Hi everyone. I am a married man. My wife has told me that she thinks she is bi and that she has been talking to girls on line. She says that the feeling is very strong but wants to block them out and stay with me(which I want) but now it has started me questioning my own sexuality. I have often fantasised about being with a man and I have told my wife this as she needed to know that I understand how she feels. All this is very confusing. Has anyone been through this? Should I let her go and fulfill her desire and maybe my own or should we work at saving our marriage? Please please help, Allan
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Allan, are there any children involved? That would be my first question...
What you both find exciting to pursue sexually speaking is a matter between adults, and will be connected with each other's degree of permissiveness. If you let your wife pursue her fantasy, and she lets you pursue yours, why not? As long as you agree, I don't think there will be any harm in it. You might even find that it brings you, as a couple, a bit of what's been missing in recent times and may rekindle your love and desire for each other.
If you have children, however, you'll be wanting to consider them and how this might affect their lives. So think about it, and set the rules between you. How far are you ready to let your wife get her fantasy. Do you want to witness it or let her have it privately? Can it become part of you sexual play?
The same questions apply to you. How far do you consider it her business what you might do with another man?
In any case the rule of staying safe in sex play seems paramount if you are to keep each other risk free.
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There is two young children involved. We have been together for just over 7 years and married for nearly 2 years. There is a big age gap, I am 36 and she is 24. I have known deep down about her feelings towards women and have often asked her if she would like someone to join us. She says that she would want it to be private and i did give my blessing at first but have since changed my mind, so confused. I have for along time fantasised about being with a man but thought it would never happen as i am married and wanted to stay faithful. Now I have told her about me she thinks its not right? I understand her feelings so and she must understand mine if she feels the same way? I did have a good friend who was married with children and he came out and he was happy. Now I want Jessica(my wife) to be happy even if it means we split but she says she will try and block her thoughts out and stay with me which I think is wrong for both of us. All i know is that I should of explored my sexuality before i got married. Have any of you come across this problem with anybody you know?
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I cant say that I have ever stumbled across your exact situation before, but I am sure your not completely alone either. I can relate to you in that I wish I had done more exploration before marriage but hey youth is youth. I agree with you that it doesnt sound all that healthy for your wife to just supress it all. I think that perhaps you guys would benefit from seeing a counselor. I know that people often reject the idea of professional help out of hand but having a third (professionally trained) person to act as a sounding board and mediator can give a couple a distince advantage in objective communication.
Best of Luck.
Beaux
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You are so right beaux, we are seeing a counselor a week on Tuesday. Jessica has been totally honest with me today and says she loves me and wants to stay with me. But as you can imagine, I am very confused and hurt. Please keep the advice coming as I am listening x
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Chat box, Allan, if you want to talk, at the bottom of the page.. I've opened one for you.
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Did you want the kids, Allan, or did Jessica want them?
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It doesn't sound fair if she wants to explore but is not prepared to allow you the same thing. When I finally realised I wasn't straight I went through a brief period of assuming I was bi. I decided eventually that I was more comfortable identifying as gay ... which might possibly explain why I missed completely the odd woman who apparently was throwing herself my way. I have been laughed at more than once because of my lack of awareness on this score. :redface:
I'll admit I don't understand the tensions a bisexual person deals with. I guess that, for some, monogamy works, what ever the sex, while there must be others who need to look outside a relationship for what they feel they are not getting within it.
Only you and your wife can decide whether your marriage is something you both want to save. It would need both of you to put in the work though. I would suggest that swinging with a couple or couples in a similar situation might work, but I would love to know what you would tell the babysitter!
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Need the babysitter know???
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