I was @ the Rawhide 2010 bar in French Quarter, New Orleans Louisiana for Southern Decadence when a guy came up to me and started rubbing my chest asking me if I was with anyone. I stated yes, but that didn't seem to bother him. Firstly, I am a Gay Man with trust issues with men. I don't have any male friends. Secondly, I have personal space issues due to child abuse and don't like to be touched unless I trust the person-- refer back to #1. Anyway, I got the sensation that he was only out for a one night stand as we were all leaving the next day because the celebration was over. I don't do hookups or one night stands so I brushed him off. I felt so horrible- like my standards are too high, because believe me I don't get hit on a lot unless it's gross older men or people that look like me. I should just take what I can get right. My problem is that I'm a typical BEAR and am attracted to muscular/handsome smooth men-- who probably wouldn't be interested in me. This is my life dilemma. Everyone I'm attracted to isn't attracted to me back, but I digress. The next morning we were getting our bags in preparation to leave the hotel and who do you think I saw at the bell hop baggage line-- yep. The same guy I turned down was now standing in my hotel right in front of me! Now, I feel even worse because he is hanging his head and won't even look in my direction. I feel terrible like I had ruined his whole weekend, but he wanted something I just couldn't do. But then I start to think that he was ashamed because he got shot down by a "ugly" person who should have been desperate and a "sure thing" and then thinking that I get pissed off! Anyway to whoever you were, I sincerely apologize if I hurt your feelings back there-- it was not intentional, it's just that I have TOO HIGH A MORAL CODE![/B]
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Are you asking us, if, your standards of what you deem respectable, comfortable, and liveable (according to you) are too high? You do realise only you can decide these standards for yourself. If I were you, I would not apologise for these standards, they are who you are. If others do not like, appreciate, or understand them, that is their prerogative. You seem to be a good man, a honest man, a caring man. Don't allow guilt for someone else's lack of morals change you, or cause you discomfort. Be a proud man with high moral codes.
I confess... I hate morals and ethics, but it is only because I have none... lol.
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You didn't invite this man to come into your personal space to start fondling you. It's nothing to do with standards and moral codes, he was in the wrong. Our bodies are our own and we choose with whom we'll share them.
He hung his head because he was embarrassed, I hope. You didn't ruin his weekend, he did.
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I think this has nothing to do with moral codes.... but we maybe have different definitions of moral codes ... you don´t want to be touched by strange people without your permission. Maybe it sounds a bit strange but I react very aggressive when someone touched me without permission, too. If I want to touch someone I ask first.... that was a problem with my man in the first time I had to unlearn it first. But it´s not because I have bad experiences .... it is because private Space has a very high level for me.
You should watch what is very important for you... it helps a lot to know such things about yourself because it prevents experiences you have written. If someone will touch you... answer it with a very clear "Don´t touch me !"... or like I do " Never touch me again.."
This " no-one of guys I´m attracted on is attracted to me "- thing is a known problem of many people ... but it is not true... you have only not meet the right guy... give you the time... and watch out for more male friends ... gay and straight ... thats very important.
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When I was 21 and first started working in a club...I had one young blond (by young I mean my same age at the time) after another attracted to me and it was a terrible ordeal for me going to work every night and dealing with it because I have no attraction at all to blonds sexually:confused:...and what really shocked me was how when the bar closed all of the other bartenders and doormen were drooling over all of them and I thought to myself how ironic it all was....I used to wish I could take myself out of the equation because it all got so uncomfortable for me....too often when some people are making advances toward you the words NO THANK YOU fall on deaf ears and as time went along I had to learn that I wasn't responsible for the other person's feelings....just as you are not in any way responsible for that guy's feelings.
Morality is something we all have to define for ourselves and only you can answer your question...if you are proud of it and respect yourself then you are doing fine IMO. You will never go wrong if you stay true to yourself. For me..honesty is REALLY IMPORTANT...It is integral to my own moral well being to be honest with myself and the person(s) I love. The expression of sexuality in all it's forms as long as it doesn't include animals, children or uninvited force (consenting adults about sums it up) is not a moral issue for me personally one way or the other,
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Hi Lonesome...
This guy invaded your personal space although he had no idea you would feel the way you did about it nor have any clue to your history. But he initiated contact, and clearly didn't care whether you were with anyone or not because he chose to ignore the implications of your answer. His wrong - not yours.
But I wonder, have you thought about some form of counselling to alleviate the way way you feel about the past and the issues regarding trust? Unless an individual really is happy and comfortable without a significant other in his life, it's a shame to go through it without anyone to give the love and support he desires.
Sadly there will always be guys out there with roving eyes and wandering hands. My first long-term boyfriend was sort of shy in new social situations and what didn't help was the local weirdo pawing him at the bar. I waited for an appropriate moment and told the sleaze that if he put his hands on my boyfriend again, I'd rip the offending limb off and beat him to death with the wet end!
You defended your right to decide who becomes intimate with you, you did nothing wrong.
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mile:
