Love is a b!tch

[I-heart-U]

I was in the lab today with this so-called friend of mine and he said that he was going to watch the football in a little while. I asked who was playing because I didn't know. He said that it was the biggest game of the season, but I wouldn't know anything about that because I'm gay. I jokingly told him to shut up but he went on to ask why gay people don't like sports, I haven't come out to this guy before but he knows I'm gay.

This made me feel very uncomfortable and he could see this but he went on to ask me why I am gay, like it's something I just decided to do as a fashion choice. I obviously tried to pretend like I was working but he didn't like being ignored. He asked me if i knew what gay was and I said that I did and then he said "I bet you do". When he left he called me gay boy jokingly but at that time there were 2 other friends in the room who heard everything. They didn't talk to me, instead they chose to sit at the end of the room and quietly lough at me like I'm a freak for being gay.

I was deeply distressed and started panicking because he had left the room and I was there with 8 men who had heard my so-called friend make various homophobic remarks. He came back briefly after the game but by that time I wasn't even looking at him. I was so upset and trying to hold back the tears as I blindly stared at my computer screen. He realised that I was very upset and tried to make jokes but it was too late, he left after a few minutes and I didn't hear from him after that.

I went to my room after a few minutes and couldn't stop crying, not because the attack was vicious but because I love this man. He's the first person I think of in the morning and the last person I think of when I go to bed. I wish I could fall in love with someone else so that I could forget him but I just can't, He's my first love and I always hoped and prayed that we could get together one day.

(Thank you to toomuch45 for spending over an hour trying to make me feel better. I really appreciate it.)

[simon]

it could be his way of saying "keep away,I'm not gay" he probably has picked up how you feel about him,you either need to get used to those comments or don't go back for more,either tell him to stop or next time ask him why is he so interested about gay people,don't expect him to realise you are hurt, so that he will stop,get mad,it doesn't mean you still can't wish but just realise no matter how you feel about him it will never go anywhere so don't fall into the trap of thinking this is your little thing you too have together,fighting then making up again.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

I would say time to get some new friends what a jerk this guy is to embarrass you like that.

[LiZaRD_PlaNET]

I would expect this of high school and elementary kids, but college kids should have more common sense. What have these people in your class been doing with their college education that it's not opening their eyes to more things in the world. I don't particularly like how your first friend acted, but at least he came back and kind of tried to make it better. I don't know if he even apologized, but try talking to him again.

[bluefox4000]

Yea and don't worry you'll find someone just right for you

Mick

[toomuch45]

mile:mile:mile:mile:
your very welcome and like i said you'll find someone i know it.

[azulai]

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

But, maybe the rose-colored glasses you had on for this guy are now broken. Your heart will heal and you will find someone worthy of you. You're too nice a guy to be treated this way. There was cruelty in his words and actions.

Hold your head up high and be strong.
*big hug*

[TyD]

Wow. What a total as*hole. One. just give him one chance to try and repair your friendship if he tries to. If he's still a douche..You know what to do.

[I-heart-U]

it could be his way of saying "keep away,I'm not gay" he probably has picked up how you feel about him,you either need to get used to those comments or don't go back for more,either tell him to stop or next time ask him why is he so interested about gay people,don't expect him to realise you are hurt, so that he will stop,get mad,it doesn't mean you still can't wish but just realise no matter how you feel about him it will never go anywhere so don't fall into the trap of thinking this is your little thing you too have together,fighting then making up again.

I know nothing will happen between us and I'm trying to accept it but I wish he would just tell me that he's not interested but that he still wants to be friends. The worst thing is, we used to revise for exams together so if I keep away from him which I'm now having to do I won't do as well in my exams.

[I-heart-U]

Thanks for the messages everyone, I've been really upset over it and i went to my tutor this morning to discuss my dissertation and she noticed that I was upset. I don't want other people to see me upset because it makes them feel sorry for me and I don't to upset people. University will be over in a few months, after that I just want to forget about him and everyone else. I will go somewhere where nobody knows my name. The worst thing is, I was subjected to similar remarks at work the day before that, although the next time that happens I will make a formal complaint to their manager.