This......

[Kronis]

I have had too much alone time lately. Its no secret to my close friends that I have been in a state of .......something. But tonight I think I have hit some kind of boiling point.

I was alone in the house and decided to look up something to watch on my laptop. I remembered being told of the Greg Araki film called "Mysterious Skin" so I decided to watch that. It was a great movie and all but The ending had this strange effect on me. Not going to spoil anything but I will say that the ending is this emotional climax of confession and revelation. As one of the lead charactors goes deeper into his own turmoil as he is told the truth he slowly retreats and lays his head on onto the other lead charactor. Not in a sexual way or even romantic way. But in this broken way.
I watched the end of this movie and at first I was rather impressed with the movie but as I sat here I began to have this....craving. I wanted something. I felt SOMETHING. I dont know how to describe it. The movie wasnt the cause. It was the water on the seed. It was a reminder of something there.
I havent moved. I havent spoken. When my sister/roomate came home with my little brother I found myself having to force myself to say simple things such as "Hi" and "thank you". I find that I have to FORCE myself to remember every stroke of this keyboard. Everything and every noise seems to annoy me.
I want to have what I saw in that movie. I want to break down. I never do. Who does? I find myself suddenly needing to scream and throw something. I find myself wanting to just unload without saying a word. I suddenly want to be next to someone. Im never like this. Im not exactly a social butterfly. I dont usually need companionship. But tonight I find myself in this introverted state.

Has anyone else felt this way?

[jbrowder24]

I have felt that way, though I'm also pretty sure I have broken down before. Sometimes feelings get to us, including those periods where we perhaps find ourselves feeling too alone. I hope you're able to get past it in a good way; but you're definitely not alone in how you've felt.

[DRIMO]

Everybody does. It's just that for some (meaning the majority) letting go and losing control doesn't seem possible. The kind of people who religiously follow the unwritten rules of society.

Like what Yuuko Ichihara said: "Normal? What is normal? To do what the masses do? What is the benefit of that? And what is the problem with adopting a custom that is abnormal if it has no negative effect on the world at large?"

Just let it out. Go some place that's secluded and cry or shout, throw rocks, anything.

[XRIMO]

I saw Mysterious Skin too, and the ending had a strange effect on me too. For all troubles I have, it didn't compare to the characters, the pain that they felt. At the time I felt so lost, alone and empty that I empathized so much with them at the end. It was emotional to say the least.

[Kronis]

thanks for the words everyone. I guess Im just at the point where I need to let off steam. Maybe just ttyping it out and having someone else read it was enough. Who knows.

[zeon]

Hello kronis,
I read your post and can only assume that you are locking your emotions within... Films can be a great trigger to make us realise this along with computer games... Maybe take some time to yourself to reflect on yourself as you... Empty your mind of all things bothering you and let emotion come out... If you feel like you want to have a cry then please do... It makes a man a man if he can show emotion.. I find i only get to your state of mind when ive tried to do something and feel failed but i dont fail because i beleive no one is a failure we can do anything if we persist and keep at it... If your fustrated about something just let it out

Kindestb regards

zeon x

[East]

I will have to watch it now..I am curious.

I have definitely felt something similar to what you describe...it was when I watched the film "Eleni". I wanted to scream from deep inside of me but I couldn't do it because no sound came out...i felt the scream though...and I was so surprised by my reaction as nothing like that had ever happened to me before...the ending left me in shock and it would come and go for days..weeks...months...it was a mystery for me to figure out why I had that reaction and it was a mystery that was definitely worth solving...a part of me woke up that had been asleep and I was grateful for that.

It happened again one other time...Angels in America. I am too scared to figure that one out but maybe someday I will watch i again...gonna watch Mysterious Skin now when I get a chance.

[Kronis]

Yes East It was a very good movie. And You are right about being affected for days or weeks or months because yesterday When I though I was over it my dads dog tried to sit on my lap and it made me think of that scene in the movie. So I ended up pushing the dog off my lap involentarily which is odd behavior for me as I can see a dog or cat without doting all over it for 2 hours