Finally got around to joning

[Dville118]

But how did it feel being the centre of his attention, wondering if something might come of it, etc.

heh, ya know I'd been on maybe 3 or 4 dates total with women.. I was always uncomfortable and apathetic in them. I wasn't interested in what I was doing.. I just figured "she's not the one." cos you know.. "guys like girls" that's just how it works.. especially coming from a small southern town in the us.. gay people just "didn't exist." you never saw a gay couple out in public or in school or anything. The few times that you DID see them they would catch sneers and under the breath comments from friends and family members..

I don't live there anymore. I don't really like visiting either because the place is so.. small world ya know?

but again I ramble.. (I do this lol.)

Yes.. my dates with guys have been exiting and interesting! I've enjoyed meeting them (again 3 or 4 dates so far.. I'm sorta having to start all over..) enjoyed going out and spending time with them.. tho none of them have worked out.. it has been my fault on all but 1 of them. (I have a tendency to push people away.. I think because I'm not entirely comfortable with my sexuality yet..) Now that I think about it.. I bet that 1 was my fault too.. but I was really into him.. I think I freaked him out.

Welcome Lol lucky you you get to be the non obvious gay; according to my friends Im blatantly obvious

I guess I am lucky in that respect. I have a lot of interests that tbh I've suppressed over the years because they weren't masculine.. my mother was so much into arts and crafts I couldn't help but pick up on her knack for it. Right now I have a wine bottle in my garage that I plan to wrap in twine and put in my bookshelf in the living room. I would have already done it but I needed it for putting gas in my project truck lol.

I tell you tho it does get old having people constantly asking me about a GF. My father keeps telling me to go on eharmony and "find myself a girl" tells me "you're not getting any younger" and "you have to start dating if you want to be married in a few years."

My company employs more gay men than straight men. We work in the medical field so there's a lot of ex nurses. I don't think even my gay coworkers know about me. Though, I may have given hints to one of them. He's a cool guy and I'd like to be friends with him.. he also has a fashion sense that I'm just dying to emulate. I try to be good with clothes, and I enjoy shopping for them, especially with a friend that actually cares.. (my female friends abandon me "I'll be in the girl's section when you're done." )but I don't always have it nailed down. I don't like mismatched colors.. so black pants/belt/shoes/socks that are different types of black bug me. I'm trying to get beyond that as it's severely limiting my wardrobe to avoid black.

[fredv3b]

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed your dates. However just because it wasn't his fault doesn't mean it must be your fault, in my opinion, dates often don't work out simply because it wasn't to be.

Just since you mentioned it, I seem to mostly wear black.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Hi and welcome to GS.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Heeyy!! Welcome! What about your interests and likes? :]

[Synaesthete]

Hello and welcome you sound like a nice guy

[princealbertofb]

Hello Dville119 and to GaySpeak... Yes coming out to yourself is the most important thing you can do to start feeling comfortable with it all. From then on it becomes easier to tell other people as one accepts that one has one's place in society and in some people's hearts. So when do you plan to come out and who to first??? Any idea where that might lead?

[Dville118]

Hello Dville119 and to GaySpeak... Yes coming out to yourself is the most important thing you can do to start feeling comfortable with it all. From then on it becomes easier to tell other people as one accepts that one has one's place in society and in some people's hearts. So when do you plan to come out and who to first??? Any idea where that might lead?

Well, I'm sort of.. accidentally out to my mother.. which is good I think. She's always known how to pry things out of me. She actually found out about the same time I did..

I was visiting them for thanksgiving and mom was stresed about the fact that it was their last christmas in their house that they'd built in 1986. The economy hit em pretty hard and they downsized.. but I was driving me and her back from the mexican place she liked and she was talking about that and she said something to the effect that I need to be more involved in what they're doing.

I told her I had problems of my own.. she tried to pry it out of me and when I said "I'm not ready to talk about it" she says.. "are you gay?"... whut?? I told her at the time what I'd believed. (bi.) We pulled into a church parking lot across the street from their neighborhood and talked it over.

She's been pretty supportive.. though I don't walk to her much about it. When we do talk about it she says contradictory things like "you're not an abomination and you're not going to hell" then she'll say a few minutes later "we're all judged for our choices in the end." ... so I have no idea.

She thinks I shouldn't tell me dad.. well.. ever.. she thnks he'll reject me. I'm more apt to believe he'll be depressed and internalize it as a personal failure. He's a very introverted person and takes a lot of things personally.. he also tends to lash out at people and say things he doesn't mean.. so.. there's that too. Either way he doesn't know in so far tha tI've told him.. but he's dropped hints before when I've rejected his push for me to date females that perhaps there's something more than just too busy with life to do it.

Friends.. hrmm.. well most of my friends are from my old home town. i've lived here in ATL for 4 years and.. well.. I don't really care for the place but I like the anonymity of it all.

2 of my closest friends are very strict christians. I went with them last may on a vacation to florida (had a great time!) and got stuck in the car with someone else driving. They somehow got on the topic of my gay friends that live in oregon. my close friends then proceeded to say that there's no possibility of emotional and romantic love between 2 men and that it's only physical and that it's a mental problem, a choice, or a drug induced insanity. ...

I skipped dinner that night. I told them I wasn't hungry. I walked out to the beach and stood around. I talked ot my dad about other things on the phone to calm me down about it.

I think I may lose those friends if I come out to them. I'm trying to find some new ones now.

extended family such as my uncle etc. are very much what I call "old south." they're racist, sexist and deeply religious people. My uncle refused to buy a car in 1999 because the finance manager was black. (can you believe this guy??) so.. I don't EVER plan to come out to him. Who knows how he'd react..

my aunt on the other side recently came to visit.. got drunk and loudly complained within hearing distance about an interracial couple at the restaurant a few tables over.

.. won't be coming out to her either.

I suppose the good thing is i'm fairly segregated from these people. They're not directly in my life, in my city and for my aunt.. not even in the same state. I'm not financially attached or anything.. so that's good too.

I'm really glad that i'm not honestly lol. Being close to these people and being this way could be quite disastrous

I've completely re-invented myself lately.. as much as I can honestly.

I lost over 130 pounds, I changed what I drove.. how I dress what I do with my time.. how I eat.. people don't recognize me in what I wear drive or look like. Honestly I'd like to change regions of the country etc. but.. the housing market makes a move impossible,

Heeyy!! Welcome! What about your interests and likes? :]

Interests and likes huh? Well.. LOTS of stuff lol.

well, I'm a big fan of music and I used to play in band in middle and higschool. I like anything and everything pretty much.. from lady gaga to volbeat, slayer etc... mozart.. about the only thing tha tgets on my nerves these days is kesha.. I just can't stand her.

I love history and historical sites.. ruins etc. I love the civil war history here in ATL and the museums.

I love symphony and broadway. I was lucky enough to see phantom of the opera live in NYC in 99 and I just loved it. I'd really like to go back some day for some other shows.. or to even see the same ones again.

I read occasionally and like books on tape when they're read well.. as well as the old radio shows from the 40s-60s. (xm radio classics.. great station!) I write fiction, science fiction I should say.. but i'm not very good. I'd love to have something I write published some day.. it's a hobby really. I'm far from an expert. I'd need an editor big time.

I've taken up drawing.. though again i'm not very good.. it's something I can learn that's always a challenge so I do that on occasion.

I'm a big time car nut. I love working on cars, owning cars, modding cars, I love watching racing especially if it's dirt or mud lol. baja, rally, mud bogs tractor pulls monster trucks.. drag racing is interesting too.

I like restoring cars and going to car shows, I love a walk through a junkyard. I'd love to take my car to a road track and race around some one day.

hrmm, I guess movies and videogames go w/o saying right? I'm really wanting to get fallout3 new vegas but I need a new video card in my pc and I'm just too cheap to get it.

i work in IT so computers and electronics are also in my interests.

[princealbertofb]

Wow, what a complete man... You are at a stage where I think you are ready to take your life into your own hands, and lose the friends and family that are not helping you to grow. Their loss, to be honest. You are right in thinking that you need to change your horizons and get the sort of friends that will support you and help you to be yourself and fulfil your dreams. Who needs family such as the one you've got? I hope your mother is alright with it, and I'm guessing your father kind of suspects but is too introverted to actually say it, just in case he was wrong and you got upset. (?) You don't mention any brothers and sisters, whereby I'm guessing you're an only child. The thing is, one day you'll want to be able to introduce your lover / boyfriend / partner to your parents probably, and I think it would be simpler if your dad knew, but we can tell our dads in more subtle ways than just coming out with it in a blatant fashion. I've never had to say anything to my dad. He's just seen me with my partner and accepted that that was what made me happy. The words have not been mentioned but he understands and knows, there's no doubt about it. Now, in subtle ways, he asks me: "When is Marshlander coming over?" so I tell him and then he says, 'can he bring me something from England?" and I say, I'm sure he can... so I think that's his way of showing that it's ok.

[LoneSomeDove2182]

mile: Hi and Welcome! Hope you are having a Great Weekend! Welcome Welcome Welcome! Be Blessed! XOXOXO ; )

[fredv3b]

She's been pretty supportive.. though I don't walk to her much about it. When we do talk about it she says contradictory things like "you're not an abomination and you're not going to hell" then she'll say a few minutes later "we're all judged for our choices in the end." ... so I have no idea.

Perhaps she still has the ideas and values she was brought up with, but isn't prepared to reject her son over them?

She thinks I shouldn't tell me dad.. well.. ever.. she thnks he'll reject me. I'm more apt to believe he'll be depressed and internalize it as a personal failure. He's a very introverted person and takes a lot of things personally.. he also tends to lash out at people and say things he doesn't mean.. so.. there's that too. Either way he doesn't know in so far tha tI've told him.. but he's dropped hints before when I've rejected his push for me to date females that perhaps there's something more than just too busy with life to do it.

It seems that your lack of dating women is beginning to worry him. While I, generally speaking, would not agree with never telling your father, you need to choose the time carefully. Perhaps waiting till you have found yourself a good man and are happy with him? You would then be successful, happy and whatever stories he may have heard regarding endless casual gay sex clearly don't apply to you. You may be in a better position to convince him, not to regard your homosexuality as a personal failure, and perhaps to see you success and happiness in life as a personal success (even if it wasn't quite what he had in mind).