Help, please...I'm in love and think my boyfriend could be bisexual or gay.

[Fefegold]

I really wanted to say thank you to everyone who took the time to give their advice and feedback!!! This issue is still weighing on me a little bit, but your support is certainly helping a lot. I agree with Fenris--that my biggest fear of the moment is that my boyfriend will desire sex with a man again. Especially, since I now know that he gets extreme pleasure from anal stimulation and objects being placed in his anus. I wasn't aware of that because it's something we have never done in our sex life together. But, I cant imagine that repressing these desires would do anything but make them stronger, right, and how do I fit in with this desire of his? To answer the question from The Virgin, yes, I still love my boyfriend despite this revelation. What Im trying to do is fall back on that Love, and what I know about my man, to help wrap my mind around this and hopefully move on with him. I'm being honest when I admit that I'm scared of the "unknown", but all relationships have uncertainty around some type of issue, right? At this moment, I know that my own Mind is my worst enemy and the imaginary scenes of "that night" I've been playing in my head...I know that's stupid, but cant help it. However, you are all correct about the honesty and trust aspect in my relationship, so I cant ignore how important that is. So, I'm taking your advice and will talk about my concerns with him and see what he says. Thanks again for the encouragement everyone...going to try to work this out!!!

[dubed]

My thoughts on the issue at hand, fefegold, are that you've got a keeper on your hands. Just based off the sole fact that he had the courage to openly admit something like that to you (which isn't easy for a man), makes me think that he's hiding nothing from you and has no intention of doing so in the future. From what it seems, his level of love for you far surpasses any deep-down desires you believe he may be repressing and I'm sure he has no desire to cheat on you with a man or a woman. I'll be honest though... just the sheer fact that he gets enjoyment out of anal stimulation doesn't necessarily mean that he desires to be with a man. I'll have you know that there are countless straight men who happen to enjoy such anal stimulation and oftentimes their partners may incorporate it into their sex lives to spice things up a little. I believe that if he was as bicurious or bisexual as you suspect, then he would have simply experimented with a man, rather than a transvestite. Not meaning to defend his actions, but I can't tell you how many people (men and women alike) have dabbled in affairs beyond the normal heterosexual scope while young merely for curiosity's sake. Later on down the road, they often lead happy, open heterosexual lives. I'm not sure if anal stimulation goes beyond the sexual bounds with which you're willing to experiment, but my best advice I guess would be to try to put all of your apprehensions aside, for they should be assuaged by the open, refreshing relationship you have with him. You'd be hard-pressed to find another man who even comes close to the way you described him, which is why I said he's a keeper. I'm sure things will work out for the better with you guys. Best of luck!

[Fefegold]

Dubed, really appreciate your insight and I admit that makes a lot of sense. I certainly would not have thought of such great points if left to my own "over thinking" on this issue. You're absolutely right and I do feel like things will work out fine! Just had to face my own fears and misconceptions around an issue I had no experience with, other than societal biases. But, what I've realized through this experience is that I do truly love my man! I'm willing to trust him, accept his past and be open-minded about his sexual desires. So glad I found this website and all of you...

[fenris]

I think it is important for you both to talk about feelings and fears.... for you against mistrustful feelings and for him that he can see what you are feeling.
To talk about sexuality in a relationship is very important, too. I know from my female friends that they often don´t think that male-sexuality can be so versatile :biggrin:

[The Virgin]

i wish you the best my friend.. tell us soon of any updates ok? we'll be glad to hear it and see what other advises we can offer....