Peaceful Being LQQking for other Peaceful People... if there are any out there!

[Genersis]

Welcome!:biggrin:
Sorry i'm alittle late.:redface:

Enjoy your stay.mile:

[Aaycle]

Hello and Welcome.

[LoneSomeDove2182]

glad to be here and meeting all you folks :biggrin:

[LoneSomeDove2182]

screams : me want a cookie!!!! thanks for stopping by and have a blessed day

[LoneSomeDove2182]

Introduction Part 2: :frown: Daddy issues! My birth was supposedly planned to the T. However, both of my parents didn't quite get what they prayed for! I don't believe that my mother even wanted any children, but my father wanted a BOY! A man's man football jock lady killer!!! When I was born it was reported to me that my father was so happy to have a son. Soon though, the tides turned from happiness to frustration and hatred as my personality started to emerge! I was a happy bubbly youth from as far back as I can remember and that is why my father hated me. I was a Queen when what he wanted was a KING! an heir to his throne as it were! I think that is partly what caused my parents to divorce. He wanted a "normal" son and instead got his first born my sister and ME!!! He was my world/ my everything and I was practically nothing to him. No matter how much he beat me or mentally f*cked me up, I still loved him more than any other. I remember the day, the actual second when I knew that I was GAY. It was awkward and I had to play it off being a child because it involved my dad/ of course being that young I didn't know what it was or that I was different than anyone else! I remember being in the masterbathroom and sitting on the toilet as my father was showering in front of me. I remeber just staring at him up and down and when he caught me looking at him yelled at me and I quickly ran away! I think for a split second I forgot who he was and was entranced by this beautiful male body. Anyway I think this is the situation that set my father over the edge. Later on, my parents divorced in what I like to call my personal holocaust of the 90's. The divorce was ugly to put it nicely and resembled WWIII. Both of my parents tried to pit us against the other, not so much because they loved us the just wanted to be the VICTOR of WAR! My father was never really there for me as a child, teen, or adult so I think this is where a lot of my "issues" come from! No matter what I was, what I did or who I would become, nothing would please this man, my father. Years went by after the divorce and our relationship if that's what you would call it became strained to say the least and always moved farther apart! Finally, when I was 16 y/o my father called me and said that he was sending his drug addicted/alcoholic stepson to bring me to his house for visitation. I refused to go with him and told my father that if he wanted to see me, as my father, it was his responsibility to come and get me! He told me over the phone that he wished me and my whole family would go straight to HELL and that he NEVER wanted to see me again. I told him that I loved him and hung up the phone. That was the last time I spoke to him.... 12 years ago. People are always telling me that I should be the bigger person and forgive/forget, but I say at what point does this grown man accept responsibility for his actions. He was an adulterer and wanted a NEW family and so he left. Myself, my mother and my sister were not good enough or important enough for him to stay, so why should I entertain his presence now. He always told me, well son maybe when you grow up and become a man you'll understand my situation and we can then have a relationship after you have found it in your heart to forgive me! I say in return that I am a grown ass man and I accept the consequences of my actions. If I did to my kids what he did to me I could not fault them for never wanting to have anything to do with me. In closing, I am still waiting for his apologizing for ruining a life and killing a soul of a human being who just wanted to be loved and accepted! You ruined my life before my life had really even begun and you should be ashamed of yourself. I will probably never have a normal life because being GAY you have left me without the ability to love, trust, respect, or be intimate with another man which has robbed me of the ability to be social and even find my soulmate. You took a life away that I can't get back... All I can do is try to survive one day at a time and make the best of my exsistence that waits in front of me. I will do my best to be HAPPY and find happiness in another in spite of the life that you have given me!

[marshlander]

Tough experience. You may never get that childhood back, but don't despair that a future may not be possible. To love and be loved is wonderful and I hope you can be in that situation one day ... and for many days thereafter.

[LoneSomeDove2182]

me too! thank you! :biggrin: