My coming out story

[Marvinteck]

I started sleeping with my best friend in highschool. Back then I considered it experimentation. We were both sworn to secrecy by each other. Keeping it a secret back then wasnt a big burden on me. It was only after I ran from my sexuality due religous reasons and went into denial when I was 18 I started running into problems. A year after I went into denial I tried killing myself because I was so ashamed of my gay feelings and what I had done as an teen. I didnt think my family would accept me and I thought god was going to send me to hell if I pursued the gay life. I hid in the closet for ten years and was miserable because I was running away from my sexuality and hated gay people. Six months before my 28th birthday I casually admitted to an friend I was bisexual. As my birthday got closer I started having suicidal thoughts again. Two weeks before my birthday in September I had two scenarios set up in my mind and I was dead serious about wanting to end my life. I thought about it some more and decided to hold off. After that I was thinking about just telling another close friend and my mother about my sexual orientatation. I thought I had nothing to gain by outting myself any further than that. That was the plan any ways.

I told my close friend and was partly in denial still. I did some research and thought about it. As soon as I realized i was actually attracted to guys I went into shock and my shy personality turned on a dime. Here is an post that explains what happened with my state of mind:

Sudden Personality Change - PersonalityCafe

I pretty much went manic and had no fears so I came out to my family and a few close friends. At the time I had hit rock bottom and the only reason I came out was because I couldnt get any more distant from the people around me. The alternative was killing myself pretty much because I was so depressed about my life.
I came out to the people that I cared about which are my family and some close friends. Im still adjusting to the whole idea myself that Im not straight. September and October were rough. On the same note though accepting myself as not straight and coming out to the people that I love was a very liberating experience. Everybody that I have told has been 110% supportive.

At this point I dont care who knows or finds out now. Im not out at work yet though. Quite frankly its none of my coworkers business who I like to sleep with. I go to work to provide my services and get paid for them. Im not there to gossip and discuss my personal life. I like to keep my professional life and personal life separate. If somebody confronts me about my sexuality at work Im not going to deny it but Im certainly aint gonna bring up the subject and out myself for no reason at all. I have several coworkers as friends on Facebook. My profile says Im interested in guys. I post pro-gay links all the time on my wall. All they would have to do is take a quick peak at my profile if they had any suspicions. Nobody has said a word yet. I think they are to wrapped up in there own worlds. That's fine by me. Currently Im happy being at the stage Im at now.

[DarkDaisuke]

Wow... I'm sorry you've you had it so rough I never thought about suicide but I have had friends admit to me they thought about it. I'm glad things are better for you though; hard to believe I live like half an hour to hour away from you lol Anyways I enjoyed reading your story and still I hope youre getting along with being bi

[Nocturnal]

That's pretty rough, man. But I'm glad that you've got family and friends and people who're 110% supportive. I know what it's like to think that the people you know aren't going to be supportive of your choices in life. But it's those whom you trust the most and come out to who are going to be the most supportive.