Not telling the truth

[I-heart-U]

One of my good friends at work has been telling quite a few lies about her life and it's all blown up in her face. She told a lot of people that she may be pregnant because she is very happily loved up with her boyfriend. She also said that she is looking to get married soon but I recently found out that her boyfriend moved out of her house. There were a few other things as well and everyone is giving her awful looks now. What troubles me is that I've kind of done the same thing, many times when friends have asked me if I had a girlfriend I've said that I just have meet any girls that have the qualities I'm looking for (like chest hair and a penis :biggrin.

The point I'm trying to make is do you think that when my friends and colleagues find out that I'm gay (some of them already suspect) they will give me odd looks? I have told lies about being straight every time I have been challenged by someone and sometimes I've tried to be quite vocal about it which has made me look like a complete fraud. Although to be honest I don't care what some of those people think because they should know that if I don't tell them that I'm gay it's probably because I don't want them to know. When people ask you if you're gay what do you say and how does it make you feel?

[princealbertofb]

The question is really, why do you lie? Are you afraid of facing the truth, or are you afraid that your friends won't be able to face it??? The answers lie deep inside. Do you like telling lies? Do you like living a lie?

[TuxSky]

Nowadays, when people straight out ask me if I'm gay I tell them the truth. Before, I used to lie and say no obviously.

[Ingz]

I've really never had that problem. I didn't hide it at all after I realized myself that I'm a lesbian.
But I do know quite a lot about "closets". They tend to be really clear about their opinions on gay people, although that's mostly when they're having an internal fight with themselves about being gay. They'll say that gay people are disgusting and so on, mostly to convince themselves that they can't be gay.
Also, if people lie about themselves, they tend to get very defensive and be overly clear about things.

As for your question about whether people will give you looks, it mostly depends on the people themselves. In my country it's not an issue, almost nobody cares. Actually, a guy I consider to be as a family to me, is a neo-natzi, and his best friend is gay. So yeah, Iceland is extremely gay-friendly. Gay-pride is also even bigger than the national day. About 60-80 thousand people attend the Gay-pride parade here, while about 40 thousand people attend the national day celebration. For a nation that only has about 320 thousand people, it's quite a lot. But I have no idea what it's like where you live, so I can't answer your question.

[SrChulo]

Hmm.. I wonder if you can really group closeted gay people with pathological liars. Both lie like it's their job, but is it for different reasons deep down?

I think it is, yes. Pathological liars (sounds like your female friend may be one) lie even when they know they will be caught in the future... it's an illness. They lie without considering the consequences. On the other hand, people in the closet lie because they feel they have to. And I don't think they (we) go out of their way to make up elaborate stories if they're not needed. People in the closet are hopefully just waiting for the right time to reveal the truth, but pathological liars see no end in sight to their stories.

I've known quite a few liars, it's really sad.

[marshlander]

... when friends have asked me if I had a girlfriend I've said that I just have meet any girls that have the qualities I'm looking for (like chest hair and a penis :biggrin.

That is hilarious :biggrin:

The point I'm trying to make is do you think that when my friends and colleagues find out that I'm gay (some of them already suspect) they will give me odd looks? I have told lies about being straight every time I have been challenged by someone and sometimes I've tried to be quite vocal about it which has made me look like a complete fraud. Although to be honest I don't care what some of those people think because they should know that if I don't tell them that I'm gay it's probably because I don't want them to know. When people ask you if you're gay what do you say and how does it make you feel?

Any odd looks you get are probably going to come from the lies you've told. It seems to me that to many people another person's orientation is no cause for concern and they have a problem working out why some of us need to lie in these times.

If someone asks me if I'm gay I'm generally pleased to own up and am delighted that they've noticed. However, most people don't need to ask. After a few minutes conversation it is usually blatantly obvious

[Sil]

Depending on the person it normally makes me a little uncomfortable at first, because I don't know how they're going to react to it, or what their real feelings about it are. I've had people ask me in a really kinda upfront way that has been a bit scary, as opposed to someone enquiring kinda carefully; it's very much a circumstantial thing for me.

I'm ashamed to say I've been fake-straight at work a few times now because of the jobs I've done, and I never felt proud of myself for it but I felt I would have problems otherwise, been gossiped about. But then last time I was out at a club with friends I was getting some attention from girls we were with and I just told them straight up while my mates were there; they were surprised but it wasn't a big deal. I think I'm oneof these straight acting gay guys *sighs* ah well...

[I-heart-U]

I personally think that if people come right out and ask something so personal in such a blunt way they deserve to be lied to. The very first person I ever came out to (one of my very good friends who I really trust) was someone at work, every time we went out she tried to set me up with girls, I would always ask that she doesn't do that but she thought she was helping. One night we were out and having a few drink, she noticed a few girls and asked me which one I liked, it seemed that she was about to go over and introduce me to them. I said no and she leaned over and in my ear whispered "why don't you want me to do that?" and I said "why do you think?" she said I have a feeling but I could be wrong, and then very quietly she asked if I was "you know" she actually used those worlds and I said yes. That was fine for me because it was very delicately handled and we became even closer friends because of it.

While at the same job when another friend was leaving on his last day he asked me if I was gay but because of the way that he asked I didn't feel comfortable to tell him and boy did I make a fool of myself. You know what they say, he who protests too much, well I did that and I really regret it. Having said that, now that I'm looking for a permanent job for after University I always answer Gay to the sexual orientation question.

[marshlander]

... now that I'm looking for a permanent job for after University I always answer Gay to the sexual orientation question.

They ask that on application forms? What business is it of a potential employer?

[Ultra]

I tell them that I'm gay and I feel confident when I say I'm gay. That's what I am and I'm not going to lie to someone that I'm straight. Not even my parents (sadly they believe I'm straight, because of straight porno my mom found one day...).

You know what I find amazing? My brother's co-worker has real good gaydar, apparently. One of my friends is friends with this guy via Facebook. This guy told my friend that I'm gay and he never even talked to me before. I go this guy's line to pay for my groceries and I know he's gay by the way he looks, acts and even talks. He's quite flamboyant. You can even see him wearing a gay pride bracelet or something.

So if he were to ask me if I'm gay... I would definitely say yes and he would be right. Plus I will do with confidence, because I know he's gay himself.