my baby doesnt know im dad

[simon]

i understand your point however, i don't think the girl's husband will just accept this revelation and calls it a day. there are two possible outcome for this:

1) the husband will file a divorce against the woman and leave them for good for grounds of cheating. in this situation, is he (the thread starter) ready to commit himself to build a family for this child with him as a father? or will this be another case of a child growing up with separated parents.

2) the husband accepts the truth and will stay with the girl. but is it right to let a child grow up in a situation wherein he/she thinks he has 2 fathers? one who lives with his mom and the other, ocassionally visits him? i'm afraid the child may grow up confused and bitter due to this.

either outcome does not suggest an easy growing up for the child.

only two outcomes? I could think of a lot more but do we really have a right to say something as fundamental as knowing your parents can be hidden,it may be "best" for the child if Angelina Jolie were to adopt the child but it is not always what is best for the child but what is right and if the child could still have a childhood that is healthy for it,no reason why the child can not be told the truth and still have a happy life,the chances are that the parents will not be together for the clilds full childhood anyway.

[Virgin]

hello there zeon. thanks for the response. but i'd like to present my points here....

Hello
It would only be uneasy for the child if the child lived life beleiving the man his mother was with was his father when in fact he wasnt..

how can the child feel uneasy when he/she will not know in the first place?

Of course being honest can have consqieuences but every action has a consiquence...

that's why we have what we call decisions. it's not easy to decide on something, but make sure you're deciding on something that has less complicated consequences.

Furthermore to the husband if he chose to leave her at least by leaving her he is still young enough to find another partner and be a father to a child which is biologically his..

finding/looking for a partner is not like finding a fish in the market where you could just easily grab one and take home. especially in this situation where there's a child already invlolved. i'm not sure how's in your country but here in ours, we try to keep the family in tact as much as possible for the sake of the children. and by family, i mean, 1 father, 1 mother, and their children.

With regards to a child which has two fathers... In the united kingdom and worldwide alot of children grow up with a step father and a biological father... I feel that intitially this would be the case however having said that I dont personally know the child I am talking from friends and family experiences..

now i understand...... :-)

[fredv3b]

to answer the question earlier...
she WAS sleeping with her husband at the same time we had the one nighter.
but...
a test has proven he is mine.
me and my friend paid for it and kept it private from her hubby.
it was then she asked me not to say anything.
"as long as we know... its all that matters"
her words.

Thanks for the reply. I have to wonder why she wanted the DNA test? If she wanted to keep it all secret and preserve her marriage why do the test?

[Anonymous]

the dabate between you all is exactly the one im having with myself lol.
its by far the hardest decision of my life.
deciding what is best for my son is the most important thing.

i am however scared that if i say nothing the truth will come out later in life just like people have said.

my son would be mentally battered by it which i certainly dont want!!

i think my choice will be to tell her husband but...
give her the chance to tell him first.

im sure once the initial pain has died down for her husband they will work it out.
he seems like the forgiving type but i doubt i will get any forgivness from him.

not that i expect it.

i feel like i have betrayed my morals as an english man by doing the deed with a married woman.
maybe i can reverse a little of that and be honest... be a man and grow some balls for the sake of my little boy.

[simon]

the dabate between you all is exactly the one im having with myself lol.
its by far the hardest decision of my life.
deciding what is best for my son is the most important thing.

i am however scared that if i say nothing the truth will come out later in life just like people have said.

my son would be mentally battered by it which i certainly dont want!!

i think my choice will be to tell her husband but...
give her the chance to tell him first.

im sure once the initial pain has died down for her husband they will work it out.
he seems like the forgiving type but i doubt i will get any forgivness from him.

not that i expect it.

i feel like i have betrayed my morals as an english man by doing the deed with a married woman.
maybe i can reverse a little of that and be honest... be a man and grow some balls for the sake of my little boy.

I think giving her the chance to tell him is a good move,but don't be too surprised if she doesn't get round to it.

[fredv3b]

I'm sorry I have to play Devil's advocate here.

My father spent over half his life beleiving his dad was truely his dad and then his mother dropped a bomb shell about 3 years ago when this person he called dad died and revealed he was a result of a one night stand which has affected him badly..

If your grandmother had kept what was secret, secret then your father would still be blissfully ignorant.

I would certainly agree that it is easier to sort the issue out now, keeping secrets is not easy. However the easiest option is not necessarily the best, wisest or most honourable.

[fredv3b]

It would only be uneasy for the child if the child lived life beleiving the man his mother was with was his father when in fact he wasnt..

Why would it be uneasy for the child being brought up to believe something that just happens not to bs true?