Ok. So here's my situation. I'm 20 years old. Came out when I was 18, first day of college. I am QUITE comfortable with my sexuality. I don't hide it from anyone. I certainly don't flaunt it, but definitely don't hide it. I met my current boyfriend of nearly 2 years a few months after I came out. Only months before we started dating did I have my first kiss (different guy, high school crush... you know how that goes). Well my boyfriend and I began dating, and he was the person I chose to lose my virginity to. I was raised in a christian household. Not horrifyingly, bible-beater christian. The nice one's that people actually like, lol. I have this belief that sex is emotional, and I strive to reserve it for relationships only. However, my boyfriend comes from a relatively different background... ok... a VERY different background. He was rather promiscuous in his teen years (he is only 6 months older, mind you). Not HORRIBLY promiscuous, but certainly enough.
Now here is where my question lies. He is quite sexually experienced. I am not... ok WAS not  Remember that I always thought (I still do, actually) that sex was reserved for strong emotions. Perhaps not necessarily love, but you understand.
[COLOR="Lime"]Am I being naive... maybe even stupid... to think that sex, even in a gay youth, should be reserved for emotions?
[/COLOR]
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
I don't think you are being naive...nor do I think there is a correct answer though there are many who would disagree with me. I think you should be true to yourself and if that means sex should be reserved for emotions then that is how you should conduct yourself. Any danger of naivete at this point at your age would be, in my opinion, lack of life experience and understaning/insight/respect for other people's need to be true to them self which may include a very different view of sexuality from your own.
•
I think East has given you a pretty good answer.
I'm not one to moralize, I don't think it is wrong for people to be promiscuous. People really should behave as they are comfortable, but keep in mind that it's a dangerous world out there. We would be better off with taking sex a little more seriously than many of us do.
•
Of course not! We all have our own views on sex and the way we think it should be is something very important. It's not naive to think sex should be all about emotions and passion, and it's not wrong to think sex shouldn't be like that too. It's all connected to the desires deep inside us, so it definitely shouldn't be ignored. I just hope you and your bf find the balance, if that's the case. Because I think that you may like the way he sees sex too (if you've not tried yet or so..). :]
•
Posts: 2,418
Threads: 41
Joined: Oct 2008
Reputation:
0
Mood: None
AtomicBaum Wrote:Am I being naive... maybe even stupid... to think that sex, even in a gay youth, should be reserved for emotions?
I agree with you, but I think we are both being idealistic.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
•
No, naive isn't the word.... There are lots of people who think like you (like me).
All you need to do is realize that your idea of sex can be different from someone else's. So, you can meet people with similar morals, or accept that your boyfriend might look at sex differently than you. As long as he's not cheating on you, I think you can definitely make it work.
•
Count me as someone similar, raised to believe sex should mean something... which isn't to say everything I've done has meant something, but those are my regrets and the idea of connecting with someone is the goal.
I don't know what to say about the issue at hand though. Sometimes you have to learn to love someone for all parts of them, including what you may perceive as a fault or bothersome difference.
•
Thank you! Yeah, it definitely doesn't change our relationship at all. My love for him grows more and more each day. He actually does have a similar view on sex as I do, it's just he has a few more regrets than he'd care to admit. Which is fine. He understands that they're "mistakes" or at least something(s) he isn't proud of. I was just worried that maybe I was being TOO idealistic in thinking that way. I'm glad to see other gay men who think that sex should MEAN something.
Basically, I just wanted to see if I was the only one who thought this, lol.
•
wow, i never thought that a perception like this is still existing in America, especially in terms of gay sex. and no, you're not being naive or stupid. in fact, your the complete opposite. at the young age of 20, you've already got some moral values and principle that should be emulated by the modern gay community. if all of us (LGBT) have the same belief as you do when it comes to this matter, we will have minimal problem in getting respect from the 'straight community'.
and of course, welcome to GS.
•
my two cents says you're not naive, and that you're actually giving it some thought. Kudos, and take your time, sex is awesome, and if he's got experience, maybe he can teach you some fun things. just don't feel pressured.
•
|
