in a relationship on the scene

[Anonymous]

ok so ive been with my fella for 4 years nearly.
i always wanted to try gay clubs because they are ment to be better from what ive heard about them.
the problem is.... when i mention it i get told by my fella he will leave me if i go to a gay club. even if i ask him to come too he just says no. i love him alot so ive not been to any because i dont want to ruin things with him.
obviously he thinks im going see someone else if i go to a gay bar. i try explain that im bisexual and could also start seeing someone i met in a straight club. i havent done that so he should trust me not to do it anywhere else.
is this common and do you think im letting him controll me?
its at the point now where im not allowed to see any gay friends unless he is with me. i cant go alone because he threatens to leave me if i do that too.
he worries that il meet other gay people when im at my friends houses. but ive never cheated on him and never would.
i dont restrict his life at all... for example:
this weekend he has gone away with 4 of his friends and left me at home lol.
i didnt moan about it once.
last night i tried to ring him and he wouldnt answer! he txt instead saying he will talk tommorow.
maybe he is cheating and thats why he is so paranoid about me doing it.
help please

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Start doing to him what he does to you, dude. Be paranoid and overly-protective. Or, becayse your relationship right now might be a little fragile, just talk to him again and ask him why he doesn't trust you. Ask him when have you given him a reason not to trust you. If he gets all defensive or angry again, maybe you should think about reestablshng the rules in your relationship...

[jamiebfd]

Start doing to him what he does to you, dude. Be paranoid and overly-protective. Or, becayse your relationship right now might be a little fragile, just talk to him again and ask him why he doesn't trust you. Ask him when have you given him a reason not to trust you. If he gets all defensive or angry again, maybe you should think about reestablshng the rules in your relationship...

i have lied to him in the past but only minor things.
never cheated though.
i think i might try the same approach as him but i dont want it to backfire on me.
if i say things like him and tell him im going to leave him if he does something.... what if he still does it. i dont want to leave him and i dont think i would.
i guess i could leave him for a little while just to prove my point but that could backfire too and he might not have me back if i leave him lol

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Exactly, it could all turn against you. BUT.. if he is reasy to leave you for something this small.. :? You don't have to leave him. But be sure to remind him that you have always been faithful, and that maybe you as well need your time alone like he does. If he turns defensive and stuff, just...maybe something's wrong and he is not worth it anymore...I know it may be hard and all, but if he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, with respect and love...

[East]

maybe he is cheating and thats why he is so paranoid about me doing it.

Wise observation!

[East]

Hey! I really wanted to elaborate earlier but I hit the wrong key and lost it all so I will try again. I offer you this advice because.....

1) It is what I do myself and it has worked out splendidly
2) As far as society in general has gone...when you do what you always do...you get what you have always gotten.

Everyone promises to be faithful and when they promise they most likely mean every word they are saying and believe it...it is part of our marriage vows and a staple in our fictional ideas of romance and image of love...but I say it is a promise that should never be made and a promise you have no way of knowing if you can keep...so why make it? I have never promised fidelity to anyone and I refuse to let anyone promise fidelity to me...I promise to be honest instead because it is a promise I can keep.

One thing you can count on...and this is a promise:biggrin: Everything can and WILL change...your body your mind, your taste buds...and why would you keep your hands on the wheel with white knuckles going straight when the road turns left? Because you said you would drive straight? Straight into the side of a mountain?:biggrin:

This guy sounds very controlling and when you have a very controlling person it will only get worse...so announce to him that you have decided that you have no way of knowing what will happen in the future and watch them fall apart and that is a good thing. If they say what might happen...agree with them. They will either fall apart or get over it and become a much better person and lover and either way you will be doing them a favor because you are telling them the truth...how they deal with it is not your problem really. You will also free your own mind and have a better life.

I worked in a gay nightclub for 20 years...it was alot of fun...would do it all over again. You Are 21 and want to go out and socialize...i think that is healthy and I think when you are 21 you should BE 21 and enjoy it.

[Ryan De Soto]

Dude is a control freak. Insecure and paranoid, and selfish if it's "ok" for him to go off for a weekend with four of his friends but flips out when you want to hang with your friends.

Things to think on. Things to consider.

[Nocturnal]

I say give him a taste of his own medicine.

[Chippy Chop]

To thine own self be true.

Don't worry about what he does. Do for you what you think is best for you. Be your own person. Don't try to control or be controlled. I believe that the best love you can give is only possible when you love yourself and are true to yourself first.

This I learned from many mistakes and trying to do things the wrong way. Best of luck, my friend. :biggrin:

[marshlander]

Do you have to be complicit in his jealous games?