18 Months and unsure?

[Mikebmth]

Hi guys, this may be out of context for most here....:confused:

I am a well adjusted bisexual guy in my early 30's who is in a basically gay relationship with a gay man who happens to be a transvestite and is on feminizing hormones as well.

We have been together for 18 months now but before I met him I was a very active both sexually and socially but since we have been together I have lost any sign of a social life completely as we live 75 miles apart but i work long hours for 8 days then i get 6 days off of work which i spend with my partner.

The main problem has become I met him when he was dressed and I fancy him as a girl, I still like him as a guy but there is a 18 year age difference inbetween us so as two guys his type of social life is basically none at all, never wants to socialise, wont meet my friends and constantly moans at me when I do go out with friends myself.

He says constantly that he loves me but I am really starting to suffer with depression from the lack of any social life and lack of sex as well as we have not been active in 2 months now and I have a large sex drive.

In the beginging everything was great and stayed that way until the last few months, he has been there for me through some really hard times for me in the last 18 months but I dont know if I can handle being a couch potatoe any longer, I feel loved but then we never have a cuddle together.

We sleep on each edge of the bed and never cuddle up or if I do I dont get any feedback and when we sit and watch a movie he will sit one end of the sofa and me the other unless I ask him to come and have a cuddle.

I am so fed up, depressed and seriously considering ending it all which seems a shame after 18 months together having great fun, sex and a new found group of friends I love when we actually go out and see them.

My partner has had problems like this before I have found out and his last partner was bi and cheated on him but I am faitfull so far and he actually tells me he doesnt mind if I have casual sex with others.

I am confused and really need your help...

[Mikebmth]

Just to add, we had a chat about things about 2 months ago funnily enough soon after the sex had stopped completely as my partner has had severe financial problems and been a little bit down recently.

I explained my feelings and got very little back apart from the normal "i love you" and if you dont feel things are right for you or as he put it if you dont fancy me anymore I will understand if you leave me...How fucked up is that???

We have done the chat, the honeymoon period is long gone and the sex is gone too. I feel so trapped, depressed because of the same old stay or leave question going round and round my head.

I really do not know what to do and to be completely honest my family know im bi but dont know I am in a gay relationship, they know him as the girl I met.

[marshlander]

Hi Mike, I believe you said your partner was older than you in previous messages? Have you considered couples counselling? Relate, for example, don't only deal with married, straight couples. Obviously you would both have to be willing to give it a go and there would probably be a waiting list, but if you want to salvage something from this it might be an option.

You seem to be carrying a lot of worry in this relationship and your partner is undergoing hormone therapy which alone is bound to cause all sorts of havoc. Clearly you cannot carry on like this. In my previous relationship I spent years sleeping on the edge of the bed and I can affirm that is absolutely no way to rest. Sure, after the pain of separation and all its baggage, splitting up might prove to be the easiest option, but it's not a viable solution if you don't really want that. It all sounds very claustrophobic at the moment.

Best wishes for finding the best way forward.