Sometimes I Wonder...

[jbrowder24]

... if I'm too sensitive or empathetic. Been thinking about this a lot since the insult thread.

Sometimes I see posts on here that seem harsh in judgment. Many are perhaps with reason, but I sometimes wonder if there are others on the other side of the coin.

For example, stuff like.. "you cheated, dump your ass!". Comments like that, I can understand. I've never cheated, but have been cheated on. And there could be some people here who have really been hurt by cheating. Yet I also can't help but feel for someone who perhaps has made a mistake and feels guilty, and if any of those people reading here might feel people wouldn't be forgiving/welcoming (Also, huge difference between one mistake and a habitual cheater/player in my book).

Or, another example... stuff about people calling/writing either not enough or too much, etc. Sometimes I feel like there's been comments against someone who might come off a little clingy or needy. Yet, some people suffer with conditions like anxiety, and there's a big difference between say asking for a little reasurrance and say stalking someone because you don't trust them.

A non-site example, I recently saw a comedy and afterwards told my friend Steph it made me feel both happy and sad. She asked why, I said because of some of the actions/choices of the characters (which in this case included cheating). She said, So you felt for the husband and kids that weren't even in the movie? I said no, I felt sad for the woman that cheated because she said when she goes to the convention once a year, that's her escape from reality, and it made me sad she felt that way. Just a dang character in a movie, but I find I relate to people sometimes in ways others don't...

I don't know. Sometimes I'm pretty carefree and fun, but othertimes I find myself getting bogged down with thoughts like this. Maybe my friend Steph is right... I've never looked into biorhythms but she looked mine up and said my emotional one's really low right now... so maybe it's stuff like that.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting all of this. I guess I'm just curious if other people find themselves relating to bigger picture feelings... and either way, do you have trouble relating with people who seem the opposite?

[zeon]

Hello,
We all read and interpre things differently.. I know with me if im messing around I put a lol or If someone writes things in capitals I get offended because CAPITALS IS A SIGN YOUR SHOUTING AND ITS VERY VERY RUDE! I wouldnt get too annoyed with yourself we are all unqiuie in our own little ways =)

[Beaux]

I have been accused more (more than once) of being insensitive when profering a response to a post. Perhaps I am, however I make a really effort to provide the querent with the kinda of answer that I myself would want should it be I that had made the query: an honest one.
Also, I am inclined to believe that many posters have mistaken sympathy for pity. Do I symapthize with a person that has experienced a rough patch? Of course I do, we have all had rough times and I do try to express my wishes that things will improve for them. Do I feel sorry for them? No, not really. I reserve pity for the mentally challenged and persons who have had the unfortunate luck to have suffered an "act of God" (the residents of Japan for example). The rest of us are more than capable of learning from our mistakes and moving on. If someone is posting on the board because they are looking for someone to feel sorry for them then I dont reply to their thread, cause it isnt me. I will not coddle some one, telling people what they want to hear just to make them feel better isnt doing them any service,
You seem like a very nice person, it is an admirable quality to take the feelings of others into consideration. However, to use your on example of the clingy/needy person, if your actions perpetuate co-dependent behavior then it really isnt a kindness is it? It is same old question that mothers have asked for generations: "Does this dress make me look fat?" Mother may be disappointed to hear that "Yes, it does, you may want to change" but she will be glad she didnt go to church in it.

[Genersis]

Sometimes i read posts and think "Thats a little harsh isn't it?" And have even written replies just to point such out. Most of the time though, i read over what i'm about to post and think "Maybe i'm just too sensitive.:redface:". (Don't ask how i "think" the smiley:tongue and decide not to post.

I try to write responses that no one could take offence to personally. I guess i just REALLY don't like the idea of upsetting anyone.:redface:
Especially seen as we never hear the WHOLE story on here of someones situation, or why they feel "X" towards "Y" .

And as for films.
When i see...say an action film. The parts where most people are like "Wow! he blew all those guys up with an RPG!" I'm thinking "Wow, as cool as that looked, 5 families have just lost a relative who was unlucky enough to be working for/on side "X"". ESPECIALLY in war films.:redface:

Oh, and i think you earned yourself one of these:

[Lolguy]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being too sensitive, really. I'm the polar opposite: I often shut off emotion and don't give a shit about other people.

[East]

I have given this alot of thought over the years as I talked to hundreds of people a night when I bartended and I encountered just about everything you can imagine...and I came to alot of conclusions of course but as I learn more and acquire new insight and information my opinion and attitudes constantly evolve.

I had to figure out a few things or I would have drowned or been burned out like most of my co workers and the first thing I adopted and it took awhile to really get it...I had to learn that I was not responsible for anyone else's feelings. I generally figure out if someone TRULY wants help or my advice and then I am usually direct because I often feel like I am in the middle of The Emperor with no Clothes and I always am wondering why someone doesnt' tell someone else the truth...

Sure...the truth isn't always nice but if someone needs help wouldn't the nicest thing be to actually give them some help? That is how I conducted myself and some people loved me for it...some people hated me for it...but I felt like I was being true to myself when I told someone the truth so that is what I did...

However, the Internet poses a problem because I am willing to be the bad guy if someone needs me to be but I am not into harming anyone in any way and when I can't see someone's body language or look into their eyes to gauge I usually keep my advice to myself because I realize it comes off as cruel and I do not want to be cruel to anyone intentionally or unintentionally if I can help it.

I have a huge problem with people not taking responsibility for their own actions and behavior as well and when I see someone who is a professional victim I get crazy...I have to consciously tell myself to shut my mouth...I grew up with two of them and watched them snuff the life and spirit out of everyone in their paths......I have zero tolerance for it.

[Bookworm]

I think if you feel strongly about a certain issue or piece of advice you want to offer, then trust your instincts and say what you feel you want to say, despite what others may be posting. Not everyone sings from the same song sheet and perspectives and responses differ from person to person.

However, discerning who really is looking for advice and who is just attention seeking is a good point that both Beaux and East touch on. This can be a challenge when all you have to work with is a username and an avatar.

Being sensitive to others feelings isn't a bad thing, however, the important thing to remember is that you need to maintain a healthy balance and know when to step back and take a breather. Your own well-being is something not to be overlooked mile: