Too afraid

[GreenJett]

I am so confused right now. I've been struggling with myself for over ten years now and I'm just sick of lying and putting on a show. I know I'm a gay man but I find it so hard to say, let alone tell anyone. A few days ago I took a big step and told one of my friends. But it wasn't too challenging. This friend is a woman, I've known her for years, I already knew she supported LGBT rights and for god's sake she cuts my hair.

What I'm asking for is support and well wishes, I guess. I need to learn to accept myself and be honest with others. I just find it so hard because I live in a politically conservative bible belt state and my whole family is very religious and I too have religious beliefs. So to the gay men out there...what did you do? How did get past being afraid and feeling bad over who you are? Or am I really the only one in denial out there?

[fredv3b]

Welcome to GS

So to the gay men out there...what did you do? How did get past being afraid and feeling bad over who you are? Or am I really the only one in denial out there?

You are certainly NOT the only one in denial. How did I get over feeling bad about being gay? After a while I stopped to think about what actually was wrong with being gay, who is actually harmed by it, I didn't have an answer? I also realised how common flaws are in heterosexual relationships. How did I stop being afraid, it was more complicated but basically, I just got fed up of being in the closet.

[fenris]

Hi and Welcome mile:


It seems that you are on a good way ....

Yes .. I think too that you have to learn to accept yourself ... but... you have to learn a lot about yourself too.... Who you are, What you want, what you can do...and so on ... Its not easy ... but its is very important. Another thing is to learn to love yourself ... that you are you and that it is right to be gay...
Its not important to have a full coming out at this time.... you should try to find friends wich know who you are..... and don´t rush... it needs a lot of time to change learned behavior which are not applicable to you ....

[East]

How did get past being afraid and feeling bad over who you are?

Question your religion and be specific...what part of your religion makes you feel bad about yourself? As you cite religion as a contributing factor with family members and yourself it would help to break it down.

[The Virgin]

hi and welcome. hope you'll enjoy it here.. have fun!!!

a piece of advise, don't worry about what others think of you. what's important is that you know who you are and that's all that matters.

[mattm816]

GreenJett,
I'm in the absolute same position you're in. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not, and I don't think it's right that we should HAVE to pretend. I'm thinking what's going to make this easier on me (and maybe you too) is if I come out to just one friend who I KNOW will accept it and me. I think that will make it easier and more natural to come out to others. Also, I can always go back to that friend for advice on it. Just my two cents.
Whatever you do, GOOD LUCK!! We're all here for you!

[The Virgin]

Just pray hard and think positive, i'm sure everything will turn out well.

[borrein]

I personally wouldn't come out if you rely on your parents currently. If you're out and about on your own already and able to support yourself financially and whatnot, then it would be alright to tell them.

2 The Ranting Gryphon did a good rant on parents, you should listen to it. Get a laugh and probably gets some motivation too.

[The Virgin]

and besides, you don't need to tell everyone about your sexuality, right?

[borrein]

I agree with Virgin here. Not everyone needs to know your sexuality. Sure it's nice coming out and being accepted, but it's harsh when you're rejected. You might not want to tell them. My ex has never told his parents and he's in his 50''s now. They haven't the slightest clue he's gay and he lives a very happy and fulfilling life.