my baby doesnt know im dad

[zeon]

Hello There,
If I was in your shoes I would consult your friend on a one to one basis... Maybe try to speak with her over a "Spud you Like" or some other moment of lunch which will take some time to talk about.. What I would suggest to her is that you have paternal rights to see your son... Irrespective of whether she is with another man or not he is your flesh and blood and in the long run it is easier for everyone and less cruel on him if she either A, Told him straight that his not the biological father or B, Allows you access to see him everyday/time and if this fails then you can always have a DNA test done but remember to make sure that with every action there is usually a consqiuence...
We can go through life lying to ourselves and not get very far at this but if you truely love him and want whats best and to be a genuine dad then I would recommend telling her to tell him and take some time out with her and your son to decide how and when your going to see/have him...

Best of luck

[Anonymous]

Hello There,
If I was in your shoes I would consult your friend on a one to one basis... Maybe try to speak with her over a "Spud you Like" or some other moment of lunch which will take some time to talk about.. What I would suggest to her is that you have paternal rights to see your son... Irrespective of whether she is with another man or not he is your flesh and blood and in the long run it is easier for everyone and less cruel on him if she either A, Told him straight that his not the biological father or B, Allows you access to see him everyday/time and if this fails then you can always have a DNA test done but remember to make sure that with every action there is usually a consqiuence...
We can go through life lying to ourselves and not get very far at this but if you truely love him and want whats best and to be a genuine dad then I would recommend telling her to tell him and take some time out with her and your son to decide how and when your going to see/have him...

Best of luck

thanks i like this idea.

everyone else has such great ideas too and i will be thinking hard about my next course of action.

to answer the question earlier...
she WAS sleeping with her husband at the same time we had the one nighter.
but...
a test has proven he is mine.
me and my friend paid for it and kept it private from her hubby.
it was then she asked me not to say anything.
"as long as we know... its all that matters"
her words.

i guess im in for a few sleepless nights untill i make my decision.
il let you all know my choice soon enough

[Ultra]

It always used to be kept secret. There are a significant number of people out there whose fathers are not who they think they are.

Ah I see. Sorry I sounded pretty harsh (that was the tone I was going for) when I said "why?"

[fredv3b]

You and your friend made a mistake. Probably best not to turn it into a tragedy.

I have to say, I agree with Marshy.

[fredv3b]

Ah I see. Sorry I sounded pretty harsh (that was the tone I was going for) when I said "why?"

No need to apologise. I know I can be blunt at times.

[Virgin]

i'm sorry to be such a killjoy but it'd be best if you just don't say anything at all. there's just too many complications along with disclosing this fact (if this is indeed the truth), not to mention the effect it will have on the child. sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is just the best option.

[simon]

tell the real dad!!!!!

it WILL come out sometime,so why put you and the child and her parnter though this,the kid has a 100% right to know you and you have a right to get to know your child,her husband has a right to know also,for him to bring up someones elses child with the cost and emotions that involves and then to find out he was lied too for years would be horrible,you might be saving she feelings for now but at what expence,you could even finf yourself being sued in years to come for the costs of bring up the kid.

[zeon]

i'm sorry to be such a killjoy but it'd be best if you just don't say anything at all. there's just too many complications along with disclosing this fact (if this is indeed the truth), not to mention the effect it will have on the child. sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is just the best option.

Hello,
On a neutral note I would have to disagree with you here... It is best to sort out this problem whilst the baby is still young... My father spent over half his life beleiving his dad was truely his dad and then his mother dropped a bomb shell about 3 years ago when this person he called dad died and revealed he was a result of a one night stand which has affected him badly..
In my opinion i will still standby it is easier to sort this out whilst the baby is young than have him beleive his mothers partner is his dad when in affect isnt

kindest regards

[Virgin]

Hello,
On a neutral note I would have to disagree with you here... It is best to sort out this problem whilst the baby is still young... My father spent over half his life beleiving his dad was truely his dad and then his mother dropped a bomb shell about 3 years ago when this person he called dad died and revealed he was a result of a one night stand which has affected him badly..
In my opinion i will still standby it is easier to sort this out whilst the baby is young than have him beleive his mothers partner is his dad when in affect isnt

kindest regards

i understand your point however, i don't think the girl's husband will just accept this revelation and calls it a day. there are two possible outcome for this:

1) the husband will file a divorce against the woman and leave them for good for grounds of cheating. in this situation, is he (the thread starter) ready to commit himself to build a family for this child with him as a father? or will this be another case of a child growing up with separated parents.

2) the husband accepts the truth and will stay with the girl. but is it right to let a child grow up in a situation wherein he/she thinks he has 2 fathers? one who lives with his mom and the other, ocassionally visits him? i'm afraid the child may grow up confused and bitter due to this.

either outcome does not suggest an easy growing up for the child.

[zeon]

i understand your point however, i don't think the girl's husband will just accept this revelation and calls it a day. there are two possible outcome for this:

1) the husband will file a divorce against the woman and leave them for good for grounds of cheating. in this situation, is he (the thread starter) ready to commit himself to build a family for this child with him as a father? or will this be another case of a child growing up with separated parents.

2) the husband accepts the truth and will stay with the girl. but is it right to let a child grow up in a situation wherein he/she thinks he has 2 fathers? one who lives with his mom and the other, ocassionally visits him? i'm afraid the child may grow up confused and bitter due to this.

either outcome does not suggest an easy growing up for the child.

Hello
It would only be uneasy for the child if the child lived life beleiving the man his mother was with was his father when in fact he wasnt.. Of course being honest can have consqieuences but every action has a consiquence... Furthermore to the husband if he chose to leave her at least by leaving her he is still young enough to find another partner and be a father to a child which is biologically his..
With regards to a child which has two fathers... In the united kingdom and worldwide alot of children grow up with a step father and a biological father... I feel that intitially this would be the case however having said that I dont personally know the child I am talking from friends and family experiences..