Princealbertofb, yes, I've experienced gay sex many times and might I say I'm lucky to have had a couple serious hotties!! She also has had some girl on girl experiences, which is part of the reason I think she accepts me. We are sort of male/female counterparts as far as sexuallity. I have done threesomes in the past with a girl and another guy. I live in the south, so people in this area are very closed minded, so finding a third partner would be harder than you think. As far as wife/husband swapping, that may be a good idea and something to discuss with her. I'm going to keep these things in mind, and I love that all of you on here are giving me advice, being I don't have any outside parties to discuss this with!
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Oh, and the dildo is a vibrating one that is actually her's that I use sometimes when I masturbate and look at guys on line. We don't use it during sex really, kind of difficult to menuever during the act!
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marshlander, yes it's diffucult. I truely enjoy both men and women. The monogomy thing is still very important to me, this is what makes it even more difficult. Also why I'm on here asking other people's advice how I can make this work! If I was with a guy all the time, I'd be fantasizing about women all the time! I guess I'm just a freaky guy, can't hel how I was born. I've been this way since I was old enough to have sexual feelings. When I was a kid I fantasized about the other boys and girls in school!
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SammyG1234 Wrote:Thank you very much East! One remedy to the situation I thought of would be suggesting bringing another guy into our relationship that we could share! I could have an outlet for my desire to be with a man and it wouldn't be cheating! The tough part would be finding a guy who we're both attracted to that was willing to be in a relationship like that. I'm sure there's someone out there, but it feels like it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. I'm also afraid it could tear our relationship apart, if he and her decided to break away or vice versa. I guess like you said probably the best thing would be to not change a thing. There's always plenty to fantasize about on the internet and the trusty old dildo!! My relationship is worth more to me than a little skin!
You have a great opportunity my friend...as you are honest with your gf maybe suggest a threesome with another guy or another girl or both:biggrin:...it might turn her on watching and participating...VERY COMMON and alot of websites are dedicated to these threesomes specifically.
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i've never imagined myself as bi (and i don't regard myself as one) cause the thought of having sex with a woman grosses me to the fullest. i'm just find with men. if someone asked me "why are you gay"? i usually respond by saying, "cause i like birds better than flowers".
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East Wrote:In my opinion honesty is the number one ingredient to any relationship...with other people and with yourself...and you have the honesty factor covered very nicely so with that out of the way..
I think what you have right now is perfect...It works for you...eh? Don't worry about anyone else's "norms"......sounds like you are enjoying your relationship and your life? You are 1001% ahead of the game if you are so my advice would be....don't change a thing :biggrin:
Agreed honesty and trust is the main ingredients in every relationship. :tongue:
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My best friend was in a relationship with a girl for seven years until he met this guy, who he found himself enormously attracted to. So he came out to his girl friend and, after a heartbreaking conversation, they broke up. I told them this was perhaps best for them. But, guess what, after just a few weeks, my friend decided to go back to the girl. He could simply not abandon that relationship they had had for so long -- she had become an indispensable part of his life. And the girl felt the same way. Now, they are married.
I guess what I learned from this is that what's most important for a relationship is the emotional bond between you, it is more important than what you are sexually attracted to. If you are lucky enough (or unlucky enough), one day you'll meet a guy not only physically attracted to you but also spiritually, then you may have your final fantasy fulfilled. But until then, I would say there is nothing inappropriate to be the way you are.
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Stay with the girl if you love her. Love is hard to come by, and you're lucky if you have it. If you dont' love her, then tell her your feelings, and you may need to break it off, before you both get in too deep.
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There are a few possibilities here you should consider discussing with your girlfriend. If you two are as honest as you say, you should at LEAST let her know how you feel about this in as much honesty as you think wise, and then see where you two feel comfortable taking it from there.
Firstly, there's the possibility of staying in your current relationship and simply being partly satisfied sexually while remaining fully satisfied emotionally. This is apparently your arrangement thus far and while it can be frustrating at times, it is a very admirable decision primarily for the restraint and discipline required. The key is to really think it through and to decide whether or not you can see doing this the rest of your relationship (possibly the rest of your life if you two get hitched).
Secondly, there's the possibility of either Swinging. Swingers generally are couples that swap spouses for sexual encounters only, and are notoriously hard to find when you're looking for bisexual encounters. Generally swingers go as a couple, met another couple, and have a sexual encounter with them (whether or not they all get to know each other first or not, and how much they get to know each other, and whether or not they ever care to see that particular couple again is a matter of preference of the couples involved).
The third is an open relationship. This is the easiest route in some ways and the hardest in others. In an open relationship, ground-rules are set down by the couple in question for one or both of them to engage in sexual encounters outside the relationship with the knowing consent of both partners. Common ground rules can include: having a fuck-buddy o two on the side that you trust, only engaging in safe sexual activities outside the relationship (condom use, avoiding certain sexual activities with a higher risk of STD transference, etc), asking your partner's permission before going off on a sexual encounter and possibly describing the person involved, etc. Now, these rules are not hard and fast, and are very dependent on the level of trust in your relationship. This route is possibly the hardest simply because the level of trust and maintaining continuous open communication does make it a hard lifestyle in the long run, requiring a relatively large amount of discipline and two very dedicated partners. IT is not easy to keep an open relationship together. However, it is also the easiest in some ways because of the simplicity of the solutions. There's no need to find someone you both get along with, no need to find another couple composed of bisexuals, and sexual encounters are generally taken on with no need or desire for emotional intimacy, since you're already fulfilling that need with your partner. Some VERY trust-bonded open couples have such simple rules as "have whatever sexual encounters you want, with whomever you like, just only have safe sex and when you get home be sure to have enough left over to satisfy me." For most the ground rules are more comprehensive. Only the couple can decide what's right for them.
The last option is a polyamorous relationship, sometimes known as a three-or-more relationship, and is not impossible to find, but it takes time and patience. You and she would have to check out polyamorous networking sites and ads and groups (there's a lot of websites for things like this. I recommend meetup.com to at leas get your toes wet. Others on this site can probably also recommend other places to look.) or just enter the dating scene (whether through advertising yourself as a couple looking for one more partner on dating websites or just by club-hopping and seeing who you meet.) If you and your girlfriend are open to this possibility, and more importantly are not either the jealous type or the possessive type (either one of you), then this is probably the best long-term solution. Just be aware that adding a third person can drastically change the dynamics of a relationship, sometimes to the point where you're not certain how to handle it at times. I'd recommend you both read up on it, (order a few books on Barnes&Noble or amazon about polyamory and polyfidelity, polyfidelity being the variation of polyamory that specifies a closed, close-kinit relationship more often resembling a marriage or three-way engagement in the level of intimacy and interaction. Polyfidelic relationships often feel far less like young people having fun and far more like a close-knit family that just happens to not have kids yet) and take your time, especially when getting to know someone and considering letting them in. This should be a slow and steady process, and one where you and your partner and the possible third partner all communicate as openly as possible and really listen to each others concerns and needs.
I don't know what else to suggest you two consider. There are probably other solutions out there, though I am not personally aware of them.
Oh, and just for the record, while there are examples of failures from all four categories mentioned above, there are also plenty of lifelong success stories attributed to each of these forms of romantic relations, and some romantic partners have even gone so far to say that such methods saved their relationships, marriages, or in some rare cases even families.
Just something to consider....
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Just keep in mind that love should always be the basis, not lust.
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What to do?
