Roommates

[runner0501]

Hi everyone,

I guess I should start off by telling you about me. I'm a college student in my sophomore year, and I know by now that I am gay. It was a realization that took me a long time to come to because I've lived a pretty "straight" life, back home and at school. My family doesn't know, my friends don't know. Even though I hate labels, I guess you could say I'm in the closet.

My sexuality has always been something I've kept private. I didn't talk to my parents about it. I didn't talk to my friends either. I just kind of avoided it altogether, because for a while I didn't know what was "right". Because of all that, I've never done anything sexual beyond kissing. With girls. It's nothing to do with "waiting for the one" or anything, I was just always scared to do anything with a guy, and I was never interested in doing much with girls. So that's pretty much where I stood until a few weeks ago, when I decided to tell my roommate about my sexuality.

My roommate is bisexual, or at least that's what he thinks he is. I think he's still a little unsure where exactly he is on the spectrum, but he came out a few months ago and has since begun dating a guy. He's the only person I've ever told, and I feel really comfortable talking to him. He understands a lot of the things I've been going through and he's honestly amazing to have around.

And after a few days of talking to him, openly, candidly, and about things that I've never said to anyone, I started to realize that I have serious feelings for him. I've been attracted to him the entire year and I've never told him. But recently, for the last few months, I've noticed that I've been thinking about him a lot more. I'm always happiest when I'm with him, and I just feel more comfortable whenever he's around. Even before I told him about my sexuality. I've never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I know I probably fit the young and naive stereotype, but I really, truly think I might love him.

Like I said before though, he's dating someone right now, and I can see that he's happiest when he's with him. He spends nights at his boyfriend's place and he's told me that he really does love him. His boyfriend is here on a scholarship from his university in Egypt though, so in 4 weeks he'll be going back there. They plan to end it on good terms, just a simple breakup, nothing between them really changing except they both recognize that it can't work after he leaves. That'll happen in 4 weeks, when the semester ends. My roommate told me he's never had a relationship like this before -- that it's been amazing -- and he says he's going to be thinking about it for a long time. They plan to not be in contact for a couple of months, but I think it will always be in the back of his mind.

This whole thing has been driving me crazy because all I want to do is tell my roommate how I feel. I want to tell him what he means to me. I think about it so often that I just want to get it off my chest. Just writing it all down now feels great, but all I want to do is tell him, to his face. I would absolutely never try something, even kissing, while he was still dating his boyfriend, but what about just telling him how I feel? I'm so scared of what that would do to our relationship -- like if we could ever have a normal conversation again or if I'd end up driving him away. I just don't know if telling him while he's dating someone is wrong or if I should wait, even though I just want to do it now and get it over with. After he and his boyfriend break up, I'll have 3 days where I'm around him on a beach with a bunch of our friends. Is that the time to tell him? It's so close to their breakup and the last thing I want to do is come off like I don't understand that he just went through something incredibly difficult. After those 3 days, I'm going home and then spending the summer doing volunteer work in Africa. He's going home and spending the summer interning in Spain. We won't see each other at all. Then, next semester, I'll be studying in Germany, and he's rooming with one of our friends back at school. I might be able to come back for a week before classes start in the Fall, but I don't want to wait that long to tell him, nor do I think that me telling him then and leaving for a semester is going to do anything. The reason I want to tell him so badly is because he is going to date someone else after this relationship. He told me that much. I just don't want him to find someone else before I get the chance to tell him how I feel.

I don't know if he has any sort of feelings toward me at all. He's been so happy with his relationship now that I doubt its ever crossed his mind. I don't know if he ever would, but I do know that I want to tell him.

Thank you for your time, and I am so appreciative of any advice you could offer.

Sincerely,
runnner0501

[jbrowder24]

I wouldn't tell him now while he's still dating, and while you're still roommates. It might make him feel weird to be in the room with you if he hasn't thought of you in that way. But perhaps telling him during the beach time would be okay. Keep in mind, that it'd probably be still soon after this guy he loves leaving for him to react as you probably hope, but I can understand not wanting too much time to pass with all the other plans that seem to be going on with studying abroad and such.

I think it's important to remember too that he's the first guy you've really been able to be yourself around, so developing some feelings when he was already a friend seems normal. That doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there. I was a bit of a late bloomer myself and can relate to everything you said with that; you're definitely not alone. But who knows... maybe you'll meet someone during your studies that will wow you. You just never know when you'll meet someone special

[toomuch45]

I wouldn't tell him now while he's still dating, and while you're still roommates. It might make him feel weird to be in the room with you if he hasn't thought of you in that way. But perhaps telling him during the beach time would be okay. Keep in mind, that it'd probably be still soon after this guy he loves leaving for him to react as you probably hope, but I can understand not wanting too much time to pass with all the other plans that seem to be going on with studying abroad and such.

I think it's important to remember too that he's the first guy you've really been able to be yourself around, so developing some feelings when he was already a friend seems normal. That doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there. I was a bit of a late bloomer myself and can relate to everything you said with that; you're definitely not alone. But who knows... maybe you'll meet someone during your studies that will wow you. You just never know when you'll meet someone special

i totally agree with jbrowder

btw welcome to gs im mike if you need anything let me know
enjoy your stay:biggrin:

[Pseudo Rob]

I would always advise against dating or making a move on anybody who you live with. My suggestion is that you come out to everyone at college and join some gay clubs or something. Get to know more gay people and be open with them like you've been open with your roommate.

[BobInTampa]

To be honest, you're in LOVE with the IDEA of being in love. You've shared with him a very important part of who you are and he accepted you for that - and that's very powerful.

It's also part of your first step of truely accepting who you are - and the fact that your roomate is in an LTR makes it easier for you to have these feelings because you know they really can't be reciprocated.

If i were you, i'd find your college's gay/str8 alliance or other gay social group. You need to be exposed to more gay folks (male and female) - you're in a bit of a fishbowl with your roomate. Time to start exploring your new-found world!

ENJOY!

[Miller91]

Hi everyone,

I guess I should start off by telling you about me. I'm a college student in my sophomore year, and I know by now that I am gay. It was a realization that took me a long time to come to because I've lived a pretty "straight" life, back home and at school. My family doesn't know, my friends don't know. Even though I hate labels, I guess you could say I'm in the closet.

My sexuality has always been something I've kept private. I didn't talk to my parents about it. I didn't talk to my friends either. I just kind of avoided it altogether, because for a while I didn't know what was "right". Because of all that, I've never done anything sexual beyond kissing. With girls. It's nothing to do with "waiting for the one" or anything, I was just always scared to do anything with a guy, and I was never interested in doing much with girls. So that's pretty much where I stood until a few weeks ago, when I decided to tell my roommate about my sexuality.

My roommate is bisexual, or at least that's what he thinks he is. I think he's still a little unsure where exactly he is on the spectrum, but he came out a few months ago and has since begun dating a guy. He's the only person I've ever told, and I feel really comfortable talking to him. He understands a lot of the things I've been going through and he's honestly amazing to have around.

And after a few days of talking to him, openly, candidly, and about things that I've never said to anyone, I started to realize that I have serious feelings for him. I've been attracted to him the entire year and I've never told him. But recently, for the last few months, I've noticed that I've been thinking about him a lot more. I'm always happiest when I'm with him, and I just feel more comfortable whenever he's around. Even before I told him about my sexuality. I've never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I know I probably fit the young and naive stereotype, but I really, truly think I might love him.

Like I said before though, he's dating someone right now, and I can see that he's happiest when he's with him. He spends nights at his boyfriend's place and he's told me that he really does love him. His boyfriend is here on a scholarship from his university in Egypt though, so in 4 weeks he'll be going back there. They plan to end it on good terms, just a simple breakup, nothing between them really changing except they both recognize that it can't work after he leaves. That'll happen in 4 weeks, when the semester ends. My roommate told me he's never had a relationship like this before -- that it's been amazing -- and he says he's going to be thinking about it for a long time. They plan to not be in contact for a couple of months, but I think it will always be in the back of his mind.

This whole thing has been driving me crazy because all I want to do is tell my roommate how I feel. I want to tell him what he means to me. I think about it so often that I just want to get it off my chest. Just writing it all down now feels great, but all I want to do is tell him, to his face. I would absolutely never try something, even kissing, while he was still dating his boyfriend, but what about just telling him how I feel? I'm so scared of what that would do to our relationship -- like if we could ever have a normal conversation again or if I'd end up driving him away. I just don't know if telling him while he's dating someone is wrong or if I should wait, even though I just want to do it now and get it over with. After he and his boyfriend break up, I'll have 3 days where I'm around him on a beach with a bunch of our friends. Is that the time to tell him? It's so close to their breakup and the last thing I want to do is come off like I don't understand that he just went through something incredibly difficult. After those 3 days, I'm going home and then spending the summer doing volunteer work in Africa. He's going home and spending the summer interning in Spain. We won't see each other at all. Then, next semester, I'll be studying in Germany, and he's rooming with one of our friends back at school. I might be able to come back for a week before classes start in the Fall, but I don't want to wait that long to tell him, nor do I think that me telling him then and leaving for a semester is going to do anything. The reason I want to tell him so badly is because he is going to date someone else after this relationship. He told me that much. I just don't want him to find someone else before I get the chance to tell him how I feel.

I don't know if he has any sort of feelings toward me at all. He's been so happy with his relationship now that I doubt its ever crossed his mind. I don't know if he ever would, but I do know that I want to tell him.

Thank you for your time, and I am so appreciative of any advice you could offer.

Sincerely,
runnner0501

I think it is important to tell him how you feel. Especially if your are going away to all these differnt countries. You need to get that off of your chest so you can move on with or without him. I can totallly relate to how you feel. I had a guy that I really liked and just coulnt bring myself to tell him that I liked him. Eventually I did. It wasnt exactly what I had invisioned but I got the chance to get how I felt over to him. You have a very busy schedule coming up and so does he.....get what you ahve to say off your chest after this guy is gone...if there isnt enough time tell him anyway before you two part so you can leave to africa with a sound mind.