Long, boring confession
05-06-2011, 07:41 PM
I'm sorry, feel the need to confess...:tongue:
I think most people are wonderful creatures, but for some reason sometimes they don't let the others see them as such, not in the beginning. I believe now that there's something in every person that can be lovable to the others. why? well...
So , i met this guy no long ago. Me found eachother on a dating website and decided to meet up & see what happens. I didn't have high expectations, i was disappointed by guys i had met before in a similar fashion. Some of them showed me pics that weren't theirs, some were simply not what i was looking for...everyone knows the story with online dating. The day came. We met and what i expected happened. I can't say he wasn't nice and good looking, still, i felt no physical attraction towards him, there was not much chemistry, most of the times we disagreed and when the date was over none of us said anything about what we thought of each other, it was as if it all had been a meeting between 2 ppl that had to be together 4 a time and clarify some boring things. That was my feeling at the end. Some days passed by, not even a sign. I was kind of relieved but at the same time intrigued about his silence. I live in an area where it's difficult 2 meet gay ppl and it would ve meant so much for me if i could finally find somebody I could be with...I decided to text him and ask him if he was ok, hoping, in a strange way, that he would ignore me and i could leave eeverything behind . I felt bad for me because he was not the one and i felt bad for him too, because a date involves two people and their feelings, didn't want to seem rude and leave it like that. He answered back, saying he enjoyed our date, maybe we could meet again. Feeling half cornered, i agreed to it, mostly because i didn't have a list of guys I could pick up from..i know it sounds horrible but sometimes finding somebody feels like that. We met once more and it was a bit better than the first time, but i was not in heaven, i think he felt the same...We decided to go on dating, at least I had one more gay guy i could spend time with, that was my reason, although most of the times we would argue...then, after a while, we considered making love. We both enjoyed it very much, I shared a kind of intimacy with him that I have never shared with others, i felt happy,I began to think of him more often, it 's been different ever since, different of what i used to know about such a relationship. We're not fuck buddies, we're not lovers, we're not friends only, i'm not sure what we've been.We don't see much of each other, because the way things are, it's difficult for both, but it happens often enough and whenever it happens it's wonderful and he's sweet to me everytime. Arguments are not there anymore, not in a way that would become a menace for us. I know him now, and he knows me, I see now why he would disagree with me, i came to understand the way he is and I came to like him even more because of that. We like eachother so much now but what we have has no name, we tacitly agreed to just enjoy eachother because we knew it had to end one day. The problem is we have to break up, forever, he 's gonna leave soon, and we ll probably never see eachother because of the extreme distance between us. We knew that from the very beginning, we accepted it, took everything as such, I just never realised things will feel so good and i'll come to know him in this way. I like him very much, might be a kind of love, i'm not sure,we never uttered the word, and we didn't mind it. But there's definitely a strong feeling there that it's turning into a really heavy, almost crushing sadness when i think of him not being here anymore... i don't know if he feels as intensly as i do, although he does seem sad also and he said it'd be difficult for him too. I'm not daydreaming, I know I'm gonna be really sad for a while after he's gone, I know it's gonna fade away and i'm pretty sure I'll find another guy to be happy with. What Ive had with him will stay with me my whole life, i hope so, because it felt so special.
I 'm still horrified at the thought that none of this would 've been possible if we hadn't go on dating. So, love at first sight it's not the only thing i should b looking for, i know that now, and I'm gonna keep that in mind. Who knew patience and willingness to see beyond surface, as difficult as it may be, will be so rewarding. I've learned this lesson latley, i wonder if others have similar experiences,i'm pretty sure they do. people are complex, I'll never rush again to judge my dates. One date is never enough.. i'll be really patient each and every time!
mile:
Long rant ends here.
I think most people are wonderful creatures, but for some reason sometimes they don't let the others see them as such, not in the beginning. I believe now that there's something in every person that can be lovable to the others. why? well...
So , i met this guy no long ago. Me found eachother on a dating website and decided to meet up & see what happens. I didn't have high expectations, i was disappointed by guys i had met before in a similar fashion. Some of them showed me pics that weren't theirs, some were simply not what i was looking for...everyone knows the story with online dating. The day came. We met and what i expected happened. I can't say he wasn't nice and good looking, still, i felt no physical attraction towards him, there was not much chemistry, most of the times we disagreed and when the date was over none of us said anything about what we thought of each other, it was as if it all had been a meeting between 2 ppl that had to be together 4 a time and clarify some boring things. That was my feeling at the end. Some days passed by, not even a sign. I was kind of relieved but at the same time intrigued about his silence. I live in an area where it's difficult 2 meet gay ppl and it would ve meant so much for me if i could finally find somebody I could be with...I decided to text him and ask him if he was ok, hoping, in a strange way, that he would ignore me and i could leave eeverything behind . I felt bad for me because he was not the one and i felt bad for him too, because a date involves two people and their feelings, didn't want to seem rude and leave it like that. He answered back, saying he enjoyed our date, maybe we could meet again. Feeling half cornered, i agreed to it, mostly because i didn't have a list of guys I could pick up from..i know it sounds horrible but sometimes finding somebody feels like that. We met once more and it was a bit better than the first time, but i was not in heaven, i think he felt the same...We decided to go on dating, at least I had one more gay guy i could spend time with, that was my reason, although most of the times we would argue...then, after a while, we considered making love. We both enjoyed it very much, I shared a kind of intimacy with him that I have never shared with others, i felt happy,I began to think of him more often, it 's been different ever since, different of what i used to know about such a relationship. We're not fuck buddies, we're not lovers, we're not friends only, i'm not sure what we've been.We don't see much of each other, because the way things are, it's difficult for both, but it happens often enough and whenever it happens it's wonderful and he's sweet to me everytime. Arguments are not there anymore, not in a way that would become a menace for us. I know him now, and he knows me, I see now why he would disagree with me, i came to understand the way he is and I came to like him even more because of that. We like eachother so much now but what we have has no name, we tacitly agreed to just enjoy eachother because we knew it had to end one day. The problem is we have to break up, forever, he 's gonna leave soon, and we ll probably never see eachother because of the extreme distance between us. We knew that from the very beginning, we accepted it, took everything as such, I just never realised things will feel so good and i'll come to know him in this way. I like him very much, might be a kind of love, i'm not sure,we never uttered the word, and we didn't mind it. But there's definitely a strong feeling there that it's turning into a really heavy, almost crushing sadness when i think of him not being here anymore... i don't know if he feels as intensly as i do, although he does seem sad also and he said it'd be difficult for him too. I'm not daydreaming, I know I'm gonna be really sad for a while after he's gone, I know it's gonna fade away and i'm pretty sure I'll find another guy to be happy with. What Ive had with him will stay with me my whole life, i hope so, because it felt so special.
I 'm still horrified at the thought that none of this would 've been possible if we hadn't go on dating. So, love at first sight it's not the only thing i should b looking for, i know that now, and I'm gonna keep that in mind. Who knew patience and willingness to see beyond surface, as difficult as it may be, will be so rewarding. I've learned this lesson latley, i wonder if others have similar experiences,i'm pretty sure they do. people are complex, I'll never rush again to judge my dates. One date is never enough.. i'll be really patient each and every time!
mile:Long rant ends here.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
I wish I have read this story earlier ( like exactly 1 month ago ). My life would be different. But now I know 