What should I do?!?!?!

[Username]

I'm fourteen. I am in a relationship with a former best friend who recently came out. We are happy together until recently. He keeps pushing me to have sex and I don't know how to tell him this so I'm telling you guys for advice. Please don't judge me,
When I was 6 I was sexually assaulted and everytime I'm around him when he wants sex I get nervous. Its gotten to the point where if I even see him I can't sleep at night. I feel like he's pushing me to do this even though he doesn't know this about me. I need advice for how to either tell him or somthing. I honestly don't know what to do please help.

[simon]

hi there,

with your friend all you need to do is say no and don't feel guilty about that,say it and mean it,he will have to accept it,you don't need to give him the reason if you don't want to,you are still very young,you tell those you want too,you need to work out if it's because you are young or mainly because of the abuse,if it's the abuse you might need to get some help for it before it affects any more of your life,maybe find a family member you can talk to about this,there are always helplines too,remember it's your body and you don't need a reason to say no.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

And by sex you mean all the way with anal penetration? If your partner is that horny and needs the release, you can do other things, right? that is IF they don't bother you as well. If they do, its okay. But you will have to explain and show him what this means to you. Just sit him down and try being honest to an extent which is okay with you. I hope he understands. And don't worry. You don't have to do anything sexual if you don;t want to (you probably know that, I'm just sayin). Good luck and keep in touch. :]

[Beaux]

ya got some good advice up there ^ One way or another you need to get some professional consuling about the abuse, you may not feel like you need it now, but the affects of abuse are pervasive and subtle. I can assure you that, although it may seem a scary thing, working through the abuse now while your still young is to your best benefit.
as far as the bf goes, just be honest, tell him how you feel. take things slow, sex is never a good idea if you feel pressured.

[cry0s]

Agreed with the above. You should always feel 100% comfortable with something like that before you take any action. It's your body and your choice. You most definitely have a right to say no. Try talking it out, it might seem awkward but it's still the best way to get things off of your chest.

[fredv3b]

You're 14, it's perfectly alright to not want sex regardless of your history. You just have to say no to him. You may (or may not) find it helpful talking to him about why, but that is your decision.

As an aside, I wonder if your bf feels that, because he has now come out and has a bf, he is supposed to have sex? Perhaps he is pressuring himself to pressure you. Just a thought.

[Jfierce]

Counseling from a professional is a great idea. If you live in a large city there is probably an LGBT center where you may be able to get help for free. Also check with counselors at your school for a referral. You are probably experiencing some sort of post traumatic stress from your earlier abuse. I recommend no sex until you have had some counseling or your experiences may get worse.

Tell your boyfriend that you feel you are too young to take tour relationship to the next level. After a couple of sessions you can open up about your abuse. If he is not 100% supportive of you dump him like yesterdays garbage.,

[marshlander]

All I can say is that I agree with pretty much everything already mentioned. It's your body, your decision. You don't have to give a reason if you don't want to. If he can't accept that let it be his problem.

[Virgin]

you need to let your boyfriend understand how you're feeling about these things. perhaps you may be scared that on telling him about this may make him distance his self from you. but more often than not, honesty in a relationship (whether it's the good, the bad or the ugly) usually brings closer ties. tell him in a way that you aren't blaming him for how you feel but instead, show him that you're doing this because you want to honest to yourself and to your relationship.

and whatever the outcome is, don't forget that true love does not rely on sex alone. goodluck.

[fenris]

Sex is one of the things you have to learn to handle, too. A "no" is a "no" and has to be accepted. A partner who don´t accept your "no" is not the right partner.
Let yourself never persuade to do anything that you do not want to ... this applies to sex but also for example to do something without a condom if you know it is wrong.

Your own will and your own security is all what counts.... and that has nothing to do with love or selfishness