is he?

[FieryJoker!!!]

Hi Every1, just abit of advice please. I recently started working in a new building and went for drinks after work with my new team. At the end of the night it was just me and one other lad. We swapped numbers and we chatted for hours on end and eventually shared a kiss. the next day we texted and went out for drinks and after of month of dating and kissing, we took things to the nxt level.

The next day in work he was oddly different with me, and then at the end of the day told me that he was not gay and it was all a mistake. During our time together he told me all his secrets and often confessed his love.

Now I can understand people being scared and not ready for a relationship so I decided to listen to him and stopped texting back.

Now he has started texting me again trying to get back together, I am really torn on what to do. there are some options on what I think

1) he is too far in closet and scared to admit it.
2) he is after a quick shag

I dont know what to do, bit of advice please.

[East]

He could be afraid of sexual intimacy and didn't know it until you were at the next level. I cant' say this with any certainty but it is the first thing that came to mind.

I have seen people who were in love with the idea of love and romance but when it came down to sex they turn cold.

[FieryJoker!!!]

Yeah I understand, I've never heard of anything like that before. What would you do in the situation? Do you text reply and try and get things back on track or leave him be. I don't want to be used either, so thats running through my mind

[East]

What complicates this situation is that you both work at the same place...are either one of you a superior to the other?

[juk]

My guess - he isn't out and either fears being outted thru a relationship with you, or just doesnt have things clear in his own mind.

Now he is trying to connect with you again, its a good idea to get the question answered early on - talk to him, find out what the problem was and from there you can decide if there is a future worth considering.

[fredv3b]

Just wanted to add to what has already been said. You two had a month of dating before taking things further so I doubt he just wants a quick shag.

[marshlander]

If you talk to him you might just remind him that regular dating and sharing physical intimacy often brings deeper feelings into play. He's messing with you if he thinks he can pick you up and drop you to satisfy his curiosity and work through whatever issues he has. Can you keep a dignified distance until he sorts himself out?

[FieryJoker!!!]

East: No we are on the same level in work. It does make it akward at the moment because I do have to see him everyday. I mean I say hello and chat because I dont want to appear dramatic by blanking him

Juk: Yeah I think thats what I am going to have to do, how would you approach it, would you just come out with it or ease it at the end of the night.

fredvb3: Thanks, I was worried about it you know. Because I dont want a reputation.

[FieryJoker!!!]

Hi Marshlander, I just feel that I have waited around long enough in the past. Me an my ex split because we were ready to come out together. Now I'm in a better position and I dont want to step back in the closet with him if he isnt serious. I'm sick of games. I am willing to keep us a hush hush until hes ready to tell his parents. but i dont want to be on off on off during this time. IS that really selfish?

[marshlander]

No it is not selfish. I call it self-preservation. You do what you have to do. He's the one messing you about.