Lost, and Confused
11-15-2010, 09:49 AM
Hello all. I am new here, and I wanted to ask you all for some advice.
I am a 27 year old man from NYC. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 years now. I have been bi-sexual all my life, but I'm not sure that I am anymore. I'm still physically attracted to women, but emotionally, they don't do it for me anymore.
I am just now becoming comfortable with who I am. In a way I am out, but in a way I'm not. Some people know, but many do not. At this point in time, I am just ready to let it all out! I have mixed emotions about it though. My boss and I are very good friends, and he has no idea. The bad part is I know for a fact that when I come out, it's going to be a major deal simply because I am the #3 person in charge at our company. I am know all over the city, and our company is growing fast, and was recently rated #1 in our industry. My boss is very homophobic. We hang out together a lot, and he sometimes uses the dreaded F-word. We have been working together almost three years. I had a girlfriend when we first met, and he still believes I have one. But it's coming to a point where the both of us are getting closer to each other, and soon it will be quite obvious that I no longer have a girlfriend. Not only that, but I am afraid my coming out would really hurt our business.
Then there is my dad. He is extremely homophobic! He hasn't really been around much, but as of late he has been trying to become a part of my life. Every time he pisses me off, I want to tell him, but I know he would never take it serious if I said it under those circumstances. He would just assume I was being spiteful.
I am so afraid of becoming an outsider. My partner is also semi-out, but he wants to come out completely as well. He asked me to marry him recently, and I said yes. He is very masculine like me, but he doesn't care what anyone thinks. The only person in his circle who does not know is his father. So now, he is at the point where he would like to hold my hand in public, and all those things. I want to as well, but I can't bring myself to do it anywhere outside of The Village.
I told my mother 11 years ago, and until now I've always wanted to keep it a secret. But now I am so in love that I want the world to know!!
But I don't know what to do!! Any and all advise would be appreciated.
I am a 27 year old man from NYC. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 years now. I have been bi-sexual all my life, but I'm not sure that I am anymore. I'm still physically attracted to women, but emotionally, they don't do it for me anymore.
I am just now becoming comfortable with who I am. In a way I am out, but in a way I'm not. Some people know, but many do not. At this point in time, I am just ready to let it all out! I have mixed emotions about it though. My boss and I are very good friends, and he has no idea. The bad part is I know for a fact that when I come out, it's going to be a major deal simply because I am the #3 person in charge at our company. I am know all over the city, and our company is growing fast, and was recently rated #1 in our industry. My boss is very homophobic. We hang out together a lot, and he sometimes uses the dreaded F-word. We have been working together almost three years. I had a girlfriend when we first met, and he still believes I have one. But it's coming to a point where the both of us are getting closer to each other, and soon it will be quite obvious that I no longer have a girlfriend. Not only that, but I am afraid my coming out would really hurt our business.
Then there is my dad. He is extremely homophobic! He hasn't really been around much, but as of late he has been trying to become a part of my life. Every time he pisses me off, I want to tell him, but I know he would never take it serious if I said it under those circumstances. He would just assume I was being spiteful.
I am so afraid of becoming an outsider. My partner is also semi-out, but he wants to come out completely as well. He asked me to marry him recently, and I said yes. He is very masculine like me, but he doesn't care what anyone thinks. The only person in his circle who does not know is his father. So now, he is at the point where he would like to hold my hand in public, and all those things. I want to as well, but I can't bring myself to do it anywhere outside of The Village.
I told my mother 11 years ago, and until now I've always wanted to keep it a secret. But now I am so in love that I want the world to know!!
But I don't know what to do!! Any and all advise would be appreciated.
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mile: well dear i would say that you are lucky in the sense that you have a commited partner with you who wants to be your husband, this will act like a pillow when the world falls apart! you must not dread but be prepared for that to happen! just know that those who can't love you for you never really loved you anyway and so you are not losing anyone! as far as the job that may be over when you come out but thats what your pillow is for... a soft landing in the hard times! no matter what happens, honey be true to yourself and make yourself happy in whatever way you can~Life is too short! : ) XOXOXO
