Selfish lover?

[I-heart-U]

This is quite a difficult topic for me because don't usually talk about sex with anyone but I would like to get other people's opinion on this. This is quite embracing.....basically when I am intimate with a guy I don't like to use my manhood. I don't know why but I've just got this thing about doing that, it doesn't feel natural to me. I have a reasonably sized penis so it's not like I am ashamed of it or anything but I just don't really like that whole thing about sticking my thing in a tight place :frown: I have tried it before with a partner and although we didn't use lubricant it wasn't enjoyable at all for me. Although that was my first time and I probably would do better next time it just doesn't feel right, I don't know if it's the struggle but I thought there were mainly two types of gay guys "the present givers and the present receivers" but as I've discovered some guys don't seem to be content with just giving presents, they'd like to receive some as well.

Do you think that in future I should make it clear that giving is not something I particularly enjoy or should I just do it to make him happy? I imagine it would be a lot better if I used a lot of lubricant??? I am a very passionate guy and obviously do enjoy sex so I wouldn't want this to ruin it for me.:frown:

[colinmackay]

When it comes to anal sex some folk are tops, some bottoms, and some versatile. While it is more complex than that (some times a person may flip every few months or years) it does make it easier to think about in simpler terms that at any given a person is one thing or another.

If you don't like being the top don't worry about it. Maybe you will in the future, maybe you won't. But that isn't necessarily a barrier as there are so many other things that can make love making great fun.





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[outandabout]

When it comes to anal sex some folk are tops, some bottoms, and some versatile.

Also, some are none of the above. Some just do not like anal sex, and if you don't, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You can't control what you like, and you shouldn't have to force yourself through an uncomfortable situation especially during something as special as sex. I do think it's fair to let someone know this ahead of time before you have a sexual encounter. I'm not a big fan of anal sex myself, but my boyfriend and I still have great times in the bedroom. So don't be so worried about it.

But then again, I would say don't give up too easily. You could some day find the guy of your dreams and start craving anal sex all the time. So the best thing to do is just go out and explore

[princealbertofb]

It could also be that you still have a few hangups about it all. There is a strong taboo about anything related to our anuses, because of the fact that when we learn to be "clean" in early childhood, we learn about faeces being disgusting and foul.

It might be that your psyche has integrated this as a very strong taboo. The fact that you didn't find it enjoyable to stick your thing into someone else's body was probably not encouraged by the lack of lubricant, and the comfort must have been minimal for you both.

I agree with Outandabout that anal sex may not be for everyone... and if you decide that it's not your thing, then you will need to tell your partners so. There are, as Colin said, many other ways of giving a partner pleasure that don't involve sticking your manhood into another man's orifices, it's just a question of finding out what and whether the rules can apply healthily to your relationship. If your man wants more, then, there might be a problem in sustaining the relationship.

[marshlander]

It's true, don't believe what they say down the pub, not all gay men enjoy anal sex. The experience you mention was probably not helped by the failure to use any lubrication. Lube can help make it feel better for tops as well as bottoms.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. There may well come a time when you fall so much for a man that you will want to do anything to please him, including things you may previously have avoided.

[Sil]

There's been some very good advice here above... personally this is a new one for me, a lot of men seem to experience the opposite...

Sadly you can't argue with how you feel about something physically, and if it feels unpleasent or wrong chances are you're not going to come back for more. As PrinceAlbert mentioned - I'm tempted to ask you to look into any deeper issues surrounding this, as I have heard of cases where men felt unable to ejaculate during penetration, and a variety of solutions included getting closer to orgasm before penetration - manually, orally, whichever is preferred. This then acclimatises the person to enjoyment and so forth. To me it doesn't sound foolproof, however merely a suggestion.

And quite simply - there is nothign wrong with you everyone has their own preferences in the bedroom; as long as you communicate this to your partner you should have no worries and be enjoying that free thing in life that is best.

[I-heart-U]

I just wanted to say thank you for the great advice guys. I don't know what the reason for me not liking the whole giving process but I do feel that it may have something to do with my partner. The person I was referring to in the earlier post is an individual that I was never in love with, I had no strong feelings towards that person. The reason I was intimate with him was because as all men I have needs and....well beggars can't be choosers lol :redface:

Having said all the above, I think that I would happily try the whole giving exercise if it involved being with the guy I love, it's just a shame he is straight and will never know how I feel about him.