Eating disorder

[Anonymous]

Im so worried that the eating disorder i worked so hard to get over is coming back. I don’t know who to talk about this to because it is very difficult for me to tell friends and family and i think it might be difficult for them too. I was diagnosed with anorexia at 13 after a diet decided to put myself on got wildly out of control. I managed to avoid hospitalisation but it was bad enough that i was stopped doing PE, then made to go home for lunch so i could be monitored then finally i had to stay off school for a long period, were I was put on bed rest at home then had to go to a day unit everyday, because those were the only conditions they’d let me stay out of hospital. The illness took away my teenage years, trying to fight this battle and seeing lots of different kind of professionals, but at 19 i finally recovered and got discharged. I still am only comfortable to watch what i eat and have a relatively low weight (but not dangerously low).

But here is the problem. Recently i’ve started to feel ‘fat’ quite often and im very aware of people round me and if I think there thinner than me. I get quite concerned about it and feel strongly like i should be thinner when I see them. I feel like i’ve been restricting diet a bit more and today found out i lost a few pounds. I felt that familiar rush of happiness seeing it. I’m so scared about going down that path again. My life is so much better now, i have friends, a job, I go out and have fun- i have a life, not just anorexia. I really don’t want to lose that but the lure can be so strong, even though rationally I know its not worth it.

I’m worried about telling family and friends because I don’t want to put them through that again and it is hard to talk about. It will worry them. And i’m not keen on telling the dr because i don’t want to get referred back to the services i worked so hard to get discharged from. I still hold out hope that it’s not far gone enough to need that.
I hope this doesn’t all sound petty or vain. It is really hard to explain how awful anorexia feels to people who don’t have it. Thanks so much.xx

[colinmackay]

While I don't have a major eating disorder (at least not one that's required medical intervention - I comfort eat when stressed, which is mild in comparison I'll admit) I know a few people that feel similarly to the way you do (to varying degrees)

Anyway, it is great that you've been able to detect the problem yourself. I always think that so long as you admit that you have a problem you can go some way to stop it getting out of hand.

While you feel you don't want to admit it to others or your doctor, I'd probably say that now is probably the best time to see the doctor. If you don't then the problem could get worse which just makes hospitalisation more and more inevitable.

I hope things work out and you don't fall back into the situation you were in before.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

I hope this doesn’t all sound petty or vain. It is really hard to explain how awful anorexia feels to people who don’t have it.

Hi Anon.

No its not petty or vain, the fear of being fat is real. As I have not had any personal experience of anorexia, all I can suggest is that you seek advice from a doctor or any help and support groups in your area. Since you are aware of the situation you are in now and in the past, has already made you ask for help, Which is good, is it your mind saying you are fat? Can you try and accept you are not fat, by impressing on yourself positive throughts of how slim you are already. One way to is to look at fat people instead of thin people, and saying to yourself how good you look. I know its a worry but try to break the downward cycle with positive thoughts. Good luck m8.

[Genersis]

I really can't think of any advice as i have no expirence in such matters.
So:

Hope this helps ya feel better!mile:

[Vikta]

Definitely not petty or vain. It's an issue that should be taken very seriously. And i agree with Colin, it'd be best to consult with a doctor asap before it becomes more of an issue. You've been down that road before and you know what you need to do. And you're smart enough to know that it's not something you can hide from those that care about you for long. So speak with a dr/counselor to get yourself back on track!

Being healthy is far sexier and attractive than being rail thin

good luck!

-Victor E.

[juk]

Hi Anon,

I would urge you to not tackle this alone. I dont think that you have a need to disclose things to family/friends however I do think it would be beneficial to visit your doctor so that they can suggest support to help you make sense of whats happening. Its likely to doctor will be able to put you in touch with a counsellor who can help you make sense of whats going on so you can work through it - its unlikely that you will be referred back to the services you worked hard to get discharged from at the stage you are at.

Blips like this happen sometimes with anorexia. You put in a lot of hard work to get over the worst of it before, now you have to learn how to deal with blips like this and a professional will help you do that.

Good luck mile:

[fenris]

I think to have a problem is not the problem ... The problem starts when you have a problem, you know this is a problem and you do nothing against it.
You should go very quickly back in medical treatment .. before the problem becomes to a catastrophe.

[marshlander]

Another suggestion, if you don't wish to find yourself drawn into the formal medical system that you have worked so hard to escape from might be to consider looking for a private counsellor. There are some good people around, although you may have to search a bit to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

Congratulations on recognising the symptoms before they really take hold again.

Best wishes to you.

[Sil]

I've always been a little overweight and struggled with it most of my life, kinda feeling ashamed of my body. I took an interest in health issues lately, started working out and gained muscle, even visited a few documentaries on the subject which were pure entertainment but rather useful for moral -

one of the techniques used involved taking sufferers of anorexia into pampering treatments and Spa days. They found that the lack of eating was linked to a lack of self-love and indulgence, the clients often felt they didn't deserve to be treated. By showing them the pleasures of massage, light excercise, and therapies, this was accompanied by a small meal afterwards. These treats were always conducted in a small group of likeminded people - this might not seem important, but psychologically speaking there was a lot of affirmation. Other people with eating disorders started to enjoy the food (which was delicious!) and it had a knock on effect, so it became a joint experience rather than a guilty pleasure.

I hope some of this helps - look after yourself treat yourself to something indulgent, not necessarily in the form of food. Work on building a positive image of yourself for the future, and focus on the good aspects of yourself. Everyone wants to look their best, and you will.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Something has changed in your life, that something is causing you to go down old familiar roads.

So many tiny things in a person's life could be a 'trigger event' that starts one down the road again.

I would strongly suggest that you seek a therapist NOW before this gets out of hand. Do tell the therapist where you have been, and hopefully together you can figure out what is triggering you again.

If you nip it in the bud before it becomes a major issue, then most likely you will not have to involve all of these other people and put them through 'stuff' as what happened the last time around.

Mental and emotional health issues often do require regular 'tune-ups'. But then life is perpetual change and that change can lead to triggering us down old familiar roads. So this is not unusual or something 'bad'. It just is.