What should I do?!?!?!

[Bookworm]

Agree with all the above.
You need resolution to your issues surrounding the abuse you suffered. Focus on your own needs and seek counselling and advice around that, don't allow anyone else to pressurize you into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with.

[zeon]

I'm fourteen. I am in a relationship with a former best friend who recently came out. We are happy together until recently. He keeps pushing me to have sex and I don't know how to tell him this so I'm telling you guys for advice. Please don't judge me,
When I was 6 I was sexually assaulted and everytime I'm around him when he wants sex I get nervous. Its gotten to the point where if I even see him I can't sleep at night. I feel like he's pushing me to do this even though he doesn't know this about me. I need advice for how to either tell him or somthing. I honestly don't know what to do please help.

Hello there,
I am sorry to hear that you suffered sexual abuse as a child... This can affect how you feel later on in life and dont worry about how to tell him this of course it isnt something we go around screaming... Have you consulted some medical proffession and talk about what happenned in the past? I know that when your young what happens you grow up with and it can affect you in many many ways..
Maybe it would be wise to talk with him about what happenned in your past and ask him to support you if you go for some help about this.. I know people sometimes say its in the past leave it there but the past is what haunts us whether its serious or not moments tend to crop back and I can imagen you feel like your trapped in a prison that you want to break free from... Talking to someone about it can help or maybe do what I did with my broken childhood.. Write down on paper what is affecting you and what you wish for... Like a letter to yourself except your address all the issues... Dont blame yourself for what happenned because it is not your fault... You didnt ask for this abuse to happen and then barriers arise forcing you from moving on..
Through talking with a medical professional coun ciller your find in time that time can be the greatest healer and as you grow older your find people younger than you from time to time who have been in the same boat as you who have had their childhood destroyed and the advice ive given you you can relay to them just whatever action you take with moving forward stick by your guns and go with the flow...

Now with regards to your boyfriend maybe its time to ask him to take it slow... You dont need to explain all details to him just advise him that you wish to take it slow to start with because good things take time.. Of course his going to be horny from time to time and pester for sex.. Everyones sex drive is different levels but if you guys sleep together then instead of sex ask him for a hug for the night and a cuddle up...

I wish you the best in this situation and once again im sorry to hear someone so evil could take a part of your childhood away you wont ever get back..

Kindest regards

Z x

[Username]

Thank you guys so much for your advice I'm still thinking things over but thanks again.

[jbrowder24]

Depending on if what you feel in terms of love, I think you should consider telling him. Others are right that you may need to talk to a professional and sort through your issues. However, if you simply keep saying no to sex without explaining why, he may get the wrong idea and feel as if you are pushing him away because you are not interested. Even if you don't tell him the entire truth, you need to make sure that you somehow let him know that you're very interested in him, but want to wait as you deal with some issues from your past.

However, 14 is very young and past aside, you should not have sex until you feel ready for it. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are a little older, and hopefully your boyfriend would be able to accept that. If he can't, just remember that it's not your fault. Stick to your principles and keep your integrity; the right guy would not pressure you for something you are not ready for, though it can also help if he understands the reasons you are not ready.

[Username]

Omg. Friday I decided after thinking things through
To tell him and when I did he understood completely.
It feels so good to have that off my chest and that's not all.
The next day (Saturday) we were watching tv and I got turned on and
We started cuddling and eventually I asked if he wanted to have sex and
We did!!! I didn't even feel uncomfortable about it he made me feel so safe and secure.
And since I told him we've been even closer. Thank you guys soooooooo much.
Had I not asked for your advice I wouldn't have gotten where I am. Thanks

[jbrowder24]

I'm glad you found someone you could be honest with, and ultimately comfortable with. Best of luck to you both