frigid

[Anonymous]

Hi...
im a 21 year old lad and i consider myself bisexual.
When i think of relationships i go for a persons personality. This is how i become attracted to them wether male or female.
Ive only had sex with 2 people and they were both people i have know for a long time.
Ive started going clubbing and stuff now so im getting plenty of attention and people are coming onto me all the time. If im dancing with them and they go to kiss me its fine i feel comfy kissing back.

BUT...
the other night i was out and this lad came over and we were chatting a while and we ended up back at his.
I like him and he is quite attractive but when he came onto me for sex i just completely bottled it and was so nervous i couldnt get eroused etc.

Although i really did want to do the deed with him i just couldnt do it.
explaining the feeling is really hard but it was like a big pressure on me to perform and the more i tried the worse it got and it was honestly a bit embarrasing. i felt impotent and think i kinda looked like an idiot.

If i try with someone i dont know too well it just doesnt happen no matter how much i want to.
it scares me to think i cant perform for a long time while i have to feel i know them and im comfortable.
It might take aaaages and im not sure il ever find someone to wait long enough xD

basically id like advice on how to be more relaxed and how i can learn to controll my nervousness when i encounter sexual moments.

Its genuinly getting me down (excuse the pun)
and depressing me. i want to do it but cant

[Glaedr]

One questions is were you drinking that night? sometimes guys have what I call Whiskey Dick (but it goes for any alcohol) where if we are drunk enough, it is really hard to get up and get off. Happens to me, especially if im not comfortable.

If you weren't drinking those nights, Im not sure. You could continue to work on it and see how it turns out. Definately dont give up though. Its not always a bad thing if you want to get to know someone and be comfortable with them before you do anything sexual.

[OrphanPip]

I don't really see a problem with getting to know someone first though. Maybe if getting to know someone means a year, that's understandably excessive for most people these days. If knowing someone means after a couple dates, that's probably a healthy attitude.

[fredv3b]

I agree with Pip. There are quite a few people who couldn't do the deed with a stranger, myself included.

[simon]

Some people think those that can jump into bed straight away have the problem not you,give yourself a break,get to know these people better will help but I don't see a problem here.