Bf still hangs out with his Ex

[Crisit21]

Sometimes I think being bi must be the worst of all possible worlds.

U have no ideea how true u are

[matty7]

he sounds like he's insecure, maybe fears losing you if he doesnt measure up to previous partners, like looking for reasons why things could fail between you both when there's non actualy there - talking to his ex maybe is a bit of a safe haven,,,someone who did care for him in the past - just an idea thats all !

[Vigilias]

It's not beyond the realms of probability that they're just hanging out with each other, nothing more but personally, I would be cautious.

The fact that you are posting here about this says that you don't trust your guy with his ex but why is that and ultimately, do you want to be with someone you can't trust?

Lets look at the why. Are you naturally insecure in relationships? Do you get jealous easily and is this a new relationship you're in? Analyse your feelings as only you can then take the following steps.

Install keylogger software on his PC I personally recommend the following: Ultimate Keylogger Website
it's easy to install, understand and use as well as being invisible to anyone without the password (But only for the trial period of about 5 days after which a strange looking icon will appear on the desk top and sys tray!)

You can set it to monitor ALL or just specific activity on the computer from keystrokes, chat rooms, emails, passwords (Tres usefull! for cheating boyfriends) from screen shots every 1 second to every 999 hours. You can even set it up to send you emails of the reports so you don't have to bother logging in. Just remember to either un install after the free trial period or buy a licence key.

The downside is that this programme is classed as Spyware and will be picked up by any decent internet security software package unless you tell it to ignore the keylogger. Another problem is that it tends to struggle with large files (Say you don't download the report for a day) and this caused my computer to slow down and crash. So fair warning!

THAT is what I would do but this isn't about me!

Before he was Ex-ecuted (Play on words, I assure you!) or "Exed", my boyfriend invited a friend of his from University, a friend whom he'd had a fling with, to stay over and go out with us... or so I assumed.

I got home early to give the place a final once over and do us all a meal to make him feel welcome. I was THAT secure in my relationship! Boyf and his ex were a fling from a good year or so ago, why should I be threatened!?

When I saw him I was elated! Elated? Yeah! He was not that tall, overweight, clearly thought that Gym was guys name and struck me as a little socially awkward. I was/am tall, have always looked after my self and I got the blond gene! He was Nooooooooooooo competition!

Then boyf completely disregarded the fact that I had cooked and said they had to get ready now and go out. I was a little pissed but went to get ready myself. Boyf looked at me oddly and asked what I was doing. I said I was getting changed to go out. BOMB SHELL...

He lowered his voice and said that he thought he would just go out with his ex and I would stay in! (Oh you did, did you!) That's the way it ended up anyway because he asked his ex if he minded if >I< went out with them and his bloody ex had the temerity to OBJECT and VETO my going out with MY boyfriend! So I stayed in.

I considered making a wax doll of the pair of them to stick pins in to but I would have needed to put a hell of a lot of bees on overtime to produce enough wax to make a model of that lardy minger!

They both came in in the early hours and woke me up (I wasn't going to wait up!) boyfriend at least had the good sense to bring a bucket to bed with him to vomit in after pickling himself in God knows what! He actually left the bucket of Vomit in the bedroom for me to move, someone had to or it would have smelled!

The next day, boyfriend cocks off to school [Relax, he was the teacher!] leaving me with Lardy Minger. I made coffee, as I didn't usually have to leave so early or in such a rush, but Lardy Minger kicked his cup over on the white rug! and just stared at it!!! "I'll get a cloth and a bowl of cold water shall I???" (A previous ex had a dad who had his own business fitting carpets and floors etc so I picked up a few handy hints on carpet care!). I was glad when Lardy Minger had gone.

Cut forward six months or so and our relationship was dying and on its last legs. Boyfriend tells me he's decided to go and see Lardy Minger for a few days..."But don't worry, I'm not going for a dirty weekend!"

Not bloody much he wasn't, I got to the flat before he did and checked his overnight bag. He'd included condoms. I counted them and put a discreet mark on the wrapper. That way I could locate the ones he had returned to the rest in the drawer and tell how many had been used. Non had been used but that only meant non of his. I'm sure Lardy Minger must have had condoms, he'd have got them free from the manufacturer, after all he was a walking advertisement for birth control. Bitch, moi!

I'm sorry that I can't give you the reassurance you so badly need but you either trust him or you don't.

Good luck!

[goodboy15]

he sounds like he's insecure, maybe fears losing you if he doesnt measure up to previous partners, like looking for reasons why things could fail between you both when there's non actualy there - talking to his ex maybe is a bit of a safe haven,,,someone who did care for him in the past - just an idea thats all !

He is very insecure. He would always ask me where did I go, do, who did I encounter with..etc..etc. He admitted he has trust issues. And it's affecting our relationship. You are right, he always looks for reasons why things could fail between us two when there's actually none!

Another day, another problem. I will tell the story even though it is embarrassing to share. By the way, we both live separately and we don't have our own private place to do things, you know what I mean. Last night, we went to a park and we did our thing, yet for some reasons, I couldn't come...you know.. so to make it short, when we got home, he texted me, "I love you but I'm not happy as we used to be...We don't have the spark anymore.." I asked him, why is that? and he said, "I don't think I'm your type physically, I couldn't make you hard." Of course that is not true. I am so attracted to him, I always tell him how cute he is and besides, I don't care what he looks like. I love him just the way he is. We did things before and everything was fine. I'm hard when I'm with him. It makes me sad because he concludes things again.. He thinks I'm not into him and I only treat him as a friend. He doesn't believe me. It's like if I say something positive, he won't believe me. He is so that insecure.

I asked him, what do you want now since you're not happy with me anymore? He said, "I still wanna stay together, I'm just upset 'coz I can't make you hard..."

I do not know what to do now. I feel like he judged me because of that incident.. Does he base our relationship because of that?? When will he grow up and act mature? I feel like I'm tired of explaining when I don't have to do any explanation...

[marshlander]

@ GB15 - it sounds like he just doesn't know you very well. Pity.

@ Vig - have you considered publishing? So many great tales over the years By the way, is bitchcat still around?

[Vigilias]

LOL Marshy, Publish!

Who the hell would believe THIS crazy stuff!

Seriously, maybe it's the way I tell my stories or maybe because they're so intense or a combination of the two, but really it's little wonder that some people think I'm making this stuff up, but really I'm not.

Bitch-Cat my stealthy feline Ninja is downstairs. I'm a little busy to let her up here with me as I can't watch what she's doing. I think it's an artefact of being abused as a kitten that she will find some freshly ironed laundry and pee on it!

I think I'm becoming a bit cynical in my old age but a lot of the stuff I see on this site seems headed in only one direction. It strikes me that many of the people who post already know the answer to their questions but want some final reassurance that everything will be okay.

Sadly, life isn't like that.