I was arrested for public lewdness

[Anonymous]

So what now?

I went to a nude beach in New Jersey over Labor Day Weekend for my birthday. I ended up getting arrested for public lewdness after getting caught with another man behind the dunes.

Looking back on it, I don't know why I did such a stupid thing. I'm usually good with making decisions regarding legal matters. I don't drink and drive, and I certainly don't do drugs or anything else. I've never been in any trouble with the law before.

The whole thing has been a fiasco. Initially I was lied to by the arresting officer who said I would not be arrested if I could show an ID. I showed my ID and was arrested anyway. Then on the court date the other guy showed up with his wife and their baby and he denied that it happened, so now I have to go back again. The deal was that if I pled guilty the charge would be downgraded to disorderly conduct. But I will have a criminal record.

I feel like I ruined my life and the other guy's life too. I initiated the conversation but he initiated the sexual contact. I'm hoping that the judge will expunge my record and I can just pay a fine. After all I wasn't hurting anybody, but apparently the straight world thinks a blowjob out of view heinous crime.

I feel like trash. I feel like killing myself. I'm afraid my friends won't like me anymore if they find out. What do I do? Court was an awful experience. Sitting there in the courtroom with all those crackheads and drunk drivers.

[fenris]

you have nothing ruined, not your and not the other guys life ( He is responsible for his "crimes" themselves ) ... you have maybe some problems... but not more. It is probably embarrassing, but nothing is destroyed. And you are not the only with this kind of problems...
In court... say that you now know about your fault and you really don´t do it again.. but don´t grin... mile:
If someone should ask you about .. smile cheeky ..and say " Yes .. thats me".. and nothing will happen....

Or like my mother said in a situation like this :Stand up again, Head up, Breast out, shake the sand out of clothing... smile... and go on !

[TimmyThink]

What’s important in this situation is that you stay strong and power through it the best you can, an the next time you’re walking into that courtroom you do with your head held high.

No matter the outcome you can’t let this situation destroy your self respect.

[Wintereis]

YOU NEED A LAWYER! If you can afford one, get one and stay away from the public defenders if you can. The reason why I tell you this is because any crime of a sexual nature, will make you a registered sex offender with all the negatives that go with it. That means future employment, future housing, everything, just because you took a tumble in the sand. And people tend to just look at the "sex offender" part of the issue and not what the actual offence was.

[eastofeden]

Ditto to what Wintereis said...you need to do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to insure you are not on the sex offender list because it will haunt you forever and you will have to register as such and it is public record...

I had a few customers at the bar I worked at who went through this and I felt bad for them as I dont' think public sex with consenting adults has any place on the sex offender list.

If the other guy swears he didn't do it can you swear the same? As for reducing the charges for pleading guilty you need to ask specifically if you will be a registered sex offender...it is something you need to consider when making your choice.

[matty7]

its happend now and unfortunatly you cant turn back the clock, just try and stay positive and focused, like wintereis says....try to afford your own lawyer - he can make a huge difference in the outcome - a public defender will prob a mountain of clients that day covering every kind of case goin, you need someone who has a vested interest in you winning your case, good luck

[Aaycle]

Registered Sexual Offender? This could only happen if the sexual act was upon an individual that can not consent to sexual acts. The consenting party was a man with wife, children, and deep denial.

Anon, you will be ok. You may not look back on this and have a hearty laugh. But you will learn from it. I see that the thought of being labelled a criminal, and losing the love of your Family scares the hell out of you. But if they truly love you, they will pretend it never happened.

I agree you should get a great lawyer and talk this down to a fine and a warning! A criminal record is for seven fucking years! And it stops you from travelling, and attaining a new job!! Hey, good luck guy, and again I agree, you should hold your head up high!!!

[marshlander]

Registered Sexual Offender? This could only happen if the sexual act was upon an individual that can not consent to sexual acts. The consenting party was a man with wife, children, and deep denial.

Anon, you will be ok. You may not look back on this and have a hearty laugh. But you will learn from it. ...

With respect, Aaycle, this is naive. An entry on any country's sex offences register is made if the law in that country can be shown to have been broken. The consequences are devastating and long-lasting. Once upon a time harassment, not to mention entrapment, were commonly used in Britain by the forces of law and order who found chasing real crimes too difficult. Many lives have been ruined and, tragically, many suicides have been the result of being convicted under such circumstances. Anon, I suggest you follow Wintereis' admonition as soon as possible. I hope you have the means to do so.

Best wishes to you. This sounds like an awful experience.

Just a thought. Do you think it would have gone this far had it been a straight couple behind the dunes?

[princealbertofb]

How does New Jersey treat gays / or gay acts these days?

I'd go with the lawyer, which I think is safest for the best outcome. May I add my sympathy to you in this trying time.

[Sil]

I was arrested and given a caution back in 2001, and while it might feel like the end of the world right now, trust me it's not such a big deal.

In the UK minor offences are quashed after 10 years (I believe), so firstly it's not forever. Anybody with half a brain also will see it for what it is - a misdemeanour. Straight people get caught for it, guys urinating in public, public nudity. Most of these fall under public disorders/nuisance/lewdness, and are seen as part of life, or a life well-lived.

I have never experienced trouble in travel, employment, or applications (banks etc.) because of it.

I do feel like you may not have been properly represented, and I second the advice given here to look at your rights through free legal advice (if it's not too trying). Being ashamed of a crime is a bad reason to deny yourself your rights for your future.