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04-05-2011, 05:07 PM

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months now. He is 44 and i am 22, but it is an incredibly committed and genuine relationship. We have had some issues in the beginning (just concerns, nothing actually happening), but have really figured most everything out and it has been getting smoother and smoother. We are both very physically attracted to each other, have a lot in common and some things not. We both recognize how good it feels to be together and really enjoy spending time with each other (usually together 4-5 nights a week). I am a senior at UTK studying logistics and will be graduating soon, so this is not a sugar daddy setup as I will be starting my career soon. Here is my problem...

He has been looking for someone since he came out when he was 30 and it just hasn't worked for him. He has been in numerous relationships for 3-4 months and only 1 relationship lasting 6 months, so something lasting 10 months is new to both of us. I, on the other hand, have been on 2 "dates" with other men, but haven't been in a real relationship before him. Lately I have been worrying about the way he is feeling. I haven't been able to enjoy the past few weeks, simply because I worry about him realizing he is too good for me and wanting to move on or that he just isn't interested anymore. It makes me want to withdraw from our relationship, but I know that isn't the answer. We had a long talk about this last night and he claims to really want a relationship with me and has told me several times he wants to be with me more so than anyone he has ever dated, but also makes it clear he cannot make any type of commitment ( and no we are not talking about marriage lol ). I know I cannot predict how I will feel years from now, but I cannot imagine being with someone else. He is exactly what I want. The problem is that I am terrified of a broken heart. I feel stronger and stronger about wanting to be with him, but in turn feel worse because I am so worried about how much i have invested emotionally in this relationship. My worries sometimes even get in between us. I am so sure of my feelings for him and just worry he isn't feeling the same way. I am much more vocal than he is about the way I feel which i think contributes to my insecurity, but he is also much more closed off due to failed previous relationships so that is understandable.

Anyone have any advice?

04-05-2011, 05:21 PM

I am terrified of a broken heart

My advice ...it starts and ends with this so attack this fear and you will be OK. Fears can cripple you and it sounds as though this has had a crippling effect on you so now that you have done the first step in bringing it out of the dark...put it on the table and look at it. Your mind will feed the fear and feed it with irrational thoughts so you need to process and overcome it as soon as possible because in the end....the thing you should fear ironically is your fear and not what he might do. Good Luck!

04-05-2011, 05:32 PM

I agree...if you continue to dwell on the fear it will manifest itself. Instead focus your energy on things that will make you a great partner. Make new friends, get involved in the community, focus on your career, do new and exciting things together, think of ways to make the relationship new and exciting, keep him guessing as to what's going to happen next. In other words make yourself so interesting and intriguing that he would be crazy to look elsewhere. And if he does then you will be in a good place for the next guy who comes along.

Genersis · 04-05-2011, 05:44 PM

Relax Murkn.
There is no need to worry about the relationship not working out. As from what i can tell from what you have written, the only thing that COULD jeopardise your relationship right now IS this worry.

I'm not saying things wont come up in the future, but if something does, you will KNOW when the relationship isn't working out(Or at least when there is a problem in your relationship).

At least, that's my opinion on your situation.
But i haven't been in a relationship, so perhaps my advice should be taken with a pinch of salt.

fredv3b · 04-05-2011, 05:54 PM

You need to trust him when he says he wants to be with you, without trust no relationship will work.

04-05-2011, 08:04 PM

Just let it be dont really force it... If you have these thoughts it makes you more and more isolated and its not good for both of you!
As long as he loves you and you love him back dont stay at your fears Wink

Good luck!

04-05-2011, 08:41 PM

Dude! Just let it all be and enjoy it! If you are always shielding your heart, you protect yourself not only from heartbreak but from loving too. That's what love is all about - giving yourself fully to the one you feel is perfect and getting heartbroken from time to time. This is not to say that this relationship will necessarily end with you being devastated.
But you need to stop worrying. Life is for living and not worrying. Take risks and love the guy. And believe him when he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you, he really does. Enjoy every single moment of your time with him and be happy. You have absolutely nothing to fear. :]

04-05-2011, 09:10 PM

Hello there,
It sounds to me like your both honest with each other which is good.. You both know where your standing in this relationship so as long as you both continue to maintain the relationship withn highest respect your get on ok within it... Dont worry about anything because worry can break dopwn alot of things and take eacgh day as it comes.. If it happens to ever end im sure you can both work on being friends its what me and me ex did.. As you both grow older your find your both change within time your have your ups and downs but the main thing is as soon as you have had a domestic or a bicker you BOTH apologize you dont do one sided apology as it has to be both of you to be neautral... Just keep things neatural and not rock the apple cart then your find your be lovers forever Smile

Kindest regards

zeon xx

04-06-2011, 11:35 PM

Just find another one! Who you feel good with.

04-07-2011, 04:29 AM

Hi

I wanna let you know that i felt the exact same way not that long ago.
It's a little different because my boyfriend now, it is it first relationship and I was scared that he would find something better than me. But what he made me realize was that instead of me just trying to protect him, I was being extremely smothering and acting as like i was a parent rather than a boyfriend. When i realized to myself that he was 100 percent committed, things changed and now our relationship is better than when it actually started. Give him some trust a little bit and know that even though he has been in a few relationships, doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you. I've been in 4 relationships prior to my boyfriend now, and with him, I found what i was finally looking for and it sounds that your boyfriend feels that way about you.
Hope this makes you feel better and if you ever need to talk about it, private message me and i would be happy to talk about it with you Smile

- Tyler