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hey guys :)
#1
hi guys im new here and so far what ive seen this is a very open, relaxed and nice place Smile
abit about me. well im 19 and in a long term straight relationship, this is kinda the reason ive joined this site, cause i need help with this issue. the thing is i do love my gf but i cant help but want men, ive never told anyone i have these feelings and i dont know what to do, should i tell here? should i leave here and explore my sexuality? but i dont know if i should be posting that here so sorry more about me well like i said i had a gf in confused and in the closet. im 6f2" 100% straight acting, healthy, i enjoy rugby and live in london. and i look forward to making lots of friends and being a member of the community Smile
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#2
Hi and Welcome to the forum! :biggrin: Glad to have you! As far as your relationship goes your really going to have to come to a decision as to what is right and fair to yourself and to her as well. I wish you the best of luck!
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#3
Hi, welcome Confusedmile:

If its a serious long term relationship you are in then your sexuality is something you need to address or it will just gnaw away at you, especially if your girlfriend wants to take the next step and get engaged and start thinking about wedding plans etc...would be best for both of you in the long run if you sort out whats right for you before all that happens, or it will be much more difficult further down the line.
I always say honesty is the best policy but its not always the easiest policy...
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#4
hey thanks for the warm welcome Smile, i know i really have come to a conclusion to fair to myself and more importantly her. i just wanted to say i love this site already and im looking forward to making friends and solving my problem and maybe helping people with theirs Smile
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#5
Welcome Ninja.

Regarding your situation, the last thing you want to do is figure it out by experimenting with men while you are still with her. Obviously you love her... but is it love & attraction? Or love as one could also have for a sister or best friend? If you can figure that out while remaining faithful, then you should know what to do. If you're still confused, then you should see if she is either open to the idea of an open relationship, or talk with her about taking a break. Either way she might not understand and you risk losing her, but this would still be better than any type of on the side experimenting, IMO.
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#6
hi there,

do you love her as a friend or fancy her? you have the option of leaving her if it's not right for you,you don't really want to be stringing her along,she could be with someone that could commit to her,if you do leave her there is no need to go rushing into a relationship with men,give yourself a while to get your head in a good place(was going to say get head on straightRolleyes) you could even be Bi or gay?
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#7
ninja Wrote:hi guys im new here and so far what ive seen this is a very open, relaxed and nice place Smile
abit about me. well im 19 and in a long term straight relationship, this is kinda the reason ive joined this site, cause i need help with this issue. the thing is i do love my gf but i cant help but want men, ive never told anyone i have these feelings and i dont know what to do, should i tell here? should i leave here and explore my sexuality? but i dont know if i should be posting that here so sorry more about me well like i said i had a gf in confused and in the closet. im 6f2" 100% straight acting, healthy, i enjoy rugby and live in london. and i look forward to making lots of friends and being a member of the community Smile

Welcome

I completely understand man. I loved my wife on a emotional level and I still do today but we are now best friends and we're both happier. It took me forever to realize that not being able to completely fulfill all of her needs wasn't fair to her and I was picking a new hat from my closet each day to best fit who I was supposed to be.

It will gnaw away at you and it's extremely difficult to deal with. It's just something that you honestly have to figure out and I believe that you will.
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#8
Hello, ninja, and welcome. It is a tough road you are facing and I applaud you for trying to sort out your feelings before it becomes even tougher.

While I normally agree wholeheartedly with jbrowder24 I think that experimenting with men is not "the last thing you want to do". From experience I would suggest that the last thing might be to follow one inevitable path into possible marriage, probable parenthood and almost definite depression. If you are gay it will eat away at you. Mother Nature has a way of getting your attention, even if it takes a while.

This is all very mixed up with mixed up notions of morality and what you will probably find yourself trying to work out is whether you can cope with the consequences of whatever decisions you take. One path is to sit down with your girlfriend and have an honest discussion with her about your feelings and concerns. You cannot be certain of her response, even if you think you know her, but you won't know until you have that talk. One pro is that you have laid your cards on the table and cleared the air (to mix metaphors). One possible con is that she dumps you before you are ready to let her go. You might agree to freeing each other up for a while to see other people - that is also risky, but carries fewer unwanted repercussions into the future.

You could take a walk on the other side and see how you respond with a man. It has the potential to get messy, but at least you'll have taken fantasy into reality and you may find out that it definitely isn't the way you want to go. However, even at nineteen, some of us are still people in the making and it sometimes takes a while to come to terms with aspects of ourselves such as sexuality.

Whatever you decide will be difficult. Nineteen is still quite young to make permanent decisions about your future. That is what I think I would have told my nineteen year old self ... but I don't know that I would have listened!

Best wishes and good luck.
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#9
My tuppence worth....

Are you happy with her, emotionally, romantically, sexually, etc? If you are then don't torture yourself about your attraction to guys. If you are not happy then let her go (nicely) give yourself some time to be single and work out whether it's a guy or girl that would make you happy.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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#10
thank you all for your advise, i sat down with here and chatted about it. amazingly everything went better than i expected, she said she could tell that i wasnt very involved sexually with her and thanked me for telling her. and shes agreed not to tell anyone anything until i've figured some stuff out and we intend to stay close friends Confusedmile:
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