Your Opinion with hanging out with your Ex

[wclark03]

me and my ex were friends after we broke up. we would always hangout. It just sometimes would be a problem to hang out alone when he had a bf. Seriously, I don't know how he isn't trusted.

[The Virgin]

do you have plans of getting back together? i mean, as far as you're concern?

[invis85]

do you have plans of getting back together? i mean, as far as you're concern?

I still like him a lot. But I know we won't work getting back together because the reasons we broke up are still there.

[Ultra]

I would never ever hang out with my ex, unless he really really changed. We're sadly polar opposites now and it would not work out at all. He has changed so much, I doubt I'd ever be his friend now. He would need to change, apologize and be ultra honest again.

[Beaux]

I am of the cut-all-ties variety. I dont hold hard feelings towards my exs however it is over and I move on.

[jbrowder24]

I'm someone that if I come to care about them, I'm still always going to care about them. I don't have much experience here but one situation was long distance so the hanging thing isn't much a factor but I know it was hard for me to get over him and looking back, I probably should have cut off at least temporarily so I could have moved on sooner. However, now that time has passed, we are able to chat fine as friends... it's just an occasional IM due to the distance... but I think we could hang no problems. I don't think I could ever cut someone off unless it was something like a guy that became abusive ... I hurt deeply but I also can be quite forgiving, but some things are pretty unforgivable.

[colinmackay]

Everyone is different, every relationship is different. If you feel comfortable hanging out with your ex then that's great. If you don't then don't do it.

My fiancé is still very good friends with his ex. I'm very good friends with my fiancé's ex and I count him as one of my best friends.

From what I've seen may gay relationships that go from BF to just friends work out very well. In fact, it occurs to me that not being able to be friends with an ex is a heteronormative affectation. What I mean by that is that I've seen relationships between gay men last on many more levels than relationships between heterosexual people. I don't see many straight people carry on as friends after a romantic relationship has died. They usually go their separate ways and never the twain shall meet. However, I'm also not saying that it will always be possible for a BF to become just a friend if that level stops working, just that there seems to be a higher probability than if it were a straight relationship.

Does that make sense?

[blackstar]

well, sometimes, ex lovers can be very oppurtunistic.... coming back at you and then after they're bored, they're gonna approach you again, and then break up with you again, until the cycle never ends.

That premise is odd for me...do you not have any part in the process? The cycle can only happen with both people's full participation. I need to be friends with my lovers and I need to respect them as people or we would have never had a relationship to begin with...I need to "like" someone before I can love them..these things dont' change because we are not lovers anymore.

i would agree with this. i just need a cooling off period. i always try to remain friends. my last relationship - we broke up because of life and circumstances not because we did not love eachother. she is with somebody else and i am happy for her. we are still in touch. she keeps asking to meet up but i don't think its a good idea.

[BobInTampa]

I guess it depends on how you define "hanging out." If you happen to see each other at clubs or gay events - there's not much you can really do or say about it.

However, if you're setting up dates, times and places to hang out that's a different thing.

Bottom line, the more you hang out with him socially the less likely it will be for you to be able to truely move on. Not to mention what will happen when HE finds a new boyfriend and he either wants you to hang out with he and his new beau, or he completely cuts you out - either way you'll get hurt.

Does this mean you have to make a big deal about it? Nope, just start turning down his invites. Eventually he'll get the message. If he's dense, just tell him, "While i really enjoy hanging out with you from time to time, I need to take care of ME and really get on with my life."

Oh, one more thing - how likely are you to be able to meet new guys (or maybe THE guy) if you're socializing with your ex? Also, i'm sure your friends are seeing mixed signals too. Just drift away and get back in the game of life!

PS: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX!

[Bookworm]

If both parties are over any issues relating to the break up then they could remain friends, if they wanted too. It all boils down to the people involved in the end and what works for them; may not be ideal for some but be fine for others.
There are no set rules, it all comes down to each individual set of circumstances.