Falling for a "straight" friend... It's long but theres cliff notes

[NorCalE34]

I'm merely just thinking with my fingers on this one... I noticed a lot of other gay guys have female friends as their primary companions. I always thought this to be sort of odd but now I realize it's a pretty good idea.

I fall into the "butch" category... I do a lot of "manly" things and with that I get nothing but straight guy friends that do the same stuff I do... I haven't had any luck when it comes to relationships, Both my ex's were BI... But they started off as being my best friend(s).

First one Omar, Best friend since our teens... I was in the closet and he just so happened to be Bi. We did things . But it ruined our friendship when things started to get sour.

2nd Alex "C"... We were best friends for a year before we got together, He knew I was gay and when I started advancing at him slyly he didn't attest to it and added to it. So it kinda just happened. So we never had a set date when we became BF/BF because it just happened over time... It ended badly, A text message when he started ignoring me for 2 weeks and I was trying to see him. "you don't f*cking get it, I don't want you anymore!"... Were no longer friends.

But with those two, We don't have animosity towards each other. I see Alex "C" around town because we work in the same city and he lives just blocks from my office... When we pass we don't talk sh*t or give dirty looks, It's more a glance with a blank expression then continue on our ways.

Now... For two years, I made this new "friend" another Alex that I met through Alex "C". I know he's straight. We became good friends once my ex left and soon became best friends. He has a key to my house and when he needs something or something happens I am the first one he calls... He called yesterday about the time he would get off work to tell me that he got laid off again, So I sat there in traffic talking to him (bluetooth in the car) for about 45 minutes about him planning to do better then what he did and so on. You know, Being encouraging... We are both avid car enthusiasts and the way we communicate is similar to those 2 Puerto Rican guys in the fast and furious... We just "cap" on eachother constantly. We will be playing a game online (PS3) and would just go back and fourth, Everyone else listening would laugh... We've had people tell us we act like were either married or are really close brothers (apparently we even look a little a like?).

Pretty much we have a good friend ship going... Saturday-Sunday I brought him with me to my child hood best friends bachelor party, Everything went well. Then sunday we spent another entire day together after coming back from the bachelor party, we went to a car show and met with another friend, then out to dinner and then to see fast five (movie).

But last night, After I was encouraging him he was talking about going halves on me with buying a car needing some work and fixing it and selling it for a profit (were both mechanically inclined)... I told him, I'll get back to him later. Several hours later, While I'm driving to the store he calls me. I know him well enough to know when he's feeling a bit down, So I ask him what is wrong... He says his mom got on him for drinking something like 12 beers and not being able to go to his friends brothers birthday because he's been drinking and that he didn't eat anything that day. So I turned the BMW around and told him, I'll go help him out since I was going to get food too. He didn't say he wanted me to when I asked but I can hear it in his voice.

I drove from Tracy to San Jose at 10PM... He really was drunk, Since my BMW is all black with tinted windows all around and he was playing Call Of Duty: Black Ops while drunk he wanted to pretend to be doing a mission... So he requested I creep up the street and park several houses down, "Blacked out" (lights off)... Ok. He sneaks out through his backyard and I can see him in my mirror running down the street in a zig zag. He gets in the car out of breath and screams "EVASIVE MANEUVER!" or something like that... Humoring him, I threw the car into gear and took off in a ploom of dust and tire smoke turning on the lights after I turned the corner (Were retards)... We pull up to a bar called the fire house and our friend and his brother is there with other people... All are drunk, I go grab myself a corona... And just sit back with everyone, Alex gets into a heated debate with the drunk brother about AT&T vs Verizon, So I sat up and put my attention on reading body language just in case the brother was going to throw a punch because I don't know him and he looked to be getting mad.

After a while we migrated to another bar next door for beer pong... Alot more random people there, We stood around and egged "Friends" on in beer pong and I noticed Alex went to talk to some older girl, She must of been in her 50s with a REALLY short dress, with a feather thing in her hair. her body language was telling me she had a lot to drink and would sleep with anyone, But she was married... But she kept giving me and Alex a look i'm all to familiar with, She tried talking to me but i'm not interested... But I noticed.

I'm getting jealous of this lady. After a while Alex gets into another heated debate with one of our friends' friends... Alex is very simple minded, This girl is a bit more intelligent and it turned into a argument over who is smarter. Alex ended up turning away 4 feet from her to talk about how he hates stuck up educated girls... She heard him and when he noticed she was making eye contact with him he ran off to the bar. I stood behind, And the girl told me he can talk all the crap he wants but if he tries again she's going to "knock him out". I don't know how I did it but I talked her to calming down and told her that he's just really drunk right now, he just lost his job and got dumped by his GF a few weeks ago so he's been pretty zombified all day and is just now letting loose, Maybe a little to much but for you. You can argue with a ignorant person but they will not change, and all you will be doing is wasting your time so in the end you lose.

I became friends with her, We talked the rest of the time at the bar... Upon leaving it became apparent that Alex had drank way to much, He was acting like a playfully violent kid... Not towards me but towards our friend Curtis. Alex got in the back seat next to the birthday boy and Alex begins slapping curtis' head (who is in the front seat), Their wrestling about while Curtis is getting annoyed trying to get him to stop. I yelled and that did nothing, We ended up sitting there in the parking lot for 5 minutes until he calmed down enough... Once I got out of the parking lot, he started again. A cop pulled next to us, looked at us with arms flailing everywhere in the car and me yelling to knock it off before they break something in my car. I think the cop laughed and went on his way...

We pull up to drop off the friend Curtis and his brother, Alex gets out and he starts ramming curtis with his head. Curtis is already pissed off and I can pick up that vibe that Curtis is about to lay the smack down, Alex is quite a bit smaller then Curtis. So I got out, Blocked Alex from ramming Curtis and over powered him back into the car.

We get going and i'm trying to talk him into eating something, Like a restaurant... My treat. He doesn't want to... But he wants me to go because I pointed out one of the big reasons i came down was so we can eat, That it was now 3AM and I had still yet to eat anything that day. I made him feel bad but he still didn't want to go. So I dropped him off... Where I got out to take off my leather jacket, and he runs up and gives me a hug and a little hump on my leg. I watched him walk into the house before turning around and leaving.

On the way home... I realized. I'm falling in love with him... Like I did the last two. It started off the same way, I would go way out of my way to take care of them, I would make sure they didn't get their asses kicked and I was always there when they needed me.

When Alex's trucks were both broken down, I offered to pick him up at his house at 5AM and drive him to work then take him back home when he got off... Its 45 miles+ one way, so 90+ miles in bay area traffic... When his old truck broke down, he needed a certain tool and i drove down there to help him out... No less, I pretty much show that I "care" about him.

Alex acts "gayer" then me most of the time, Before he would grab my "stuff", Ass or boobies and laugh at it, Because I was uncomfortable with getting felt up... But after awhile I got used to it and started doing it back, He doesn't really fight it... it's like a game all younger sexually comfortable guys are doing now, To see who the first one to get creeped out is... Before it was me, Now it's Alex because if he doesn't get creeped out and runs off I'll go far... There were times, where he found my fuse box for my house in my garage and turned everything off. I couldn't see so I was trying to get him to turn the switches back on, In doing so I started rubbing him... I started rubbing his stomach, chest, ass at first but he wouldn't budge so I started rubbing his crotch and he still wouldn't budge... Finally I said f*ck it and he just bust up laughing and turned them back on... I've seen him naked before, At one point he dragged me to the bathroom to see how much "bigger" i am then him. He was quite "small"...

It sucks when you know you're falling for your best friend but you cannot help it... There won't be an "us" and if I try for it, It will fail and it will destroy our friendship. But you cannot pick and choose who you fall for.

Cliffs: I'm falling for a best friend i've had for about 2 years now... I've began to get protective of him, caring alot more about his well being and get jealous when he hits on girls in front of me... But I cannot do anything about it, We have a great friendship, Were always there for eachother and if I try anything to get "what i want" it will just ruin what we already have. It sucks.

[posterpicture]

My "straight" best friend fell for me. And I am a gay guy.
And guess what?
What we are now? Stranger ? Hope so.
Enemy? Yes, he hates me so much because I don't love him back.

It 's nothing healthy for a friendship to be like that. You need to cool down, turn your interest into someone else if you want to keep what you call "friendship>

[NorCalE34]

Yup, I know that. I'm going do one of my famous vanishing tricks until I've calmed off him for a bit.

[NorCalE34]

For an update... I spoke to a few friends and family members of mine about it several weeks ago, They started to convince me to be positive and try it out. I typed out a whole speech on my phone and carried it in my phone for a while. Apparently I became more quiet and reclusive towards him and he caught on.

I ended up being designated driver for him and one of our friends one saturday night, Took them both to my house after... The friend was passed out in the car and we couldn't wake him up. So we left him for a bit, My "friend" still drunk and drinking more (i had more beers at my house), He asked me why am I not being myself... I asked him, Do you want the full truth or a sample of it... He of course said full... I read the "note" on my phone out to him, It consisted of me explaining my feelings for him and that I was able to compare the strong feeling to the first person i fell in love with... He took it well at that point, He of course turned it down but said he felt flattered... Then asked what am I going to do now. I said we will need a break, He asked for how long... I said that I didn't know, However long it will take for me to be over him. He again repeated the question, I said there's a chance that it can be forever.

Then at that point, Me stroking his ego wore off... He turned quite emotional, First he started crying trying to talk me into a way to change my decision and feelings. I said there was no way I can change the feelings i have for him, I further explained that it had began to hurt me staying quiet... He cried more, And I couldn't help but laugh for a bit... I don't think i've ever had a straight guy cry for me. Then after A while of him sobbing and making sure that I was serious about needing a break that can be for ever... It had turned quite sad and I started to feel sorry for him... At this point our friend had made his way up to my house and passed out. So we went into the garage to talk... He was trying to find a way around it, and began talking forceful... He said that he will just start showing up in my house, I being a little bit to fast with my mouth said "i have the old dead bolt that uses the same key as my dads house i can change to"... He said "you won't need to do that" and threw the house key i gave him down and just stared at it... I looked at the key and asked him how did that feel, Because it seemed like he did it so easily.

In a low voice, said... It felt really bad... and walked out of the house crying into the rain at about 6AM. I sat in the garage for a minute kind of kicking myself for my smartass remark. Then went outside to look for him, I saw him walking down the block, i ran inside to grab a umbrella and went looking for him, When I got to the corner, I turned around and saw him walking up my driveway. I made my way back to the house and looked around for him but couldn't find him. So I figured to check my backyard... He was standing by the fence kind of giggling that he found a hiding place.

We went back into the house (garage) and I tried to tell him we will work all this out, It wont be permanent or anything at all... I explained that after thinking it more, I would rather have him as a friend then nothing at all. He told me how he really doesn't have as many friends as he leads everyone to believe, He was able to say I was the best one because i'm not always broke like the one passed out in my house, I still live close by unlike his other best friend who moved out of state and i'm always there for him whenever he needs me... He continued to say but I (me) made my mind up a long time ago and even put it in my phone so its what I really want... I tried to explain that I didn't think I meant all that much to him etc... But he wasn't having it at the time, He wouldn't accept the key back and he wouldn't accept my apology.

Then he started lightly punching my garage wall, Then got an idea that he wants to put a hole in my wall... So he started punching it hard, I got between him and my wall shoved him up against my BMW and I ended up taking a few of the blows that were intended for my wall... Then he intentionally punched me a few more times (body shots) and then tried to get around me to hit the wall again... At that point, I had to get him pinned before he harms himself (new house=thick walls and i think he was punching a stud) and my house... So I grabbed his right arm and forced it behind his back, then I got my leg infront of his and i pushed and we both went down to the floor, With my remaining hand I grabbed his forehead to keep him from faceplanting on the concrete. I put my knee in his back and got his other arm behind him and had him pinned down... He's catholic so i made him swear he was going to stop. After a minute of him complaining he finally agreed. I let him up, He pushed me away from him and started punching the wall as hard as he can, Then I took him down again, but he knew my tactic and wouldn't let me behind him. So I did a bear hug type grab, Put my leg behind his forced him to lean on that leg then i leaned forward and again we both went down. But this time i was ontop of him as he laid on his back, i pinned his arms down above his head and put my weight on it, He tried kicking me off and i just ended up laying ontop of him... Again I told him to stop and was able to convince him that he can't get much done with me around because I am stronger then he is, I am bigger then he is, I'm faster then he thinks and I am not drunk. He agreed to stop... Then went upstairs... I followed him back upstairs, where I sat in my office chair to grab a breath... He started knocking small things over in my house then again lightly started hitting the walls, And then said "i still want to put a hole in the wall in your garage"... And he went rushing down stairs to my garage again, I sat there and looked at our friend who by this point is staring back at me wondering wtf is going on then I heard pounding on the walls, I grabbed the handcuffs i was issued in my previous employment (real smith and wessons) and went back into the garage, i put them in my back pocket on the way down. I again got between him and the wall and tried to calm him down at first by hugging him and telling him as calm as i can as i'm being punched to please calm down and stop trying to destroy my house... In his emotional rage it didn't work and i just ended up getting a few punches... He knew what i was about to do and prepared himself... I grabbed onto him and he grabbed onto the little metal bookshelf full of car cleaning products, at this point I got elbowed in the eye that sent my glasses to floor, Which probably finally ticked me off because he didn't come down to the ground softly. I got him down some how at the expense of my neatly organized shelf thingy, But fortunately a bottle of meguiars plastx ended up cushioning his face to the ground. I got him down, he tried to lift himself up where i grabbed his right wrist and pulled it back behind his back, I put my knee down on his wrist that was behind his back and i did the same with his other arm... I whipped out the handcuffs and quickly and somehow gently put them on him... He laid there saying "owww, take them off" for about a minute as i gathered my coposure... I stood up and looked at him with his pants half way down and had to chuckle... After he laid there for about a minute, I helped him up and got him upstairs and tried to get him to fall asleep on my bed, but i guess that doesn't work when handcuffed (for him at least) he ran off to the kitchen and tried to tip over my kitchen table... Sending a vase full of flowers crashing to the tile floor. I looked at our friend who says his first words "what the hell?" and i ask him for help, he sighs puts his foot on the ground and falls back asleep instantly. I uncuffed him so he can help me clean up the broken pieces, he starts grabbing the glass with full of force trying to get cut from it... I just tell him to stop and to GTFO of the kitchen, I grab a broom and sweep it all up then picked up all the pieces the broom can move and then mopped over it all. While he's sitting there joking around saying "i'll buy you a new vase"... "i'm a f*ck up" and so on... I say "it's fine alex, please just get some sleep"... He says "noo... I'll get you another vase, where did you get it?".... I tell him where I got it "it was the vase and flower arrangements from the wedding we went to 2 weeks ago" (Me and him went to my childhood best friends wedding [i was in the wedding])... Then he actually felt bad and sincerely started apologizing because the vase was irreplaceable by that standard, Thats where he figured out that he got completely out of hand and he turned into the bad guy... He apologized profusely where I told him that it was ok... The friendship i have with him is far more important. and so on... He finally passed out when i was done cleaning up the broken glass and picked up all the crap he knocked over. Our friend woke up about this time and asked me to take him home... I obliged and he asked if we should wake up Alex where I said hell no, I'll take him back later. I drove our friend home... and i got back around 9AM and passed out across from Alex on my bed.

I woke up because i heard alex wake up, he was laying there messing with his fists that were completely red... I said "hows your hands?"... he didn't respond, so i didn't say anything else to him. I got up, Grabbed a some clean clothes and took a shower... I came out of the shower to find one of my shoes is missing as is my cell phone. I looked around for about 5 minutes and figured out that Alex had hidden them... I figured he wanted to talk but was trying to buy time to gather up the courage. So I sat on my bed and stared at him for about a hour and i began to doze off... he sat there fiddling with his iphone4. After about 3 hours of silence he finally says... "Ok, i'm tired of being quiet and being mad at you... i'm hungry lets go get something to eat"... I said "Thank f*cking god, I was waiting for you to say something"... We went to sonics and i explained to him what exactly happened that night since to him it was a blur soon after he tossed me the house key... He felt bad for trying to destroy my house, he felt worse for giving me several bruises and nearly a black eye and he felt horrible about the vase (and still does). I took him home a hour later...

Right now were on OK terms, It's not all the same... Our friend knows what happened and he gave me some insight that Alex has many more enemies then friends, that he has the ability to commit suicide etc...

I still hang out with him, but its not as often as we used to... He still refuses the key, We had another similar discussion where he cried again when he said for me to only be his friend when I don't "hurt" anymore over him... I said that may never happen but i will learn to live with it. He cried, gave me a hug and said he really hopes i find love soon... He did say after that day he thought about it and understands how i was able to fall for him, He admitted that he often times wished i was a girl because we were literally in a relationship minus the sex... We agree'd to try and let things get back to normal because neither of us can really afford to lose one another.

/The end (long as hell, if you read this kudos.)

[ZackT]

I read it all, holy cow what a read.

Sorry it turned out so badly. Personally, I doubt I'd even be attracted to someone who drinks that much and behaves that way, but I've never been in to the partying scene, I know it ain't for everyone.

Though, I guess it could've been a lot worse. I mean, you could've lost him as a friend. But why is it that you can't afford to lose him? Did I miss that in the posts? Does he actually do anything for you like you do for him, or is it all moral support, I guess?

[jbrowder24]

It's a shame your feelings were so intense that you would tell him you might not be friends forever to him. I imagine if you guys were close friends, that would hurt a lot. I do think he was right in one thing - wishing you love. If you can find someone else, it will help you move on (not that you can force it or anything, but moving on in your heart may be the best way to also move forward as friends again).

Should you ever find yourself in another delicate situation, I definitely advise not talking to someone while they are drunk though! People are so much more emotional, can be prone to more anger as you saw firsthand, etc.

[NorCalE34]

Zack... I'm picky with who I hang out with, He made the effort to be a good friend to me. And he became my partner to the outside world... It was more support I guess.

Jbrowder... Thanks... He wasn't plastered when I told him that stuff, He started chugging beers after I told him.

For a final update.... Our friendship did come to an end on July 5th at around 4AM.

What happened was, We went out for the 4th of july with 2 other friends. I again was the designated driver after a night of them drinking and partying... We ended up back at my friends house. We started talking to one of the neighbors around 3AM and Alex comes to me smiling ear to ear and asks me to take him somewhere to see someone. I ask where and who... He shows me his phone with their text convo showing me the address. Were in San Jose and the address was in Milpitas which is the city over and I see the name "Rebecca M" I look at him and he looks excited. I know what it is... It's a booty call. I softly said... No. He looked shocked and asked why... I said "what do you think?"... he said "why do you think that?"... and i said "because i'm not stupid"... he then said he was going to walk home then.... I said alright... and he started walking down the street.

about 30 minutes later, our friend noticed he was gone and called him... I could tell by the voice on the other line and our friends facial expression it was not good and he later confirmed that Alex was pissed. I waited around a few minutes longer then started heading home, conveniently my Impala was on empty. So I stopped to fill it up and shot Alex a text... Re-explaining everything. That I want nothing to do with him and girls... And asked what he wanted to happen... he said that i had it right the first time, we cant be friends.... i said "if thats what you want... i'll miss you" and he said "whatever".

That was actually harder then I thought it was, I live in Tracy that is 48 miles... It was the hardest and longest drive I've ever done. I had a hard time breathing and thought i was going to pass out while driving.

Several days later we talked on facebook... It didn't go well, and pretty much confirmed we are done.

I haven't heard from him for quite some time... It sucks but i'm trying to find someone else that is worthy of me loving them...