12-21-2010, 12:46 PM
I don't know how much of this is me needing to get this off my chest and how much is whatever else, but I'm saying it regardless.
There are quite a few guys who have taken an interest in me over the past six months or so, a few being three to six guys. Most of them live a fair distance from me, some even out of state. I don't put any stock in long-distance relationships (been in a few, silly really), so it isn't too big a deal. One guy does live one town over from me and we've hung out quite a bit. The past few weeks I've noticed I like him a little, just enough to say I do and not anything too serious. Problem is, I'm not sure if I want to be romantically involved, for several reasons.
Mainly, I don't see myself as a good, decent person like I used to be. The last two or three years I've slept around a lot (luckily haven't gotten anything worse than Gonorrhea) and dabbled with drugs (including Meth and Cocaine). I've pretty much stopped doing all of that, but I still don't like who I've become. At times I can be needlessly rude and I take advantage of people's kindness (especially if money is involved). I am trying to change, to be a better person. I don't want to use my friend (the one who I've taken an interest in) any more than I have, and I'd like to be good for him. He's a sweetheart and deserves better than me.
I don't know what to do.
There are quite a few guys who have taken an interest in me over the past six months or so, a few being three to six guys. Most of them live a fair distance from me, some even out of state. I don't put any stock in long-distance relationships (been in a few, silly really), so it isn't too big a deal. One guy does live one town over from me and we've hung out quite a bit. The past few weeks I've noticed I like him a little, just enough to say I do and not anything too serious. Problem is, I'm not sure if I want to be romantically involved, for several reasons.
Mainly, I don't see myself as a good, decent person like I used to be. The last two or three years I've slept around a lot (luckily haven't gotten anything worse than Gonorrhea) and dabbled with drugs (including Meth and Cocaine). I've pretty much stopped doing all of that, but I still don't like who I've become. At times I can be needlessly rude and I take advantage of people's kindness (especially if money is involved). I am trying to change, to be a better person. I don't want to use my friend (the one who I've taken an interest in) any more than I have, and I'd like to be good for him. He's a sweetheart and deserves better than me.
I don't know what to do.