Hey there everyone... Im 25 and pretty sure by now that im bi. I am attracted to men and women to the same extent. I have not told a single soul that Im bi but I recently moved to Ohio and moved in with my aunt and uncle. Long story short, I moved here on a whim, and two years later still living at my uncles (they don't want me to move out, and I don't mind it). I have not been with a girl since I moved here and had my first experience with a guy about a year after arriving here. I am pretty sure that my aunt is questioning my sexuality, not openly, as I have become very close with her. Although I have not giving the indication of being bi at all. She has just over the last few months as conversed more with me about "gay" topics. This kinda makes me feel like I want to come out of the closet about it. To her maybe first. The problem that I am going back in forth in my mind is that I really feel like I want to meet "the one" I have never been the type for one night stands, or dating someone that I knew was not going to last. But my biggest fear is that I want to have a family and kids someday, and I don't know if I can do that if "the one" turns out to be a guy... Also I try to be as honest with everyone as possible and I want to be able to express my self freely wether it is with a girl or guy. But how do I make it clear that I want a life long partner, and that Im bi. I have never heard of that before and I think that if that if I was straight, and I fell in love with a girl that told me she was bi, I would wonder if it would be possible to be married and have kids, etc. That is probably why I have not dated since I moved to Ohio. How does one date both guys and girls? I have different views about guys and girls and like qualities of each. I like the way girls are girly, and I like the manly side of men? I cant see my self with a guy that acts feminine, but if "the one" is male, will I miss the girly parts of a straight relationship? Any advice would help, and thanks for reading my post.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Hey, welcome to gayspeak!
I am not sure how to answer all your questions. Some may depend on location... certainly some people, dating wise, will be understanding and open to someone who identifies as bi, while others won't and will judge. But if you're being honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather have someone that can accept you? I think it's great that you like different qualities in men and women. I am just gay myself but sometimes wish I was bi because it would open up the field so much more haha.
As for kids... obviously it's a bit more complicated for two men to figure out their options, but it is still possible via adoption, surrogates, etc. Also, perhaps you'll meet a fellow guy who already has kids, either because he too is bi or because he was in denial. There's quite a few gay and bi parents out there and there's no reason to think you couldn't be one too if this is important to you, though obviously you'd want a partner, of either gender, who also has a desire to start a family someday.
As for your question of would you miss one aspect... well maybe you would but that's why being in love with someone, when you believe in monogamy and such, is about commitment. If you wanted to remain open to both, you could be more flexible and seek an open partnership, but it doesn't sound like this is what you seek to me. Even for those that are 100 percent straight or gay, that doesn't mean they get married then never wonder about other men or women; it's natural... ultimately you'll have to do what feels right for you when you do meet the one, whomever he or she may be.
If your aunt is supportive then that is a great start... I wish you luck with all that! I am curious about if your parents are in the picture though? If the aunt and uncle were more of an escape then I understand telling them first, but if it was more about location and you're still close to your parents, are you ready to tell them as well?
Good luck
•
Hi, I M also Bi and I hope I can B helpfull.
U obviosly want 2 B a father some day. U want children & grandchildren. This means U must marry a woman. Women almost always and without exception, demand fidelity. Once they feel U R committed to them, they will never allow U any kind of sexual freedom. They see their position and the security of their children as dependant upon a dedicated father; dedicated to them & nobody else. This is a plain and hard fact.
I can also tell U that sex with guys is a totally different experience than sex with women. I find the sex & romance with healthy, strong, horney guys to B far more versitile and satisfying. (Guys have much more 2 play with). Real love I have only felt for annother guy.
I respect women, but I trust men more than I trust women. Men R totally honest about their needs. Women are more deceatfull and manipulative by nature. Women through curves. Men pitch streight. 2 men simply have more in common. Female sexuality can B a strange rollercoaster. Once a woman has children, her hormones start acting up in strange ways. Their personalities can change in suprizing ways.
U R still young and lack experience. Please keep all this in mind. Having a wife & children requires a significant ability 2 compromize.
Those R your choices ! Good Luck ! B carefull !
•
DOMITIAN Wrote:... U want children & grandchildren. This means U must marry a woman. ... No it doesn't.
•
Hi. Welcome to the forum. Having childern is a very rewarding experience and I highly recomend it. However, there is a time and place for everything. I became a father much too young, and though I love my son, I honestly believe I would have been a better parent if I have waited longer. That said, today there are many many more options avaliable to gay/bisexual men that wish to parent. Dont limit yourself in your relationships because your under the impression that the only way to have a family is to "settle" for a monagomus relationship with a woman. Follow your heart in matters of the heart and the question of family will work itself out on its own. I try not to involve my family in my posts on here (particullary not my child) but my son will be 18 this year and I am begining to feel the "empty nest" thing. I am seriously considering at this time wether I want to raise another child, and if I decide to, it wont be by marrying another woman. There are a lot of options avaliable if your established and financially secure. If your neither of those things, you really dont need to be thinking bout kids anyway untill you are.
Best of luck!
•
Beaux Wrote:Hi. Welcome to the forum. Having childern is a very rewarding experience and I highly recomend it. However, there is a time and place for everything. I became a father much too young, and though I love my son, I honestly believe I would have been a better parent if I have waited longer. That said, today there are many many more options avaliable to gay/bisexual men that wish to parent. Dont limit yourself in your relationships because your under the impression that the only way to have a family is to "settle" for a monagomus relationship with a woman. Follow your heart in matters of the heart and the question of family will work itself out on its own. I try not to involve my family in my posts on here (particullary not my child) but my son will be 18 this year and I am begining to feel the "empty nest" thing. I am seriously considering at this time wether I want to raise another child, and if I decide to, it wont be by marrying another woman. There are a lot of options avaliable if your established and financially secure. If your neither of those things, you really dont need to be thinking bout kids anyway untill you are.
Best of luck!
Before you know it, you'll be grandfather, Beaux, and maybe you could have the joys of having a child without some of the hassles, by just having your grandchildren to stay over.
•
princealbertofb Wrote:Before you know it, you'll be grandfather, Beaux, and maybe you could have the joys of having a child without some of the hassles, by just having your grandchildren to stay over.
HISSSSSS! Shut your mouth! lol I am MUCH too young to be a grandfather! :tongue:
•
Beaux Wrote:HISSSSSS! Shut your mouth! lol I am MUCH too young to be a grandfather! :tongue: Indeed you are. I had to wait until I was 46 
•
Beaux Wrote:HISSSSSS! Shut your mouth! lol I am MUCH too young to be a grandfather! :tongue:
Lol, Beaux, I was only saying that precisely because of Marshlander's experience... it happened sooner than he thought. And yes, you are too young to be a grandfather but you'll have to let your son be the judge of that, unfortunately... hehehe.
•
My only suggestion is to try the best of both worlds before you commit to a relationship and have kids of your own. I remember dwelling for so long on the notion that I needed to grow up and marry a woman, have kids of my own, and live happily until I die. Then I snapped out of it and realized that I wouldn't do that to another person. I may love her genuinely, but sooner or later, I'll just break and I'll come out to her. I can't imagine living with a woman for 40+ years (assuming it lasts that long), then coming out to her, wasting pretty much a big portion of her life. She could've married someone else "genuinely straight" to be with her and love her forever. I think I'm digressing a bit, but anyways, I realized that adoption is a pretty reasonable option, considering there's thousands of kids out there who're stuck in orphanages...
Your call ultimately, but I'm just saying you should try relationships with both men and women, and weigh out the future possibilities before committing to something that may follow you the rest of your life. Also, if you feel you're close enough to your aunt, then I'm sure there'll be a time and place where you'll just let her know about your romantic preferences. 
•
|
Younger new guy here
