Stop with the insults.

[XRIMO]

I've noticed lately that there are a few users who are becoming very insulting and nasty to each other. I'm not really one to give out infractions, though I've been considering it, but rather I just want to ask that the posters please just take a minute before posting that next nasty response and think, "is this how I want new users to see GS?"

The one thing that I really like about this site is that it feels like a community, its not very big and its easy to get to know the members. But in last week or two, I've been very put off with the name calling and rather nasty things people are saying to each other.

If you have a problem with a user, please take it up with them in private. If you don't like their opinion, then tell them in a PM. There are people out there who are looking for answers to problems, and right now they might not want to join here if all they see is everyone attacking each other.

So lets bring the camaraderie back to the site and stop the childish behaviour.

Thanks

[fredv3b]

While I agree with your feelings about the childish behaviour and name calling, I reserve the right to reply in public to what was said to me in public.

[East]

I had zero interest in a gay forum because they were all so nasty...really...until I found this one. It was very nice until Virgin showed up...He is abusive. I am not going to pretend that he is not abusive, He intentionally has picked a fight and insulted alot of people. I am not going to interact with him anymore but I certainly am not going to apologize for saying what I said to him.

[fredv3b]

Agreed, I may have been known to pick an argument, but not a fight and he is abusive. My reply in another thread was as restrained as I could manage.

[jbrowder24]

It boils down to respect and trying to be understanding, unfortunately sometimes there's a provoker. I can't relate to having any problems here... had one post I felt maybe judged on but I asked people respect I have my reasons and still think fondly of those involved who have otherwise been very welcoming to me in my short time here. But I know I can relate to what East said with television forums... some forums, not just gay ones, simply end up having nasty, mean people that shoot you down when you try to become a part of their group. This TV forum, like gayspeak, was welcoming to me... but there's that one guy that causes problems. Not so blatant they'd ban him, but it's not a coincidence multiple members have issues with him, but don't have issues with other members. At the same time, I saw something happnen here that didn't in the other forum, and that was a troubled young poster who perhaps should have found a better way to express herself, but many were quick to judge. We often need to take a moment and remember we don't know everything a person has or is going through; we can only get so much from a few posts on a forum.

Anyway I'm just relating my experiences and what I've seen and hope no one takes this the wrong way as I haven't had any problems personally with anyone yet here... but it definitely felt more welcoming and joyful when I first joined a month ago, and hope it can get back to that very soon

[East]

Agreed, I may have been known to pick an argument, but not a fight and he is abusive. My reply in another thread was as restrained as I could manage.

You aren't abusive. I dont' see anyone else here that is abusive. He is absolutely abusive and he will most likely continue to be abusive. As he was the first person to "thank" this post I suspect that anyone who has stood up to him is being scolded.

[XRIMO]

Has anyone put an infraction against Virgin?

Basically, if he says anything nasty to you, that is what the infraction button is there for. This is why we don't have mods anymore, Andy gave us the power to decide if a user is being troublesome because he believed we would use it responsibly. If it happens again, click the infraction button.

All I want is for people who are looking for a place to ask the questions they might be scared to ask to be able to see GS and feel like they are in a welcoming, safe environment to ask and receive advice, without judgement.

[bluefox4000]

I must say I agree With everything that's been said. However, sadly I've yet to join a forum.....Gay or not.....that is 100 percent free of insults and attacks. OK, people just gow internet balls and they say things they probably never say face to face. sad but the net just gives ammo to these people. As nice as a forum is.....they'll be around. That's a fact.

Mick

[simon]

It boils down to respect and trying to be understanding, unfortunately sometimes there's a provoker. I can't relate to having any problems here... had one post I felt maybe judged on but I asked people respect I have my reasons and still think fondly of those involved who have otherwise been very welcoming to me in my short time here. But I know I can relate to what East said with television forums... some forums, not just gay ones, simply end up having nasty, mean people that shoot you down when you try to become a part of their group. This TV forum, like gayspeak, was welcoming to me... but there's that one guy that causes problems. Not so blatant they'd ban him, but it's not a coincidence multiple members have issues with him, but don't have issues with other members. At the same time, I saw something happnen here that didn't in the other forum, and that was a troubled young poster who perhaps should have found a better way to express herself, but many were quick to judge. We often need to take a moment and remember we don't know everything a person has or is going through; we can only get so much from a few posts on a forum.

Anyway I'm just relating my experiences and what I've seen and hope no one takes this the wrong way as I haven't had any problems personally with anyone yet here... but it definitely felt more welcoming and joyful when I first joined a month ago, and hope it can get back to that very soon

I could be wrong but I think I could be one of the people you are talking about,the post I think you are referring too was only help/thoughts/opinions,it seemed you were ok with people commenting on your post as it was very detailed,if you don't want people to comment on your posts then you really need to say so clearly as on forums people do feel they have a right to comment,going anon as you said you should have done would not have stopped my commenting on that post, as it didn't say comments weren't allowed,it would have only kept you as an unknown poster,so leads me in thinking you didn't want to be seen as that person in the post?

as for judging people,we all judge everyday,society judges,society has rules and laws,if I choose to reply to a post giving my opinion I can't see what the problem is,you ask for no judging but guess what I feel my posts are now being judged but I'm fine with it as its a forum and people have different opinions.

if someone posts something I feel very strongly about I will not tip toe around it but come out and say what I think,again I think we know which post it is.

[Beaux]

Debating and soliciting an opinion are one thing, personal attacks and negetive personal remarks are another thing entirely. I think we all are aware of the persons who have been involved in the latter behavior.
Though it is easier to overlook this behavior in an obviously troubled youth, personally I have chosen to minimize my contact with her in an attempt to ease friction here on the forum. As for Virgin, I have had few instances that necesitated interaction with him but am aware that others have had verbal entangelments and can see that at times the boundries of polite interaction have been crossed.
Usually, I would say that ignoring a problem only makes it wrose, but in this case it seems (to me) to be the best solution. Some people seem to thrive on attention, perhaps withdrawing the desired payoff will lessen the propensity to offend?