What are the 10 major relationship mistakes for gay men over 40

[marshlander]

That is hot!
I always have a kinky dream in that I have sex with a sexy priest in a confession room.

Don't joke about stuff like that. I know/have known two RC priests who have caused chaos and one of them is quite unstable. I also know another gay priest who was active on another gay discussion forum and decided to give it all up to rededicate his life to his god and his flock - he is an exception, but it is not any less of a demand on him. When I think of him I feel very sad that he can never know what I know. :frown:

[marshlander]

Marshlander - so what are your 10 most important tips for monogamous relationships - what would you recommend guys do to have a monogamous relationship? ...

I don't know that I can or would want to either distil or expand my thoughts on this to "ten top tips". I can tell you what works for me, my partner and our relationship at this time, but I doubt what I say can be lifted wholescale into someone else's situation.

• I could say just find the right man and hang on to him, come what may ...
  
• As I've said before most of what I would suggest is about respect. The other person has a life and I don't require him to give up anything for me. If there is any giving to be done the only control I either have or would want to have is over my own actions. He recognises my complete freedom to be my own person and I have learned the freedom and happiness that comes from doing the same for him.
  
• It just happens that we have similar, but by no means the same, thoughts on many issues. I don't need him to give my ideas validation, although I will admit to feeling cosier and warmer when we are in agreement. However, I love the stimulation I get from having to think my way through discussions ... and we talk a lot.
  
• I don't believe that the grass is greener anywhere else (although when I was thirteen a friend took me to Stamford Bridge to see Chelsea play Wolves - I remember the grass being more green there than any grass I'd ever seen anywhere or have seen since).
  
• Sometimes we laugh till it hurts because something is really funny. Sometimes we just laugh till it hurts.
  
• Don't look for faults and if you accidentally find one, it's not a fault. It's one of those things that makes him unique and why you fell in love in the first place.
  
• Keep talking.
  
• Do things together and do things apart. We are not conjoined twins. Be interesting for each other.
  
• Make the most of enjoying being the owners of bodies that are capable of giving and receiving pleasure while we can.
  
• It probably helps that we are both too lazy to have found a reason to argue about anything yet.
  

Gosh! That is actually ten. There are others, but will those do for now?

Following quite a difficult life education I just happen to have come to the conclusion that monogamy suits me very well. I don't make any assumption that that has to be the case for others.

[eastofeden]

It probably helps that we are both too lazy to have found a reason to argue about anything yet.

I love this...I have the same thing. Although we have disagreements neither myself or my lover really argue and I credit laziness as well....:biggrin:

...and much to the dismay of many of our friends we have never really had a fight in almost 25 years! I always hear it is unhealtthy not to fight but I really don't have anything I want to fight about and we have discussed this here and there and end up laughing about it.