Just feel like giving up

[I-heart-U]

First of all I want to apologize for starting this thread because I joined GS to make new friends, not to bitch about my life.

As some of you know, I'm still very much in the closet and don't know ANY gay people near my area. As a result the last month or so I have been feeling terrible, I'm surrounded by 15000 people but I have never felt so alone.

When I reflect on my life there really isn't much to live for if I think about it, I'm in the closet, I don't have any Gay friends (and the few straight friends I have I've alienated because of my depression) I don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone or have a relationship, at 23 the closest to having a boyfriend I've ever been is letting some idiots do me, that's IT.

Although I don't go around moaning about my life (I'm very good at making out like everything is ok until I'm on my own) people around me have started to notice that I'm just not happy. I genuinely feel like I have no real friends (If I told my friends I was gay most would run a mile, even though they'd have to be blind not to realize that I've never had a girlfriend, don't ever talk about girls or turn my head towards a good looking girl ).

My family and I are on different planets and as I said when I joined this forum, the moment I tell them that I'm gay they will immediately disown me if I refuse to see a doctor.

When I think about the last time I was happy I genuinely can't think of a time, 23 years old at University and can't think of the last time I was happy. I believe life is precious and that nobody should waste their life (that's why I'm still around) but at the moment I'm struggling to see the point of my life and I just can't see things getting better.

I always said I don't need looking after but right now I'd give my right arm for a guy just to understand me and to somehow help me turn my life around because when I look in the mirror, I don't recognise the person staring back at me.

[longislandguy]

Hi, I've felt similar feelings to you, especially when I get sad. One thing that helps me is to think about how you never know what will happen.

For example, I met a guy last spring because I posted an ad looking for friends on a creepy sex website. I had no other option, all the dating sites cost money and they would bill my house so my parents could see (so i thought). We hung out a few times then lost contact for months, I even deleted his phone number. A couple weeks ago he texted me and now we're going to a gay bar together this weekend. Our parents have no idea and screw it, I don't care.

And what about being in University? That's a great window of opportunity. What are your options for the future? If you're able to move out and become independent that will really make this sort of stuff easier.

There's got to be something you can do, I'm sure you have some ideas too, right? I'm still figuring this all out myself, but if you're like me, I know you don't want to really kill yourself.

Please, PM me if you'd like.

[jade_ari]

Dont feel bad...You know, you are in college, most colleges have a LGBT Group that you could join...just keep your chin up buddy...it will only get better, just keep yourself positive...*hugs*

[Sil]

Hello I-Heart,

man, you sound like you're living the life I had at univeristy; people always told me it would be the best and most exciting time of my life and it turned out to be exactly the opposite. I hadn't officially 'come out' either, and felt that same feeling of dread like I would be even more alone if I actually told anybody about it. Truth is you're going through (I'd say) one of the hardest parts of being a gay man, if that is indeed your true feeling. I am still envious of people who had the knowledge of themselves and confidence at a young age to be gay, thus avoiding all the confusion and problems of young manhood.

empathy aside, there were a few things that helped me so much. I was 23 like you, recently dumped, and failed my final year, living in this absolute shithole dump with one of my friends who constantly had his annoying girlfriend over! ... the only thing that really helped was excercise and working out... bear with me here...

Having something physical to focus on is a progressive goal and a great distraction, whilst also building on your confidence. I'm not saying 'join a gym', but if you can think of something you can enjoy that burns off the stress, the relaxation afterwards is sublime. Also diet is an interesting factor - processed foods really don't do much to lift your mood, I'm becoming increasingly aware of this.

*hugs* there are plenty of people on here who will understand what you're going through and try to give you all the help you need... Be brave! if you feel you can, try confronting some of these issues gently and see what happens. I came out to my straight friends very gradually, and after the initial nerves of telling them they were fine with it and time healed shock. I'm with Jade too, most universities have an LGBT group who are friendly and welcoming, and will be experienced in your situation, I'd be tempted to check them out.

Look after yourself treat yourself to some good food, relaxation, and a change in image. If you don't like the current you, you can think of the person you'd like to be and work towards it. I know it won't be easy, but I'm wishing you all the best. Been there, wouldn't want it again *snugs*

[Rychard the Lionheart]

First of all I want to apologize for starting this thread because I joined GS to make new friends, not to bitch about my life.

As some of you know, I'm still very much in the closet and don't know ANY gay people near my area. As a result the last month or so I have been feeling terrible, I'm surrounded by 15000 people but I have never felt so alone.

My family and I are on different planets and as I said when I joined this forum, the moment I tell them that I'm gay they will immediately disown me if I refuse to see a doctor.

No need to apologize m8, a lot of us have been/is/will be there. Being lonely is depressing and is no fun. Just hang in and try other avenues to find someone. Take a look on the net for your local area, see if there is any gay groups or places to investigate. Also make a effort to secure a place of your own to live, rented or freehold. Then if the parents disown you, you have the freedom to live the way you want to and makes it easier to have friends around you without questions. Good luck and hope you meet someone soon.

[I-heart-U]

Hi guys,

I just wanted to apologize for starting this thread. The way I feel is my problem and I don't need to burden other people with my problems, I will be fine though so don't worry about me. You guys joined this site to make new friends and have a good time (as did I) so you don't need to be made miserable by me.

[TimmyThink]

Come on now, no Apologize needed.
You want to get something off your chest you go right ahead an do it.

[matty7]

i -heart-u , dont appologies about posting , getting through life takes help so if people here can help a bit then its all good - keep putting messages up till u get answers mate that make ur life that bit better