In a jam.

[XRIMO]

Well, I have a slight problem, and I'm hoping that I'm not the only one. This is going to sound silly, but I am actually being serious. I am an introvert. Most of the people I have met who claim to be intorverts are mostly borderline introverts, meaning they have slight introverted tendencies, but for the most part they are extroverted. I seem to have extremely little extrovertedness, and I find it a struggle not only to talk to someone I don't know, I find it difficult even to talk to people I do know. I mean it becomes a task for me even to make polite conversation with my roommate.

If you don't know what it means to be an introvert, I do suggest googling it and seeing what information you can find. I have actually spoken to many people about it, and I am indeed an extreme introvert. This has become a major problem, because even though I want sometimes to say hello or start a conversation with someone, I just can't. It seriously holds me back from ever talking and trying to meet someone to go out with.

Here are my questions:
Is there anyone who is as introverted as I am? And can you tell me some ways you've learned to deal with it?

[spotysocks]

I also find it difficult talking to new people and sometimes talking to close friends even but only about personal things which makes some more sense. You are sure not alone in this boat.

Think of the reasons you are introverted and start taking them down one by one.

What i find to be helpful is to smile. Not the embarrassed kind of smile but the happy smile not to say confident.
When you have a smile people approach you easier and you dont necessarily have to make the first step. Keep the conversation simple and i d suggest let the other people do the talking till you start to feel more free and open up a little more.

It's important not to set mental limits or blocks to yourself on what you can do. You dont have to be good in everything , no one is. Mistakes are always in the plan.
When you want to strike up a conversation with someone new or someone you are not used to talk to much have a few basic and safe questions the type: How was your day or Where you come from , How far is it , what have you been up to ect. They work.

If you dont do well with confidence you boost this up by trying something new as in an activity . Join a group or a team of something you like to learn and practice new skill and also the very important social skills.

[XRIMO]

Think of the reasons you are introverted and start taking them down one by one.

I like this suggestion. I never really thought about it that way. Yeah, introversion can be a pain in the butt. Thanks spotysocks!

[Rob]

Well, I have a slight problem, and I'm hoping that I'm not the only one. This is going to sound silly, but I am actually being serious. I am an introvert. Most of the people I have met who claim to be intorverts are mostly borderline introverts, meaning they have slight introverted tendencies, but for the most part they are extroverted. I seem to have extremely little extrovertedness, and I find it a struggle not only to talk to someone I don't know, I find it difficult even to talk to people I do know. I mean it becomes a task for me even to make polite conversation with my roommate.

If you don't know what it means to be an introvert, I do suggest googling it and seeing what information you can find. I have actually spoken to many people about it, and I am indeed an extreme introvert. This has become a major problem, because even though I want sometimes to say hello or start a conversation with someone, I just can't. It seriously holds me back from ever talking and trying to meet someone to go out with.

Here are my questions:
Is there anyone who is as introverted as I am? And can you tell me some ways you've learned to deal with it?

:O meee! i'm like that sigh

[Sui]

I know that problem well. Although when you stay up for hours on end playing videogames, it simulates drunken-ness. With that power, I'm able to make a complete moron out of myself and this is usually when I talk to people and/or ask them out.

Now, I don't suggest this, but it's what I do. And usually it's by accident, and leads to much worse things happening. SO, probably the best idea of what helps me is being around people who A: I know I can trust, and B: being able to relate on many levels. The relation part makes talking a bit easier, because then you don't get awkward situations (such as telling a straight guy how hot you think so-and-so is... it gets veeeery awkward).


But aside from that... I don't really know, those are my two methods... albeit talking to people through text is much easier also, because you know that the other person can't see your reactions... or punch you really really hard...

[wouldlikemuscle]

I am very much a shy / quiet / lacking self-esteem and confidence / introverted person.
I too find it hard to strike up convos, even with my close mates.

As to why? I don't really know, I've always been like it really since I was much younger. My school reports always had the line "needs to participate more in discussions".
I even find small-talk awkward, because after a while it feels like you're asking the same old stuff all the time.
When it comes to trying to get into deeper stuff, then it usually fails completely. My brain has the opinions and everything there, it just can't translate it into spoken word.

[Shadow]

Whilst I'm socially retiring and reasonably shy, I'm not introverted - however quite a few of my mates and the people I speak to on a regular basis are. I know one guy who cannot even enter a shop to buy himself a paper without cracking up, and all he would have to say to the guy is "thanks" after he gets his change, so that's what I'd call extremely acute introvertedness ...

I agree with spotysocks' very detailed and well thought-out post. If you're able to identify the reasons that are making you this way, then you can start to outline ways of improving upon them ... so I'd begin by asking yourself questions like :-

"Do you find conversing with other people boring ?"
"Are you afraid deep-down that you're going to say something they will make fun of you for ? As in you might make yourself look stupid in their eyes ?"
"Do you think that people look down their noses at you because you don't interact with them ?"

... and so on.

Quite often it's the demons we make for ourselves that are the obstacles. For example, it's quite possible that people don't speak to you, not because they think you're strange or intimidating, but because they can quite obviously see how shy you are, and they just don't want to make YOU feel intimidated by having to speak in what you might consider to be a pressured-situation ... see ?

Whereas you might actually look at the same situation and think "they think I'm a loser" or something similar.

The bottom line is that this scenario you are experiencing does not make you a lesser person - it does not make you a loser, and it does not make you some sort of social smacktard. It's just another facet of the greater you and, as with any other aspect of your personality, you can learn from it, and exercise a degree of control over it, once you better understand it.

Consider which (if any) social settings you're more comfortable with ... for example how do YOU find it when you go shopping for groceries ? Or when you put yourself in other social situations where you have very minimal levels of interaction to engage in ...

If you're fine with those then you can look to the next level up, and so on and so forth.

I really hope that doesn't come across as being at all overbearing - I have this really irritating friend that is one of those "oh THAT'S your problem ? Well THIS is what you must do to get over it" (no matter what the problem is - it could be me not being able to open a jar of picked onions from the fridge to me not being able to graduate for NASA's Space Program" - she is SO irritating that girl ... lol) - I'm not a counsellor - that's just how I see it

BIG hug,

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

xx

[XRIMO]

wouldlikemuscle: I completely understand. I do the same thing all the time. I will have some awesome arguement to present to the class, but when I start to speak, it just disappears into thin air. Unless I'm reading from something, I hate being on the spot.

shadow: thank you so much for you wonderful response. I always tell myself that I'm not a loser and that I shouldn't be so uptight when it comes to talking to others. I think the problem is deeply embedded in my youth when I was a social outcast because I lived in a trailer park with my parents rather than an expensive home. I was always teased and picked on, and I began hating to interact with anyone because I figured they would do the same.

I did get away from it and I keep telling myself that I will meet very few people like that, but I'm still paranoid and would rather keep quiet than be verbally assaulted in anyway. Everyone I meet now tells me that I should talk more, because I have such interesting ideas and stories to tell. I try to talk, but I start censoring what I'm saying according to the person I'm talking to.

I will try to do some of things you have suggested, but I realize that it is a purely mental issue I have to deal with. Thanks again for the support.

[Shadow]

No worries dude - I hope it helps some

For what it's worth, whilst it is something that ultimately it's you that is going to have to overcome, you will only be able to do it with the aid of others, by which I mean you're going to need to experience a reasonably large number of positives for you to be able to satisfy yourself of that which you already know deep-down - namely that whilst there are many, MANY @ssholes out there in the world, there are an equal number if not considerably MORE really nice, genuine people ...

Once you've found your feet by starting to become socially more relaxed, and more comfortable dealing with those people that ARE cool, and who DO care about you and really genuinely WANT to hear what you have to say about any given issue, then you will have the basis for being able to look upon those people that WOULD challenge you and say "well if that's your opinion then fine, but I won't waste MY time with you as I've better things to be doing" (or similar).

Once you've reached that sort of plateau, you'll have little- to no-trouble dealing with strangers, and then you'll have hit paydirt.

If it helps you to compare it with another model, it's only subtly different to coming out ... you've got a lot of the same aspects to that situation to face (the inherent apprehension and/or fear of what people will say to you, how they will treat you, how they'll feel about you, whether you'll scare them off, and so on and so forth).

Comparing your situation on some level (not EVERY level granted) with that might help you to draw comparisons, and thereby bolster your confidence in yourself ...

Here if you need me, and I'm glad you didn't think me overbearing

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

xx