Need Some Advice On A Difficult Problem...(ps im confused and its long!)

[TheDeac]

ok i need some help, i guess first thing you need to know is that...im not even close to being open about being bi...I've told a few friends that I am "curious" but only ones that were not that close too me so basically if they reacted badly i could leave without being attached so far they havent and we've become alot closer that being said, i just started a new job no one knows anything about me and has no connection with anyone im close to (and i know ill probably get some crap bc im not ready to come out but thats not easy when you live in the southern states a lot of negative crap around here lol) well there is this one guy at work who i kinda instantly wondered about and he's good looking funny all that ive worked my way to get to were we talk almost everyday we work lol well one of the few friends ive made at work is actually really close friends with him and he recently went out of town and asked about me (he is gay btw) and asked her to find out what my status is lol he's shy like me but there are other reasons for him asking (like the fact that he's one of my managers....) and that problem complicates things i really would like to start out as friends and just talk and get close and see what happens much like i do when i date girls but the hard part is he's my manager and he's also a 'he" so knowing im not ready to come out...but wanting to at the very least let him know and get close so i have a real friend in real life thats gay is starting to make me wanna do this lol i guess what i need help on is jsut the fact that he is my manager and im just not ready at ALL but i dont wanna miss my chance feel free to ask any questions actually please do i need to talk bout it!

[jbrowder24]

If he wasn't your manager, I'd definitely say go for it... since he is, that's a bit tougher. If things say started off good but then went bad, do you think you could still work with him? Any other departments with different managers you could go to, or other places you might be able to work? It's good to think through your options.

Speaking of which... is your manager fully out then? Do you think you could come out and date him, without coming out altogether... that he'd be understanding? And if you do end u coming out more, it might be good to have someone supportive and understanding during the process, if he is. If this is a good thing, try not to miss it due to fear.

Though I haven't known someone in your situation, I will say that I've known a lot of co-workers who have dated - both those that have lasted, and those that haven't. Things get more complicated with lower vs upper employees due to potential for lawsuits, etc., but it's one of the most common places to end up meeting someone, so I wouldn't rule it out just because of the work angle.

Good luck figuring out what feels right for you

[TheDeac]

well he actually isnt my manager he's in a different department and im sure we could get along and i know he doesnt tell everyone at work he's gay he doesnt want them to know but he is out lol (and i should be getting a promotion soon) but its just scary as can be lol plus we'd have to keep (if it happened) the relation on the down low lol we'd have to honestly but im freaking terrified what if it goes wrong? (another luckily my parents will be leaving this town soon so ill be here alone lol )

[Jfierce]

I would be very careful if I were you. Most companies today discourage any manager or supervisor from dating employees because it opens them up to sexual harassment charges. Other employees may file a suite because they believe you received promotions due to favoritism. In many states you can legally be fired just for being gay. I would weigh out all the advantages and disadvanteges and go from there.

[zeon]

Hello there,
Well his your manager whos got a crush on you... Aunty Zeon would in circumstances advise not going there however... You dont have anything in stone that says you cant??? Well here is what id do... Id confess to his friend your sexuality as Bi.. If you dont go there then thats fine however if you do you must stress to him that you and him are collegues at work and Must work together for whats best for the company you work for... Remind him that your not here to score brownie points your at work to work and outside of work you can relate to him. Request him to not treat you any different from any other member of staff to avoid any friction within the work place being created that may end up with him risking his job.. Tell him you are willing to see how things go and be honest with each other... I work in a work place where my manager has had sex with another collegue 3 ranks below on my level and I have also gone to a sauna and bumped into my area manager who no one knew was gay... My ex boyfriend slept with my supervisor so even though he turns my stomach over I still maintain Its about being professional...

Many people say work and lesiure dont mix however they can if you allow them to do so in a professional manner =)

Go for it my son and enjoy whatever life throws but take into account what aunty Zeon has told ya

*removes dress*

Kindest regards

zeon x

[TheDeac]

Ok cool i don't think it's a conflict if interest bc he has nO control over my pay or promotions like I said he's a manager not mine lol and when I got to work this morning I was really suprised how excited I was to see his car lol and how excited I was to see that we work together most the week lol still really nervous though but I guess that won't go away till I know what I'm going to do for sure but I like the idea of keeping it work at work and friends/maybe more outside lol thanks once again I like to talk stuff out so any more input is always welcome

[zeon]

No P[roblem nevber hide a problem as someone ere if not the agony aunt will be able to help

[TheDeac]

thanks again lol i guess ill just have to find out how to do it now lol