Hello, I'm new to this site. I occasionally read threads/posts here and there, but never posted myself. I'm 22, gay, and live in the suburbs near NYC. I just graduate college and am wondering the obvious question "What Next?" I guess I just would like to know what some of the people on here have done once they were in their early 20's and ready to move out. The Main thing holding me back is Money! I'd like to move to the city, but it's expensive as hell! and I'm still looking for a good job. I've been thinking of endless possibilities, Should I travel europe for a little bit? maybe go somewhere for a week this summer, like Provincetown, Fire Island, or Somewhere. I guess I'm just confused as to what I really Want in my life. I came out 2 years ago, I have mostly straight friends, and I just kind of feel alone, and different from my social groups. my mom and everyone in my family is supportive, my friends are supportive, but I just can't help thinking there's this void inside me. If I did travel Europe, or travel somewhere, I'd probably end up doing it by myself, because I don't really have anyone who's willing to do something like that. I don't even know if it's plausible/realistic because IF I traveled somewhere, I'd end up spending tons of money, and then when I come back, I'd be stuck in the same position, Home, and looking for jobs, and barely anything in the savings account.
I keep telling myself, take it easy, and take it one day at a time, good things will come if I'm patient, but I can't help it, I'm a Restless person! ... But it's kinda hard, when for the most part all I'm doing is working, then coming home and staring at my computer monitor. I guess I just want a social group I feel comfortable around, even though all my friends know I'm gay, I just can't help thinking obsessively (do I sound gay, are my mannerisms gay?) and that's probably from remaining in the closet for many years, I just got so accustomed to pretending I was straight, it's like How should I act now? who am I now that I came out?
I've just been going through a really tough time lately, and each day is a struggle with myself and my future...
any advice is greatly appreciated...
Thanks,
-Ross
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Wow...I really don't have good advice for you, all I can say is life is a struggle and that never changes and I think you're young enough were any choices probably won't have life long lasting effects.
So the best advice I can give you is to stay out if prison and try not to be an asshole. Anything beyond that would require like some kind of super power or maybe a magic crystal ball.
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Ok Ross,
You are actually in a great place. Don't worry there are a bunch of people your age who haven't quite figured out what they want to do and that's ok. Life is an adventure and a journey and you have so many opportunities ahead of you.
I think if you can take a year or six months to explore Europe you should absolutely do so but with a few caveats as follows:
1. This is going to be the beginning of your career. You are going to use the time to help you figure out what you love and what you hate.
2. Set some very specific goals like you will learn a language, you will visit x many museums, you will taste different foods, you will take some classes etc.
3. You must journal or blog daily or weekly and take photos so you capture your experience.
4. Try your hardest to meet and make friends with locals and have them show you some of the sights.
5. Check out a website called couchsurfers. It is very popular in Europe and you can use it to stay free in many places. And there is a gay forum with many gay members that you can befriend.
6. Have a great adventure, reflect on what you got out of the experience and use it to help you figure out your goals and career.
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Hey Ross...
Regarding the travel, it depends on you and your money. Don't waste all your savings on it because you don't know what might happen down the line and it's good to have some reserves, but if money isn't an issue, now might be the time to do it while you are young before you do get in the working world.
I am curious what you majored in? I know a lot of people that ended up in different jobs than what they majored in, so it doesn't always matter... sometimes life leads us down different paths than we expect.
Did you change your mannerisms a lot to fit in? I too have had mostly straight friends, but I didn't really change how I acted. Some knew I was gay before I did as a result, though others were clueless as I am overall just an average guy. Anyway, if you changed to fit in, I'm not quite sure what to tell you, but it'd probably be easiest on you to be yourself. Hopefully all your friends can accept that. And as for who are you now that you came out - you're still you! There's all types of gay guys out there; coming out may change how we act if we were hiding it, but it doesn't change who we are (besides possibly making us stronger).
Being out of college can be an adjustment. I lived in the dorms and was quite social, then found myself having trouble meeting new friends out of the college environment. But there are ways to meet people, especially in this age of social media, and at least you live close to NYC, quite an advantage over me in rural Iowa for possibilities and opportunities! Still, there is a concept known as the quarterlife crisis ... everyone knows of the midlife one, but the quarterlife one isn't known about as much despite being a very real thing many people go through. We all get these ideas of what life should be like growing up... and sometimes we reach the point of having a job etc. and it's not as we imagined. But I think in a way that's also when we begin to really learn to start appreciating life more... figure out what and who truly makes us happy.
Regarding moving into the city but held back because of money... do you live close enough that you could job search and go in for interviews, and then once you know you have found something with a decent salary, move into the city? You could consider roommates and other cost-savers as well.
Anyway those are just some thoughts to start with, hope they help and you're definitely not alone in being confused post-college, good luck!
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Hey Ross, I agree with Jfierce. If your not ready for the working world, then take time to explore yourself and life itself. Your in a much better position as I am since your still so young and openly gay. You have your while life ahead of you so if you can, do the back packing thing, it will be a real eye opener, one which I would've loved to do if I could when I was your age.
Also don't act, just be yourself. Be good to people and make new friends.
I would also love to live in the heart of the city cause I know I would love it but yeah it freaking expensive! Jules
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I majored in tv-production, thanks for the advice everyone. I'm just trying to enjoy where I'm at in life right now, but it's hard when I'm constantly thinking about what will be in the future, and how my choices/decisions affect me. And as far as backpacking Europe, I'm still uncertain about that whole idea as I'd be spending lots of money, and also can't realistically see myself wandering around foreign countries by myself. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time, and save as much money as possible for whatever I DO plan to do in the future.
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Yeah, it's definitely hard to figure out what you really want to do after you graduate university. You got like everything let go and now you can just choose to do anything you want, no homework, no assignments due. I'm still in college but I'm in kind of similar situation with you. I'm completely lost with my life. Anyways, taking on journey or a trip is great way to find what you really want. Money would be the first problem, bu you can find a job and save up for it. of you can take on a trip without money. Here's a site that I found a month ago, I'm planning onto taking on a journey to find myself as well!
Free Travel
Friends would also be a problem. Finding someone to go to a trip is definitely hard because of their schedules and money and time stuffs. But then, you can always go to a committee or something and meet people to see if anyone wants to go with you. After all even if you take a trip alone, you can always make friends in while traveling. Keep their connections tight, and you might be able to find someone you go with you during your trip. I believe the trip to finding yourself should be taken alone at first because you are letting yourself go from everything and truly find what you really want to do in life.You could also do a coast to coast trip in US with a car. That way some of your friends might be up for it! You can visit a lot of places that you haven't visited in your country and see it in different ways. You could also do it by walking, which takes 2 years. lol. Good luck with finding what you really want to do! Hope you can find yourself along the way!
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Obviously U have been working hard in school and R ready for a fun vacation.
I may B able to help with some advise here. I M a world traveller. I just got back from a trip all the way around the globe. I flew eastward from California, visited Central Europe, Moscow, Thailand, Hong Kong & then returned to San Francsico.
Visiting a country alone, where U don't speak the language, is not a good idea if U R lonely. Europe is very expensive, with the exception of Eastern & Southern Europe. Lots of people speak English in Budapest. They have a great Gay scene in Budapest, with nice clubs. Craigslist-Budapest has apartments very cheap. Bangkok Thailand is very hectic, I do not recommend it at all. They say Pataya Thailand is better. Latin America is fine if U speak some Spanish. I hear Jamaica is nice, (NYC to Jamaica is cheap). they speak English, but U must stay near Montego Bay, otherwise it can be dangerous. But It does not sound like U can afford that much travel. I do not suggest U travel alone. U will only feel more alone.
I think U need to find some new gay friends your age. Maybe U could visit San Francisco!
I M sure U would make new friends fast here. There is a huge Gay sccene, and UR only 22 yrs old.
I M sure U would have a great time.
A plane ticket to San Francisco from JFK is one of the cheapest plane tickets U can buy.
I hope my info is helpfull 2 U.
I wish U all the best luck !
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Hello Ross,
First of all, would you consider going into New York and getting yourself a job in waiting for instance? You could be making money waiting tables, (I know, it's probably quite a tough job but you could be making tips if you are any good and saving money to do something fun).
There are also plenty of opportunities in New York to do free things, that will be both entertaining and sociable. I bet there is a guide of free things to do.
You might think of sharing an apartment or house with people and thus reduce the cost of living.
You would also be able to join some groups to do an activity or learn a new skill. I'm thinking, for instance, if you like singing, why not try to join the New York Gay choir??? You'd soon make friends. You could join an acting group, or a biking group or a knitting group, whatever strikes your fancy.
By being in the waiting business, you could apply in places like Fire Island or Provincetown, or even bigger places such as New York, Boston etc... and you'd probably meet people, because you'd be in contact with people all day long.
The question is: can you take orders? are you a fast learner and do you enjoy giving service?
What's more, you might enrole in a course to learn a European language and then you might become an assistant in one of our school in Europe... for about 6-7 months, it is a paid job, you get to perfect your language, work with children and teachers and visit the country or countries... think about it. It would be a way of working officially and studying abroad. So not such a loss of money. Besides, you get to meet some other assistants from all over the world and make friends from the most unlikely places. I think it's a good experience for anyone who is still wondering what to do with their lives. So you wouldn't be touring Europe alone...
Good luck with your future.
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