welcoming to all and dymistifing confusion inside and outside the gay community! Pride events are are not circuit parties or rave parties! They are educational uplifting encouraging celebrations that act as a demonstration to show the community the positive upsides to being gay friendly and breaking down walls between straight and gay every human has a scene just like in a movie! Pride events include all scenes within the gay community if you want to party there are plenty of them if you want to read books,watch movies and listen to classical music If you want to go to the bar and watch sports you can do all that to at Pride certain cities dedicate national holidays as time frames to host these Pride events so everyone gathers together no matter what your interest is! The scene i what you make it the focus is what personality a gay or bi man not the stereotype of them when you go to Pride Events and if you dont fit in its not the Gay scene its YOU! Now in the United States celebrities mainstream or not gay or not make plans to attend and do concerts at Gay Pride events these are the same things straight people do and are interested in as well there is no difference between us only our sexual preference that's it! Get rid of the line that separate us and divide us up no more segregation its over live together and be together and love all as one!

[Sil]

Fitting in Gay is and can be very confusing that is the reason why I believe there are a lot of Promotions advertised and marketed to create a gay scene that is welcoming to all and dymistifing confusion inside and outside the gay community! Pride events are are not circuit parties or rave parties! They are educational uplifting encouraging celebrations that act as a demonstration to show the community the positive upsides to being gay friendly and breaking down walls between straight and gay every human has a scene just like in a movie! Pride events include all scenes within the gay community if you want to party there are plenty of them if you want to read books,watch movies and listen to classical music If you want to go to the bar and watch sports you can do all that to at Pride certain cities dedicate national holidays as time frames to host these Pride events so everyone gathers together no matter what your interest is! The scene i what you make it the focus is what personality a gay or bi man not the stereotype of them when you go to Pride Events and if you dont fit in its not the Gay scene its YOU! Now in the United States celebrities mainstream or not gay or not make plans to attend and do concerts at Gay Pride events these are the same things straight people do and are interested in as well there is no difference between us only our sexual preference that's it! Get rid of the line that separate us and divide us up no more segregation its over live together and be together and love all as one!

I think you're missing the point a little here Shini...

I don't have a problem with the scene, and because of the town I live in there isn't really a host of choice... I think we only just got our official pride even a few years back, it's slow but getting there.

I see what you're saying but it's put a little bluntly; the whole reason I started the thread was because I felt happy and open to experience but then let down by the result. I don't see any distinction between gay and straight clubbing except in music taste, and because music is a BIG part of me enjoying a night out, if I don't like it that's not my fault.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Clubbing scene is not really 'gay' is it?

Why the Gay community has limited its options to bars and clubs is beyond me, it has been a problem for decades.

Personally I never really liked the scene. When I lived in San Francisco as a single person I felt obligated to go, especially when all of my friends wanted a 'girls night' out.

Not that I am in a relationship going on 20 years there is no pressure to go bar hopping, we either stay at home, pop a movie in the DVD or we go out for dinner and a movie.

Yes we are an old married couple.

We have taken to going to theater, opera and such in more recent years (yes we are getting old, and?).

By and large we mingle with open minded mixed company events where our being gay is not an issue and its not just music and booze (and drugs).

Maybe you and your SO need to start weighing other options for a 'night out'. Better yet spend some nights 'in'.

Again, we are old, but we do spend a good deal of time cuddling on the couch.... Try it, keeps a relationship alive.